Parenthood Should Have a No-Return Policy

Motherhood was not something I aspired to as a youngster. I had no starry-eyed illusions about raising children--because I was a selfish creature, I assumed any offspring I produced would be selfish as well, and would thus require something I really did not want to give...my effort and  energy, and quite possibly, the putting aside of certain dreams and ambitions. This was something I understood as a teenager.

As a young married adult, I sensed that God was changing my heart about motherhood. By changing my heart, I do not mean that I suddenly grew rose-colored glasses. He softened me to the idea that perhaps what I wanted so badly--a career--was not His best for me. He had a deeper, richer future for me as a wife and mom first, career second.   

This was not an easy change for me. Nor was it a one-time decision. There were several times where I doubted my abilities to parent well, or struggled with leaving the career-track. Sometimes, the idea of taking a long vacation from parenting seemed really tempting--but since I missed my children when  away just one night, ditching them long term was never going to happen. And after a short season of restlessness, God would always give me an event or sweet reminder that I was chosen to be the loving mom to three precious lives. I was on the right path, even though it was not always smooth.

So, the other day I read--with probably not a little judgment-- about grown women increasingly choosing to shirk motherhood because the choice they originally made is “not a fit” for them. These include women with college degrees, many who were no doubt proclaimed to be among the best and the brightest.  I was barely out of puberty when I could see the writing on the wall of the childbearing years, and these mothers are surprised by the work and sacrifice of parenthood? The real challenge these women face, of course, is not motherhood: it is the self. She looks in the mirror and sees the One Who Truly Matters. Narcissism is the plague of our times. 

Peggy Drexler wrote on CNN.com about mothers leaving children permanently in the care of fathers or other caregivers, describing the phenomenon as if it were some kind of emotionally detached science experiment: “American culture ... is still conditioned--through the media and pop culture--to believe that many women’s greatest desire is to have a baby. When mothers abandon their children, it’s seen as unnatural.”

What can be “natural” about leaving your child? It is not the same as changing a career or moving to a more desirable location. Children are not things, they are complex, feeling little beings deeply attached to their parents. An absent parent--be it mother or father--leaves a void. The CNN piece, by the way, ignored the fact bad fathering even exists: if the mother willingly leaves her children, the writer seems to assume, it must mean the father is the better care-giver, and therefore the child will be okay.

According to writer Deborah Moskovitch, “a parent's rejection of a child or a parent's inconsistent presence could drastically affect a child's self esteem ... [but] one good parent who is loving and nurturing can overcome the negative affects of losing the relationship with the other parent.” 

This assumes there is a good parent or caregiver left behind as well.

Motherhood is a gift. Just ask any woman yearning to have a child. A gift can be returned if it doesn’t fit, or if you already have one like it. But parenthood should have a no-return policy. Our children need us. If you are struggling as a parent, get help. Join a support group, surround yourself with emotionally healthy people who care about your family, communicate honestly with your spouse about your struggles, speak with a trusted counselor. You are a gift to your children, one they would not choose to return.

"I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends." John 15:13.

Benny Hinn Was Not the Reason I Went to Conference

For about 10 years, I attended an annual Christian women’s conference. As a state and local leader, I was expected to attend the national conference (it was international every other year) and the time and dollars required were substantial for a stay at home mom of three like me. The sacrifice to make the trip included my husband having to take on the care of the household and the children, sometimes having to take time off from work.

The value in attending these conferences was not just my husband’s grateful embrace upon my return (stepping into a spouse’s shoes for five days goes a long way in understanding the value of what he or she does in daily life), the speakers (we had several Christian “celebrities” in the nineties like Joni Eareckson Tada) or even visiting a new city (we had very little time to see the sights; my favorite place was Nashville and watching a show at the Grand Ole Opry). It was the opportunity to connect with my local team in a deeper way, away from the daily grind, and to experience teaching and worship with over 3,000 women and men from across the nation and around the globe.

For believers who belong to megachurches where thousands are gathered each weekend, perhaps that is not such a big deal, but for a girl from New England where the average church size is around 60 people, it was awe-inspiring.  Also, this was not a gathering of one church or even people from one region. These conferences were a blend of dozens of different denominations who laid down theological differences at the door to embrace the mission of helping to spread the Gospel throughout the world.

God showed up in a special way at these conferences and the music/worship was powerful. I really don’t remember many of the speakers (Benny Hinn was at one conference, but I have no recollection of what he said, which is probably for the best), but I will never forget God’s presence in the worship. These women were free in expressing their love and adoration for Jesus and He was lifted up as the only reason we were gathered. It was not about the speaker that would soon approach the podium, it was about our Lord who had gathered his warrior women who wanted to make a difference in their communities and countries.

Attending conferences may not be fruitful for everyone. Depending on the organization, conferences may be more concerned with generating income for the organization than actually providing a deep benefit for the attendees. I would attend events expecting God to show up, to speak something through the speakers, special sessions, or the worship, to help grow me up in Him and expand my understanding of what was happening around the globe, and He never disappointed. Over the years, I have found that attending smaller, more intimate gatherings can be just as impacting and special. And guess what? God shows up.

Fairy Tales, Fantasy and Films

Sharing your treasured films with others can be risky: “One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure,”  "Do not throw your pearls before swine," and other sayings come to mind as caveats. But we still do it. 

I remember lending one of my favorite films, Ladyhawke, to a friend, and was stunned by her reaction: “I am surprised that you of all people would like a film that has stuff like that.” The ‘stuff like that’ was, I suppose, a curse that is placed on a young couple by an evil archbishop in 13^th century France. “It’s a fairy tale!” I replied. I scratched my head over this fellow believer’s passion for Bruce Willis’ Diehard franchise yet her taking offense over the dark themes in Ladyhawke.

Fairy tales, fantasy and science fiction films can be great tools for telling meaningful stories. This medium puts us temporarily outside of the gravity that holds us down: anything seems possible, beauty is in Technicolor, evil personified, and incredible challenges to be surmounted by our heroes. 

Here are some of my favorites, primarily chosen for their themes of sacrifice, overcoming adversity, love and taking on evil head-on. When Jesus walked this earth, he was in the business of confronting evil, loving people, sacrificing his entire life for others.

The Matrix: “The matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes.” Read 2 Corinthians 4. "You cannot die because I love you." Read John 17. This film is unfortunately given a bad rap because of the supposed connection to the Columbine shootings (black coats, etc). In actuality, the film is a powerful story of good and evil, conversion, sacrifice and a willingness to confront evil. (Thanks to my friend Steve Froehlich for his insights into this film.)

Chronicles of Narnia: “’Aslan is on the move’.... At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in his inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realise that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer” (selection from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe). Narnia is based on this amazing tale from Lewis, one of Christendom’s most treasured thinkers and authors.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy: “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” Director Peter Jackson’s brilliant depiction of J. R. R. Tolkien’s fantasy novels. I watch this trilogy about every six months and it always affects me emotionally and spiritually.

LadyHawke: What I love about this film is the determination of friends to see an innocent couple released from a terrible curse, even in the face of resistance and unbelief by the couple--they no longer have hope for themselves, so the help from friends to confront evil is crucial. Or, if an evil Archbishop giving himself over to the devil’s work offends you, go see Diehard. 

Pan's Labryinth: Guillermo del Toro's very dark melding of fairy tale and reality, this is a film that will disturb and move you. Again, a confrontation of evil is afoot, and the courage and imagination of a child unhappy with her reality over which she has seemingly zero control.

"Today you will be with me in Paradise."

Paul Miller, in his book A Praying Life, describes Jesus' amazing ability to have a one-person focus even in a crowd: “When Jesus interacts with people, he narrows his focus down to one person... that person is the only person in the room. The way he loves people is identical to the way he prays to His Father. This one-person focus is how love works. Love incarnates by slowing down and focusing on just the beloved” (Miller, p. 46).

Astoundingly, Jesus manages this even on the cross. He is in agony. Nails have been driven through his hands and feet. Earlier, he had been scourged (for a description of the physical torture Jesus would have received as a prisoner, click here). But his agony is more than physical: for the first time in his 33 years, he is separated from his heavenly Father (see Matthew 27:46).

He has been abandoned by his disciples. The Jews who had welcomed him just days ago with praises, are now heckling him. Jesus is even jeered by one of two thieves hanging from crosses on either side of him.

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him.

“Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:39-43).

Jesus’ one on one ministry extends even from the cross! The thief to the left wants down from his predicament and curses Jesus for not fixing things for himself and them. Even in the face of death, this man’s heart is hard and fixed. The thief to the right sees the reality of his own sin and the innocence of Jesus. Not just his innocence, but his divinity. What faith to see God in this suffering, blood-covered man. What depths of love our Savior had for a repentant criminal. What hope for humanity, that it is our faith in Christ, not our works, not a religious process, that saves!

“Christ upon the cross, is gracious like Christ upon the throne. Though he was in the greatest struggle and agony, yet he had pity for a poor penitent. By this act of grace we are to understand that Jesus Christ died to open the kingdom of heaven to all penitent, obedient believers. It is a single instance in Scripture; it should teach us to despair of none, and that none should despair of themselves; but lest it should be abused, it is contrasted with the awful state of the other thief, who died hardened in unbelief, though a crucified Saviour was so near him” (Matthew Henry).

Sources: 

"View from the Cross," James Tissot, 1886-94. Brooklyn Museum.

Miller, Paul. A Praying Life (NavPress, 2009).

Matthew Henry Commentary, retrieved online: http://www.christnotes.org/commentary.php?b=42&c=23&com=mhc

Six Month Mission Trip Next Door

This week KB is asking its writers to choose a country we would work in as missionaries for six months.

I wouldn’t have to go very far.

We live in a quaint village along the historical Eire Canal. Three seasons a year, I can walk along the canal, soaking in nature, crew teams, pleasure boaters and lots of shops and restaurants. My teenage daughter can walk home from school and spend a Saturday afternoon at the local Starbucks or the library. It is idyllic.

But not nine miles from us is the crescent of Rochester, New York, a swath of geography across the city, east to west, throbbing with violence, drugs, and poverty. The high school drop out rate is the highest of the largest city school districts in the state: 45.5%. In our town, 98% of students graduate from high school, and most then attend college. Rochester is known as one of the ten smartest cities in the nation because of top colleges, yet its public schools are fraught with problems.

To live in the crescent would be out of my comfort zone. I like knowing my family can go to sleep without bullets flying through the walls, and not having to address the issue of a crack house next door. But the problems of our nation’s cities, like Chicago, Hartford and Rochester, require a radical mission.

There are many churches in the city, including Brighton Presbyterian where my husband and I work and minister. But the problems of neglect, drug abuse and poverty can’t be fixed just by Sunday church attendance or even a weekly Bible study. Something more radical is required: ongoing prayer, mentoring, dedicated outreach and perhaps a live-in situation.

Nearly two years ago, I met a couple who are not only living in the city, they have dedicated two decades to raising other people’s children in a Saturday program called Bethel Express, which they now base at our church. Its focus and mission is on what its leaders call the "S Factor: Spiritual Strength, Social Stability and Scholastic Success." Children can begin the program between the ages of 6 and 12 (but no later) and the volunteer leaders feed and mentor them every Saturday until they graduate from high school. The program has a nearly 100% graduation rate. The adult volunteers love, encourage, and pray for these children for years.

Another couple I know established an inner-city healthcare ministry called His Branches 35 years ago, choosing to live just two blocks from their medical practice. The neighborhood has drug dealers, robberies and the occasional shooting. Eighty percent of HBI clients are at or below the poverty line.

We also know of three families who have made the decision to live in a tough area to make a difference in the neighborhood, and to be part of their church’s efforts to “re-neighbor” broken communities: 441 Ministries.

I do have a dream missionary trip (Ireland; Bible studies in a pub). But for me, the radical mission next door causes me to tremble.

New Covenant: Jesus died for Israel and the Rest of Us

I don't claim to be an expert on the current State of Israel. This is an issue that gets people hot under the collar. I am not trying to stir up anyone's political or even theological juices. What excites me is the Living Word, and if you look there, you will find truth!

This week’s topic is about Israel. Tony C’s post yesterday reflects my own searching over the hot button issue of modern-day Israel. Many evangelical Christians are strongly asserting that we “must” support Israel’s claim to its lands in Palestine since in the Bible they are referred to as God’s chosen people and He gave them the land. Meanwhile, there are others (mainly left-wing, politically) who emphatically believe Israel has no right to Palestine, and consistently blame Israel for the violence in that area.

When I read the history of the Israelites, which you can find in the Old Testament, I have no doubt that God blessed the people of Israel and covenanted with them to lead them, provide for them and fellowship with them.  If you doubt the Bible, Israel’s history is well documented in the annals of other contemporaneous kingdoms.  One of my absolute favorite classes in seminary was Dr. Carol Kaminski’s Survey of the Old Testament. Another is Dr. Gordon Hugenberger’s “Messiah in the Old Testament.” 

Dr. Kaminski, through use of her amazing tool, CASKET EMPTY, explains the chronological history of Old Testament Israel, something that is difficult to figure out if you attempt to read the OT in order (the books are primarily in length order, not in chronological order). Dr. Hugenberger, on the other hand, unveiled for blind eyes that the plan for the Savior Jesus is evident even from the Garden of Eden.

Those were exciting classes for me! I finally understood what the deal was with all those kings, why the nation divided, and why Israel was consistently taken captive in the years after the nation divided: SIN and REBELLION. I mentioned the covenant earlier: a covenant goes both ways: God said he would do such and such, and Israel promised to do such and such. The problem was that Israel consistently broke the covenant over hundreds of years. They would turn back to God when things got too harsh and then rebel as their hearts again grew hard.

That is why Jesus is decrying the disobedience and murderous hearts of a covenantal people: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! Look, your house is left to you desolate.”

Jesus died for all the world, both Jew and Gentile, for every nation and every people group (John 3:16).  The New Covenant spoken of by the OT prophet Jeremiah (chapter 31) came to fruition through the death and resurrection of Jesus: “I am the way, the truth and the life, and no one comes to the Father but through me” (John 14:6). I believe salvation, desperately needed by each one of us to free us from the chains of darkness and death, is for all who look on that cross and believe.

Only God’s love can transform Israel, Palestine and the rest of this planet, one person at a time. So, when I am tempted to think I know God's mind about the Palestinian people, or the Muslims, or the Jews, or Americans for that matter, I am reminded of my own penchant for hatred or ignorance or misunderstanding, and I must return to the words of Jesus: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt. 5:43-48).

Image of green door in the old city Zefat, from wikimedia.org.

Great Books for Thinking About Faith

This week on Kingdom Bloggers, we are talking about contemporary authors. I decided to recommend some authors who stimulate thinking about issues of faith, theology, and our unique journeys of belief. We need to think more and react less! For a scriptural reference on this, read The Epistle of James, chapter 3. I am also a great believer in humor and the healing power of laughter! 

Carolyn Custis James, Half the Church, When Life and Beliefs Collide, Book of Ruth, Lost Women of the Bible. 

I have been a fan of Carolyn's since I heard her speak at a conference in 2005 encouraging the crowd to encourage women to step up to the plate in ministry and careers.  In Half the Church, she offers a healthy discussion of why men and women should be partnering in ministry, in marriage, in life, in business, etc., instead of...well, dwelling on much of the division we have known for years. The other main issue in this book is the call to rescue our global sisters from sexual trafficking, prostitution, and abuse--and giving them a reason to trust and to live: Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of believers who care enough to do something about this crisis. I wrote a six-week study based on Half the Church for my 2012 summertime “Stories on the Porch” I host for women (no offense to men; my porch can only fit so many J), and it stimulated great discussion and challenged our thinking.  Carolyn's other books are excellent as well, and highly recommended.

 Philip Yancey, Soul Survivor: How My Faith Survived the Church.

    This is one of the most important books on faith I have read, and I wish I had known about it ten years ago when it was first published. Back then, I had an aversion to reading contemporary Christian authors for a few reasons, including the relentless marketing of the “same-old same-old” stuff, a growing unsettling about authors of a certain gender, type and age telling me how to think, what to believe, etc., and zero free time raising three young children.

       The funny thing is, Yancey is exactly one of those authors I avoided, certain he had nothing original or pertinent to say to me. So, my own stubbornness and assumptions got in the way of “listening” to him.

     The book is comprised of 13 chapters, each focusing on a person who profoundly impacted Yancey’s faith (usually in times of doubt and struggle) through personal engagement, research or studying the writings and life of past authors/thinkers (persons like Martin Luther King, G. K. Chesterton, Ghandi, Annie Dillard, Dr. Paul Brand). Soul Survivor will challenge and convict believers about their understanding of some prominent Christians, and will hopefully remind us that truly authentic Christians can love and serve Christ while also living flawed lives--because we all are flawed and broken, and in need of redemption. Yancey received a lot of hate mail over his early essays on Martin Luther King, C. Everett Koop, and Ghandi--most of it from evangelical Christians.

     Yancey survived a fundamentalist, racist, hypocritical church as he grew up, but his faith would have withered and died if not for the authentic, loving, sacrificial people God put in his path to challenge his own assumptions about the Church.

      The book also spoke to me because of its support of the power of art and literature (novels, poems, stories) to draw people to Christ.

Rhoda Janzen, Does This Church Make Me Look Fat?

No doubt some of the content of this honest memoir will bug (read: offend) some people, but this book is not about theology. It is about the personal journey of a woman raised as a Mennonite who left faith behind for 25 years, but who could not escape God’s whisper of love to her. Janzen is an English professor, and her spot-on storytelling and wit are treasures.   Her previous memoir, Mennonite in a Little Black Dress, should probably be read first (which I have not done yet!).  A friend gave the second one to me as a gift, so I plunged ahead--no regrets! J

Is There Love in the Church?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

“God is teaching us how to love as Jesus loved.” A friend and I were in conversation about the concept of the family of God, and evidence of a deepening sense of community among us in Rochester. It comes at a cost: humility, vulnerability, facing conflict, trusting that God is at work.

If you have lived in a family, then you know that love and relationships can be messy. A pastor friend was recently preaching, “There will always be people in your life who are difficult, who you don’t like, or don’t like you--and those are just the people in your families!”  If you are part of a church, why assume it will be any different?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A frequent prayer when my children were growing up sounded like this: “Lord, I need to love these kids as you do! Help me!” It felt like failure--a sharp tongue, sarcasm, impatience, exasperation, fear--was present far more often than success (see the scripture above for a description of successful loving).

But as my friend said, we are learning. Present tense. We agreed that it is a journey, sometimes a scary, exciting one, that will not fully be reached until we reach the shores of eternity.

Love never fails... When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

Peter Scazzero, in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality says, “You can’t have the true peace of Christ’s kingdom with lies and pretense. They must be exposed to the light and replaced with the truth. This is the mature, loving thing to do”  (p. 185). We are lying to ourselves if we think we or our churches have “arrived” or “have got this” when it comes to the Gospel, when it comes to loving others. We must be able to look at ourselves, our families, our communities with clear-eyed honesty if we are ever to experience the hope of change.

This is not easy! Who wants to admit to selfishness, hypocrisy, racist thoughts, hatred, vengeful thoughts, fear, jealousy? Yet, if we know and believe that God loves us--and others--deeply, unconditionally, then we can face the truth about our sins, our weaknesses (1 John 4:19), and repent and trust Him to change our hearts.

If your response to this is a cynical, "Yeah, right. Hearts can't change," consider the story of former Westboro Baptist member Megan Phelps-Roper, granddaughter of "church" founder Fred Phelps. She is facing the truth of who she was, and who her family still is, clear-eyed. To leave a life-long, learned mindset of hate, can be only a work of the Love of God, who desires to set us free (Romans 8:15).

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

                                                                        1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Image from Blackberry Cottage.

The Irish Grandmother

She waved her hand over the jewelry pieces. “Choose something.” We sat across from one another, at my mom’s oval table. Between us, lay necklaces, earrings, and pins. Remnants of a 84 year-old life brought 3,000 miles from a green island to a Connecticut kitchen.

My grandmother died twelve years ago today in Athenry, County Galway, Ireland (February 5, 2001). I know where I was when I heard the news (digging out our van from a blizzard in the early dark of winter). I can still see my eight-year old daughter, leaning out the door, phone in hand. It was the day before my mother’s birthday, Mary Curran’s third child of eleven, second daughter of eight girls. February is filled with the birthdays of Mary Curran’s daughters.

On February 8, my sisters and I joined my mother, her siblings and most of our cousins in the house where Mary Curran bore her children, and in the kitchen where all of her grandchildren, even the American ones, had shared meals, boiled water for tea, and been subjected to the humiliation of having a grandmother iron our underwear.

Mary Curran was a force of nature. She was elegant, tough, educated, demanding, generous, well-traveled, doted on by her children, feared and respected by us all. Make no mistake about it: she was a matriarch. She was the center of the family. She knew comfort, and she knew hardship. She loved God, her family and her country (which, despite a U.S. birth certificate, was Ireland).

When I was a child, she sometimes would refer to our family in the States as "Yanks" (which irked us) or would chide me about some nonsense I said or did, but then a day later, slip me some money to buy something nice for myself: “Don’t tell anyone.” Only many years later, did we cousins discover she did that with all of us: made us feel special, in on a secret with Grandma.

As a young adult, I was once sitting next to Grandma in church. I can’t remember if it was in Connecticut or County Galway. But I do remember my grandmother’s fervent worship in prayer. I could hear her telling the Lord how much she loved him. I was embarrassed, but I was moved. I knew then that my beloved, intimidating grandmother had a personal relationship with God.

My grandmother left behind a huge legacy of Irish, Irish-American and English relatives who enjoy (mostly) one another’s company. I did wonder if the deep ties she had established with extended family would sever in her absence. Her absence is still felt, but the family ties remain.

The jewelry on the table was not expensive or glamorous. But it was my grandmother’s, and I did want something that had belonged to her. It would be an ongoing tie to her life, our family history.  A silver pin caught my eye: it was an Irish coin made into a piece of elegant art. I caught my breath at the coin’s date: it was my birth year.

I pinned it on my jacket.

Revelation: A Call to Worship

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying:

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and praise!”

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!”

The four living creatures said, “Amen,” and the elders fell down and worshiped. Revelation 5:11-14.

I am a singer. You won’t find my face on an album cover, or my voice on your iPod, but I am a singer. A worshipper. I have been a leader or member of a worship team in churches, special events, and para church ministries. It’s not as easy as it may look: worship, like every other calling in the life of a Christian, demands preparation, prayer, and practice.

But nothing gives me greater joy than to participate in praising God, and to help lead God’s people in worshipping. Perhaps that is why the verses above from Revelation 5, have special significance for me. There will be a time when I and every believer will experience the scene described of the ongoing worship in heaven, by angels, elders and the living creatures.

Verse 12 contains one of the most powerful proclamations ever made, and is found in some of my favorite worship songs, like the “Revelation Song” we sang this past Sunday at Brighton Presbyterian Church. It is a little taste of heaven.

True worship draws us into God's presence in a particular way that cannot be created by man. And when it happens, we should be humbled and God exalted. Isaiah discovered this when God allowed him to see what centuries later the Apostle John would see and then write about in the Book of Revelation: 

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” Isaiah 6:1-5.

Trusting God Outside the Zone

When I say that there are many times when I have stepped out in faith into an uncomfortable area of inexperience and the unknown, I am not bragging. I recently celebrated 30 years in the faith, and how flat that faith would be if my Lord did not continually challenge me to grow over three decades. He knows I would rather be curled up on a couch, reading a book, than facing the giants.

The giants we face may be different. What is a leap of faith for me may just be a walk in the park for you. God has created us each uniquely, in unique family systems and cultures. As a teen in the late seventies and early eighties, marriage and family were not on my list of goals. My friends in high school were aghast that I was not interested in getting married and having kids.

But even as a teen, before I understood how much I needed a savior from myself, I knew I was a selfish human being. Why would I want to replicate and raise a mini-me? I certainly did not believe I had much ability in parenting, and feared marriage.

The first major challenge to my goals after coming to faith in Jesus was meeting my husband. Prior to that, even leafing through Bride magazine would have been embarrassing. But, God used our relationship to shape both of us, and to challenge us to give up preconceived notions about religion and family.

The second for me was even tougher. My husband had always wanted children, and had married me even though I professed the opposite. Risky? Yes. Maybe that was God asking Tim to take a risk. But when we married, we dedicated our lives to Christ and to following His leading. Within 18 months, the Lord directly asked me to trust Him in this area of having children. It was not something I expected or even thought I would desire.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4.

Three children and 23 years later, the “comfort zone” has been breached often J. Psalm 37:4 is very real for me. God made me aware of gifts and desires I did not know I had or that I could actualize, and gave me delight in being a mom. Trust God in what He is asking of you today, even if it is something you have a lot of fear about. It may not be an easy journey, but He is trustworthy and faithful to bring you through, and to give you joy in it.

A Foreign Correspondent in Rome

This week, Kingdom Bloggers will share an occupation each of us would have worked back in biblical days.

It’s a bit different for a woman, to imagine herself in a chosen occupation in Biblical times.

What a woman did with her time was largely dependent on the socio-economic status of her family or husband. If a widow, whether Jew or gentile, poverty was her lot, unless her family took her in. Here is the reality: the Jewish community in general, out of deep respect for God and His law, treated women--those who were virtuous--better than the pagan crowd.

When Jesus arrived on the scene, however, his respect and treatment of women was radical. The women in his circle had never known such acceptance. To His disciples, when Jesus engaged the Samaritan woman at the well, it must given them a sudden rush of anxiety like the secret service suffers when the president jumps out of a limo against protocol to greet the people.

But I digress. If as a woman, I could be any occupation as a believing Christian in first century, I would want to be Luke’s associate editor and then foreign correspondent in Rome (interviewing Paul in prison; plus, I love Italian food :). Luke is a gifted writer and reporter--the Gospel of Luke, which tells of the life and teachings of Jesus, exudes with Jesus’ compassion, joy, miraculous works and powerful gift of storytelling; the Book of Acts records the beginnings of a movement that would grip the planet, and contains several examples of women being used by God to teach, pray, worship and provide hospitality and shelter to disciples.

How exciting--and dangerous--to be in the midst of watching and recording the lives of ordinary people being transformed and catapulted to the front lines of The Way. As a front-line believer, I could not be “objective” as reporters today claim they must be: I would be hopefully praying for and helping and learning about the faith as I spent time with Luke, other seasoned converts, and later Paul.

Just imagining that kind of life, makes me wonder if I am living with that kind of courage and gusto as I work in ministry now. May each of us live with full-force and faith in the occupation God has called us to now. For His glory.

God Favors Us, but Plays No Favorites!

Before I knew that I knew that God was not dead, but alive, and that He was calling me out of the darkness of not knowing, into the light of His love, I held some misconceptions. Here are just a few examples of a “faulty understanding” (which is the definition of a misconception) of what it means to be a Christ-follower: that a dedicated life is a charmed life; that we can bargain with God; that we can interfere with God’s purposes by the things we do; that we can figure God out.

It can take time for our misconceptions--or myths--about God to be busted.

One that wreaks a devastating impact on faith, witness, love of self and others, and a trusting relationship in our Creator, is: “What we do, or how we do it reveals how God feels about us.”  Ouch. So much bad theology lies in that statement. It flies in the face of a Biblical understanding of a grace-based salvation, for one thing.

Yet, some of us--both Catholic and Protestant--are taught from a very young age (those of us who attended church and/or Sunday School) that how we live may affect God’s love for us. In some Christian circles, children and adults are instructed that makeup, short hair, tattoos, and certain styles of clothing are not allowed. In others, dancing, smoking and drinking alcohol are prohibited.

But perhaps more insidious is the subtle messages believers give one another about our standing as disciples based on our works. In my early days of faith, I was part of a ministry that had a wonderful impact on my growth as a believer. But this group also taught that if a member did not have certain spiritual gifts (see 1 Corinthians 12), they could not assume a leadership role. This misinterpretation of scripture caused some deep hurt among sincere, dedicated people. Those who did not demonstrate a certain spiritual gift felt less than in God’s eyes and in one another’s.

My husband was part of a incredible ministry that offered pastoral care in secular settings. It made a direct impact on the lives of many people who had never set foot inside a church. But every month, reports were to be submitted listing the number of “souls saved” and there was pressure--and maybe competition--to see those numbers rise. The level of success in ministry was based on a number, rather than the personal aspects of discipleship, which are far more difficult to measure. If one’s gifting is not evangelism, it would be easy in that context to think you are failing God.

Studying the Word and living out my faith, has helped in my own version of myth-busters. God is not listing my failures and successes as a measure of my worth ("Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1). 

Every gift is from God and does not indicate any special standing except His incredible forgiveness and grace extended to me and everyone else!

Peter fairly exploded with his good news: “It’s God’s own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you’re from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open. The Message he sent to the children of Israel—that through Jesus Christ everything is being put together again—well, he’s doing it everywhere, among everyone. Acts 10:34, The Message.

The Light of Christmas

The people walking in darkness 
have seen a great light;
 on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:2.

In the great holiday classic by Dickens, A Christmas Carol, Scrooge has a visitation with three spirits, the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. For Scrooge, a miserly man with no friends who will not even extend a Christmas greeting to his only living family member, his present life is bleak and lonely. Only his Christmas past seems pleasant. He was a different person then, full of hopes and dreams and laughter, until he allowed disappointment to embitter him and money to become his god.

Sometimes our past may seem an easier place to stay: when we were young and hopeful or slimmer or wealthier, when our children ran to the Christmas tree in their footed pj’s, when loved ones were around our dinner table, instead of empty chairs.

We recently watched old videos of Christmases 15 to 20 years ago, to introduce our son’s fiancée to our Christmas past. It was hilarious and sweet and also poignant as the camera captured moments with family members who no longer occupy those chairs.

But the point of the Christmas Carol, I think, is to jolt us to our present, even if sadness is present, and to recognize that we can choose the light of the living. We are alive and while we are still breathing, there is hope and more life to come!

Evil in the hearts of men is real. But the power of God to transform hearts and lives is just as real and has the victory over the dark things people do. Yesterday, not 15 miles from our home, another person chose to plot and kill the innocent. Families grieve the loss of brave firefighters today, because of a man blinded by his own fury and his choice to commit evil.

But his darkness does not have power over God’s goodness and hope. “There is no darkness in our hearts that God is not willing to walk into, shining the light of love and compassion and solidarity with our human condition. There is no sorrow that God does not share. And there is no place any of us can go, including the grave, that Christ has not entered first, hallowing, blessing, and filling all of it with the grace of God.”  Rev. Kit Carlson.

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we’re proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, “Light up the darkness!” and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. 2 Corinthians 4:6.

High-Kicking it at Christmas

This week, we are remembering special Christmas events. After last Friday, Christmastime going forward, especially for those families who have suffered incredible loss, may be both traumatic and comforting. The trauma of losing a child or parent or spouse to a monstrous act is obvious. The comfort comes from knowing the one who willingly left His heavenly kingdom to live as one of us and to die for us, holds the victorious weapon over evil: His love.  "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you." Isaiah 41:10.

My favorite Christmas event involved lots of legs. Watching 36 pairs in synchronized perfection was mesmerizing. Watching my daughters’ faces brighten in wonder and amazement at the singing and dancing was heartwarming. I had thought my son, about 12 at the time, might find it dull, but his eyes never left the stage.

Radio City Christmas Spectacular may not be the usual pious Christian choice for holiday inspiration, especially since Santa Claus makes an appearance, but I don’t remember being quite so moved--and teary--at another Christmas production. I had prepared myself for tourist trap schlock, but instead was treated to a first-rate, thoughtfully produced musical extravaganza that also offered a stunning rendering of the Nativity.

Because the birth of Christ--replete with a blue-black starlit sky, Mary, Joseph and the babe, shepherds, live animals and beautiful music--occurs at the end of the show, it is the images in that scene the audience carries out the doors to the noise and holiday crush on a New York City sidewalk.

Creating special memories at Christmas seems to be an Olympic sport in some families. I just love to cook and enjoy people and put up some special lights. My mother-in-law, however, a longtime Broadway fan, wanted her children’s families to experience what she considered to be the magic of Radio City Music Hall’s annual extravaganza. She gave us quite a gift. 

I confess that today, several years later, I cannot recollect with specificity most of the musical numbers of much of the show, but I will never forget the beauty and the care that the show’s director and cast took with portraying our Savior’s birth. Nor will I forget my six year-old high-kicking it down Sixth Avenue, hoping to be the next Rockette.

The show’s website proclaims the Christmas Spectacular as “an unparalleled Christmas show with universal appeal that lifts the spirits and creates memories.” Yup. Except it was not just the show that lifted our spirits--it was seeing it together. At Christmas.

What's Sunday School?

"Sunday School" seems an old-fashioned term for the cool church these days: lots of churches create clever names for the time during or after a church service kids gather in classrooms or meeting space to learn about God; it makes that hour seem more exciting and fun, I suppose. But really, it is still Sunday School: a time for children to learn that God loves them, has interesting and important stories to share with them through the Bible, and that He cares about their lives, now and eternally.

I had a jumble of Sunday School and catechism classes in my childhood: I attended an Episcopal church until I was ten, and then a Catholic Church for many years. I am grateful to both churches for having people who cared enough to spend time with children on Sundays. From my teachers at Grace Episcopal, I learned the stories of the Bible. 

Years later, as a 24 year-old teaching Confirmation Classes at my church, I was stunned that none of the 14 year olds could tell me about Moses, whom God used to lead Israel out of slavery in Egypt, or of David, the boy shepherd who became king of Israel (David and Goliath, anyone?). Their stories were foundational to learning about Jesus at Grace Episcopal.

At St. Catherine’s, our Confirmation class in eighth grade was led by a married couple who had a couple of toddlers. They must have had busy lives, but they taught our class every week at their home, and they were fun. They actually liked us, and we could tell it was genuine. That was a special time, and though I did not understand it then, God was doing a significant work in me during those classes and at my Confirmation. Whatever your theology holds about the work of the Holy Spirit, especially in regards to baptism and Confirmation, I can tell you, He was present in that little church that day.

I teach “Sunday School” now--both to teens and adults, and I love it, but not just because it can be “fun.”  Having the responsibility of discipling others makes me even more thankful for those adults who sacrificed time so I could learn more about Jesus and His Word, and His amazing, saving grace. 

Distracted? Praise Him!

Our world is just too busy! When I was raising wee ones several years ago, the buzz word for the accomplished mom was, "busy." If you weren't busy enough, that implied laziness or a less-than life. It was a competition to prove who was doing the most or who was the weariest. It was the old, "do better, try harder" false gospel of what matters.

Busyness can be a tool to distract us from what really matters: our relationship with God. I struggle with this, and I know I am not alone. Just the other day, my pastor-husband spoke from the pulpit about worship, that we tend to categorize it as just a Sunday activity—that could not be further from its truth!

The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught." Isaiah 29:13.

Worship is a matter of the heart, not place. Although worship as a community of believers is important (scripture is clear about that; see Psalm 109:30 and 1 Corinthians 14:26), and if your heart is not directed toward your Lord, then who is your Lord?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1.

Whoever or whatever we give our hearts and lives to, is the object of our worship. If our minds and hearts are given to our tasks, our televisions, our time, our money, rather than turning to our God, our worship is really with those things. I am not trying to "get religious" on you, I am "getting real." My life is deeper, more meaningful, when it is God-directed, instead of Kerry-directed. And when I am worshipping my God, I cannot worship myself. Praise Him!

Thou Art Wordy

I don’t like being asked what is my favorite thing, from food to film to family member (don’t your kids ask which one you like best?). There are just too many things I like and love, even the odd relatives. But, it would be a cop-out to opt out of this week’s writing assignment--what I am most thankful for--just because I dislike narrowing things down. So, here goes: I am most thankful for...words.

I have loved words since I was a very young child. I wrote poetry and stories. My beloved first-grade teacher once asked me how I managed to create a certain poem. “I dunno,” I replied. “I just thunk it up in my head.” At age 8, I wrote a poem for my uncle in honor of his college graduation. It contained something about a wise owl. The adults were impressed, but no one framed the thing or tucked it into a memory book (do I sound bitter?).

Don’t judge me: I used to enjoy reading the dictionary and fancied becoming an etymologist. Yeah, kind of a geek, but since I enjoyed learning about history, it’s not a far stretch to be curious about the history of words.

We all have a ‘history of words’: words we hear and those we speak; those we read, and those we write; words we text and words we dictate. Maternal comfortings, excited expressions, stern warnings, friendly overtures, caustic playground comments, encouraging observations, bossy dictates, boring lectures, romantic proposals, angry outbursts, emotional speeches, children’s first words, furious arguments, powerful prayers, peaceful exchanges, inspiring sermons, funny commercials, hilarious stories, sad songs, worshipful services, last words.

There is much to be thankful for when it comes to words. I have precious word memories: my dad's greeting, “Hey, good-lookin'!” My husband's words of commitment on our wedding day, and every day since. My son, age 3: “You're the most beautiful mother I've ever had.” My daughter, looking at the changing leaves outside: “Those leaves are very colorly.” And another daughter, barely age 2: “You're so bad and so stupid.” Well, can't win 'em all! 

The Word of God in particular is so precious to me because it is alive, encouraging, instructive and helps me to know God. The Word is good: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).  Words are important to God: “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds” (Deuteronomy 11:18). “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

Of course, not every word we speak is a gracious word: we can use words to hurt, twist truth, dismiss, destroy, abuse, propagandize, criticize, even to kill. That is why the Apostle James addresses misuse of  “the tongue” as a spiritual problem. We sin quite easily with our tongues and need to listen more and talk less. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry....Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:19, 26).

Keeping a tight rein on my tongue...ouch. Only God can help me with that. But, I am thankful for His Word--the Living Word Jesus Christ--for displaying for all of humanity, including me, that His gracious words can indeed bring healing to our soul and bones.