Wet Sheets

He knew he shouldn’t wet the bed at his age. He tried everything to quit. He wouldn’t drink anything after supper. He always went to the bathroom – real hard – before he went to bed. But, those dreams, tricked him. They seemed so real. He would wake up, get up and walk to the bathroom – just like he was supposed to. But, most every morning – when he found the wet sheets – he’d realize he had only been dreaming. And the helplessness he’d feel usually caused the lip to quiver and the dam to break. And, that’s how Ricky started most of his days.  

But, that all changed, in an instant. Family friends stopped by for a visit. They stayed for supper, and by the time they were ready to leave, a good old fashioned Minnesota blizzard had set in. The roads were simply too dangerous – company was going to stay.

When five year old Matthew said, “We’re spending the night! Oh goody, I can sleep with Ricky in his bed,” Ricky felt sick. His lip started to quiver.

Ricky went straight to his room and plopped on his single bed and hugged his pillow. He could smell the fresh clean sheets. Clean because he had just washed them that morning and the morning before that and the morning before....

He had learned to do his own laundry.  It had become an unpleasant morning chore. Sometimes he’d wake up long before everyone else and sneak down to the basement and wash his wetted sheets and clothes, and then he’d sneak back upstairs and make his bed and put on clean pajamas. Then he’d lay in bed and watch the night turn to day. He’d pretend he was waking up after a good night’s sleep – dry. He longed to sleep through the night and wake up dry – especially tonight.

His lip quivered and the river flowed – from his eyes. The words from the kids at school echoed in his head; cry baby’s quiver – here comes the river. Ricky rolled over on his back, hugged the batman pillow over his face, and wept…What am I gonna do? I’ll just stay awake all night. I won’t allow myself to go to sleep… God don’t let me fall asleep. This kid is younger than me and he probably doesn’t wet the bed. What will the kids at school say…cry baby’s quiver here comes TWO rivers… and one’s yellow. Laughter like a million voices pulsed in Ricky’s head. God help me…Ricky groaned.

A soft knock at the door jolted Ricky back to the present. Using his pillow he quickly wiped away the tears and jumped up.  He pretended to be looking out the window. The door slowly opened.

“What’s up Bud?” His Dad whispered and wiped a stray tear from the boys’ cheek.  

Ricky held his breath and looked at the door expecting, the kid, to walk in.

“He’s still downstairs.” His Dad comforted. 

Ricky’s lip started its quiver and he quickly looked out the window to hide the water works welling.

His Dad knelt on one knee and looked out the window, too. “A little nervous?” He said it like it was no big deal. Not like it was the end of the world – which it was.

Ricky sucked in a breath and whispered, “Yeah”

Then his Dad whispered, “If you don’t want to…just ask God.” Then, he waited.

Ricky, shifted his weight back and forth, starred out the window, wiped his nose with his sleeve and whispered out the window toward the wind. “Dear…” His voice broke and bottom lip took off on a beat of its own. He spun around into his father’s arms and wept, “Please God, make me stop wetting the bed.”

An eternity passed. And Ricky’s Dad stood. And spoken as a matter-of-fact he said, “OK, now you won’t…anymore.” He patted Ricky’s head, turned and walked out the door. End of story.  

Ricky tilted his head and stared at the space where his Dad just stood. How does he know? How can he be so sure? He’d never known his Dad to lie. So, hmmm – it must be true.

It was. From that day to this, never again did Ricky wet the bed.

This story is true. I know – because it’s about me. And it’s about you, too. We all have stains.

I’m glad – real glad – I still don’t wet the bed, but there’s more for me to be thankful for than just that.

I realized that day; God cares for me – even little bitty boy stuff.  

I also found out, time and again, from that day to this:

When I have a test,

I give it to God – then rest.

He takes a hold of the reign;

Then He gives it back again.

But, it comes back only,

As a testimony.

~

Sometimes God is Found at Church

I am so grateful for the Church. I don’t join the chorus of those who claim the Church is dead: as long as believers are living and breathing, and as long as God is present among them, the Church is alive, and it matters. It has mattered in my life. As one of three daughters born to an Irish Catholic mother and an American Protestant father in New England, I had a unique footing in the church world. Guess what? I found Jesus through the influence of both Catholics and Protestants among the “frozen chosen” in mainline churches.

For most of my life I have known there is a God, and my belief began among other believers in a church. In my early years, we attended a tiny Episcopal church where I was taught Bible stories and developed a respect for God. When I was about ten, two things changed in my life: my Irish mother began taking us to a Catholic church (my father remained Protestant), and I began to pray on a more regular basis.

I had noticed my young neighbors prayed before bedtime, and I thought this talking to God was probably something I should do.They prayed the Lord’s Prayer every night, so I would pray likewise, but I also would just talk to Him: “Lord, please let that boy like me.” “Please help me to pass this test.” Nothing very deep, but I enjoyed the “conversation” and thinking that God was listening.

The Catholic church we attended was a wonderful community of believers, a place in which I felt welcomed and loved. Looking back, I can see how God had His hand on my life and gave me many people who were positive influences in my journey toward Him. Despite my belief in God, I was still your typical self-centered teen. When a fellow high school senior wrote in her yearbook that her goal was to become more righteous, I could not even fathom what she meant, nor did I want to. Being righteous sounded like a real snore to me!

At the age of nineteen, I began to understand that faith in God was more than just attending church, or making good choices. There was a need for relationship, and a need for me to acknowledge that God was good and I was not. My parents started taking me to meetings where people gave testimonies about Jesus Christ radically transforming their lives. Hearing these stories, I simply believed. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I just knew that what these broken but healed men and women were saying was real and true. My life would never be the same. I suddenly wanted to live for Jesus, and follow His direction for my life.

My life is no doubt different now than it would have been without Him. He radically and steadily transformed my heart, goals, desires, and eyesight. Yes, eyesight: He has had to help me grow in walking by faith and not by sight. If God had shown me at 19 all that would happen in the next few decades, I think I would have run for the proverbial hills. At that time, I was afraid of taking risks and facing challenges.However, throughout my Christian life, I have grown most deeply when I have accepted a challenge God gives me.

This is not some “cupcake” story: there have been difficulties and challenges along the way, right up to the present time. Life is not easy; it can be perplexing and ugly, beautiful and strange. But God is faithful to carry us through the difficulties and through the joys. And He is so kind as he gives us the Church--His Holy Spirit and His people--to encourage us, comfort us, and challenge us as we walk by faith and not by sight.

Guest Blogger Testimony - Abby Lewis

Since I posted my personal testimony on KB several years back (see here), I thought I would yield my Friday spot to another Christian blogger you need to know. Abby Lewis blogs at My Journey to Healing and has become very active on the internet for Jesus. There's a short bio prior to her post. She has a powerful story for His glory...hope you are blessed.
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Abby Lewis has a degree in Health and Wellness and her massage therapy license. She is the author of Blossoming out of the Valley and producer of A Breath~in Stillness. Her life’s work is to passionately encourage others to climb out of their own dark valleys by finding health of spirit, mind and body. In January of 2006, Abby opened her own business called Healing Naturally.

Abby is devoted to serving God and to letting God’s love flow in and through her. She finds great joy in spending time in nature, writing, teaching, serving others and being with her family. Her heart is full of love and she just wants to share that love with others.

Abby, her husband and their son live in Branson, Missouri.


Can you imagine:
Your life spiraling out of control?
Having panic attacks several times a day?
Your marriage falling apart?
Broken relationships with family members?
Unforgiveness towards yourself and others?
Physical pain and dysfunction in your body?
Having no love for yourself?
Feeling depressed and hopeless?
Having major control issues?
Running to drugs and alcohol for peace and to numb your pain?
All your thoughts and words being completely negative?
Having no peace, no joy, no happiness?
Your entire life being complete and utter chaos?

This was me, 10 years ago, at the age of 24.…my rock bottom.

Despite everything, Jesus knew exactly where my heart was and in one single moment He met me right where I was, in my pit of destruction and despair and gentle turned my heart, my eyes and my ears to Him. The peace that I felt in that moment of stillness with Jesus is something I can’t quite explain. It was so powerful, so peaceful, so full of unconditional love that I craved to experience it again and again.

Each time I went back to that still and quiet place, Jesus was right there, arms open wide, ready to love me, heal me and restore me. As I chose day after day to be still in His presence, Jesus began to rescue me from my chaos.

Over time, I blossomed out of my dark valley and became a healthy and whole person…spirit, mind and body.

Because of Jesus:
My life has a sense of purpose.
I am free from fear, worry and panic.
My marriage has been completely restored.
I have a close and meaningful relationship with my entire family.
I am forgiven and I truly forgave myself and others.
My body has been healed from all physical pain and dysfunction.
I have a deep love for myself because He lives in me.
I see myself and others through His eyes, the eyes of love.
I am blessed and full of hope and joy.
I have let go of all control.
I am free from all addictions.
Everything within me is calm, peaceful and still.
I desire to be love and give love to others.

As I sit here and ponder my healing journey once more, I can’t help but to be completely in awe with Jesus and all that He has brought me through. His love is truly amazing.

Follow Abby online:
http://www.myjourneytohealing.com
http://www.facebook.com/myjourneytohealing
http://www.twitter.com/belovegivelove

Flowers That Testify of Jesus

There is a lot of power in a testimony. For the one giving theirs, it is a chance to remember what life was like before Jesus, and an opportunity to give Praise and to be thankful to Him.

For the hearer, it opens doors into the possibility for the Lord to work in their lives too.

 I am a Calligrapher, Artist, a Crafter, a Writer, a Clown ( not kidding) as well as a Floral Designer. I am learning more and more, how these gifts can bring honor to the Lord, as I present them, not only as a function, but as an offering to others .

Picture a floral shop, the sights are mesmerizing and the scents are intoxicating. In that setting, I could see me as a work in progress…a flower arrangement.

While making a floral arrangement, you start with an idea. You have a finished piece in mind before you execute this plan. You are not planning to haphazardly throw things together.  Each addition has a purpose in the whole vision.

It starts with a foundation, maybe a vase or a basket. I see my beginning. I was placed in a container… my mother’s womb to ultimately mirror Jesus’ beauty to the world. The Lord had a plan and a future for my life.  He kept me safe there.He sees the beginning and the end.

For the natural flower piece, you would next, insert a product called the oasis.

Even from the beginning, the oasis placed in my life, was dry and brittle. Sins of omission and commission were committed by me. Abuse of every kind was directed at me. Until I asked for forgiveness and offered forgiveness, my heart remained dry.

My turning to Jesus, started with a question of a young child. She asked “Miss Leenda  ( Linda)…do you know Jayzus? (Jesus). (she’s from the south y’all!)

“Emily, yes I know Jesus!” Honestly, I was insulted that this little girl was asking ME, if I knew Jesus! Of course I knew Jesus! Besides, I always knew there was a God. I mean why, I went to church for years and to the one and only true church at that.  And besides all that, what is it with this family? WHY is this family always saying the name of JESUS???

The oasis of my heart was slowly receiving refreshing water in preparation for the beautiful creation to come forth.

 Emily’s question nagged at me, until I was at a Christian Woman’s breakfast and realized, that although I believed in God…I had to admit that I knew “about” Jesus but I didn’t “know” Jesus.

There, I surrendered my will to the One who would give me life. A dam let go inside of me. I cried tears of relief. I sensed understanding of all my pain and regret.

The oasis was continuing to get wetter.

While, making an arrangement, you have a focal point. From that day forward, Jesus would become my focus and the reason I lived.

As I took nourishment from the Word, the background of my life came alive. Greens were the first to be put into the oasis, depicting a safe place and a hidden place.

Then beautiful flowers of every color and design, were added, one by one. These colors represented different parts of my life.  They would burst forth in beauty for ashes.

I didn’t notice at first, but there seemed to be dead stalks encroaching on my design. They were sins I had hidden or anger that I justified. They marred the beauty of who I was created to be. They had to be removed but I was unable to do that alone. I cried out for help.

As time went on, the original idea came into focus again. There were more flowers of a myriad of colors, lovingly added. They spoke to me of hope and love… mercy and forgiveness. It started to  take shape and resemble what first saw as a beautiful floral expression.

My arrangement is airy, like a spring bouquet.  There is nothing tight and contained about it. The composition reminds me of freedom.

However, I need to water the arrangement daily. If not, my soul will die. If I failed to get soaked, with the water of the Word of God, I would wither .No matter how pretty, that could happen in a short time.  That reminds me to gather fresh manna each day. I cannot rely on the past, but rather go forward in health and freshness.

The “customer” (Jesus) is pleased with the purchase He has made, willing to pay the full price for me. He looks at me and says…”She is beautiful and she was created by Me and for Me. Even when I saw the deadness in her, I knew that beauty would ultimately triumph.”

“I can’t wait to take her home but until then, I will showcase My creativity through her.”

“I pray that many others will want Me in the home of their hearts too.”

“She was worth every penny that she cost Me!  She is everything to Me!” 

 Linda Maynard

How I Met Jesus by Jenna Vick Silliman

On a day in early springtime, I rode on a big yellow bus with a bunch of other kids up to the Santa Cruz Mountains of California to a Young Life retreat weekend at Mount Hermon Conference Center. The cherry trees were covered with showy blossoms. During the day we played games and did a lot of singing. One of the leaders asked me, “Are you a Christian?”

I gave her a puzzled reply, “Of course! Isn’t everybody? Isn’t this a Christian nation?”

The speaker that night told of God’s great love for me. He quoted Bible verses about how God loved me so much that He came to earth in the form of a sinless man and died for me to pay for my sins. Jesus died for ME!? This was news—He did it for me, personally. Wow! I also never knew that Jesus was God—I thought He was just a cool guy and a good example to follow. Jesus is God! Amazing! With new thoughts going around in my head, the speaker gave us a fifteen-minute quiet time. We were to walk out in complete silence and go somewhere alone to talk to Jesus/God.

I sat under one of those blooming cherry trees, looked up at the stars, and cried my heart out. In the midst of much confusion, because I thought I was already a Christian just by attending the Catholic Church and being a U.S. citizen, I talked to the Lord Jesus for the first time. I thanked Him for His death for my sins. I thanked Him for His love. I remember feeling a deep sense of relief and I felt settled in my heart about my faith when I got done praying.

When I walked back to my cabin, my Young Life leader smiled at me. My eyes were red from crying, but I smiled right back at her and looked into her sparkling eyes. I could tell she knew. She asked me again, “Are you a Christian now?”

I said, “Yes! I am now!” She took both my hands and jumped up and down and spun me around and laughed. Then she opened her Bible and shared a Scripture verse that has become one of my favorites.


2 Corinthians 5:17,18 If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.


She had a little butterfly drawn in the margin of her Bible by this verse. She explained that a good analogy of becoming a Christian, is a butterfly coming out of a cocoon—a new creation. It is coming alive, spiritually, on the inside. In the Bible, Jesus calls it being “born again.” In fact, Jesus said, “You must be born again.” John 3:7

The next day I bought myself a Bible in the camp bookstore. I wrote my name inside the cover and copied out “my” verse and drew a butterfly beside it. Then I wrote down the date I became a new creation and started a new life in Christ—March 25, 1974.

I committed to reading two pages of the Bible, God’s Words to me, each day. On March 25 this year, 2012, I celebrate 38 years of life with Jesus, and He has been much more than my redeemer. He is my creator, my friend, my counselor, my provider, my strength, my teacher, my father, and He has even been a mother to me. Because we as Christians are the Bride of Christ, I have also come to know Jesus as my Groom, the love of my life. Jesus said, “This is eternal life that you KNOW Me.” John 17:3 Isn’t it amazing that we can know the Lord of all creation a little bit better every day?

Thank You, Jesus, for Your love, Your life, and Your JOY. I’m so glad I met You 38 years ago. I love You, God! "You show me the path of life and in Your presence is fullness of JOY!"Psalm 16:11 and Acts 2:28.

I've come this far by faith

It’s hard to condense a “testimony” into a few lines. There are so many facets of my life. Recently I wrote on my own blog Sounds of Hope about The Circles of Life. My life is like a kaleidoscope of circles. Sometimes they intersect and blend but mostly they are just random circles each with its own color and intensity.

I was born in a Christian home, grew up in church, and never left it. Okay, done. That’s my testimony. Seriously, I guess you could reduce it to those three phrases. My parents were both Pentecostal believers who loved Jesus with all their hearts and were faithful in every way. Like Andrea, there is never a time I didn’t know Jesus.

My mother would tell how she taught the Cradle Roll class in Sunday School. Before their were infant seats she would lay me on the altar in the prayer room while she taught her class of wiggling babies and toddler. She seemed to grow with me and as I got older, she was in charge of the “downstairs section” of the Sunday School. By school age, she was in charge of Released Time, the program on Wednesday afternoon where we were released from school for religious instruction.

I had many “come to Jesus” moments as a child. I feared they didn’t stick. A good sermon about “you need Jesus” would cause my sensitive heart to raise my hand, or go to the altar. I was “saved” many times. I was baptized twice. First, I was baptized as a teen. Always sensitive, always worried it wasn’t enough, I did it again as a young adult.

When it comes to my testimony of coming to faith, this just about sums it up. It is the walk, the journey of faith which is more interesting and full of inspiration. God is faithful. I have placed my hand in His and gone through abuse and divorce, life and death. In the midst of my childhood, I was molested.  I have given birth to and raised eight children. I have buried my father, my mother, and my granddaughter. I have been a welfare mother with no future. I have been a high school drop-out. I have been married to a wonderful man for 34 years who does not share my faith. I am a doctoral student – from high school dropout to doctor. I have answered a call to ministry and know my life’s vocation is to service Christ by serving His people. And I’ve just scratched the surface.  If you want to read more, read my blog.  I have told almost all this story in detail there.

There’s much I could say. Much I could write and much I have written – but it all boils down to this:

The river can be deep and/or wide...but it's always cold.

4 Then Joshua called the twelve men whom he had appointed from the children of Israel, one man from every tribe; 5 and Joshua said to them: “Cross over before the ark of the LORD your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, 6 that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’   Joshua 4:4-6 (NKJV)

We take crossing a river for granted these days. Just driving to work each day, I cross over a river at 70 mph without a second thought. That's very much a new concept though in the big picture of human history...

For thousands of years, rivers were major obstacles in people's travels. Rivers have long been a huge problem in getting from point A to point B. Even today, many of our state borders  in the U.S. are defined by major waterways signifying their geographic importance.

 For me, the passage of Scripture from Joshua contains a strong metaphoric element that causes me to look at my own life obstacles (or rivers) that have hampered or delayed my personal path into God's promised Kingdom. There have been several, but probably none more significant to overcome than that period in my life I often write about on Kingdom Bloggers that I refer to as the dark years.

As for the stone I carry that's a physical reminder of God leading me through that darkness, I spoke about it back in September while presenting for a Wednesday night series at church where I attend on the history of the English-translated Bible. The series is called Essentials and has been received very well. I am one of three presenters in this ongoing series that looks at the fundamental elements of our faith...what makes us Christians. We don't get into denominational differences but rather look at the core Biblical principles of our theology.

Believing the Bible to be the inspired, inerrant word of God is absolutely pivotal to the foundation of our faith. I started my three night part of the series by sharing the story of a young man who went off to college and became lost in what I refer to as the pseudo-scholarship instructions of secular education (a term explained during a separate class) where skepticism is very often confused with critical thinking. To conclude that first night, I shared the 'rest of the story' you can see below...




Even though these days I use my smart phone or a reference study Bible my wife bought me a few years back in my readings and study, the Bible I hold up in the video is never far from me at any given time. It travels with me in the car, it stays on my desk or by my bed at home. That Bible that was gifted to me 30 years ago next May is the stone of remembrance I carry. Sure, the fact my personal stone is the actual living word of God helps remind me of the doubt that filled my heart those years ago, but that particular Bible also comforts me because I now know God was always with me as I crossed that river of doubt.

For that...I'm eternally grateful.


(If you're interested, you can check out and share the Essential Series on our church YouTube Channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/FFWBCCH)

Can I tell you what God has done in my life?

Have you had this moment? I have...and it hurt really bad.

Disobedience to God by nature is sin. Defiance is blasphemous. I've made no secret about the fact during my time on Kingdom Bloggers that I'm unfortunately guilty of both in my past.

Only by the grace of an almighty God through an absolutely free  pardon of those past sins can I peacefully rest at nights. But, it is only through the realization that this fact has everything to do with God and nothing about what I've done can I even write about it.

Giving my testimony was very counter-intuitive for me right after I stopped running from my Father. Most of that stemmed from the massive burden of guilt I carried around with me all the time, and the epiphany that God was under no obligation to take me back into His fold. Only after hours upon hours of Bible study and re-examining the lessons I had been taught from God's word while growing up did I truly and fundamentally understand that God's grace had been extended to far worse transgressors than me...from a worldly point of view.

Sin is sin to God as I understand things. David listed a pretty heavy line-up in his post Monday that included murderers, thieves, adulterers, and blasphemers. All saved by God's grace and used for His purpose. How do we so often overlook the complete story of David...or Paul? Word didn't travel in the first century at the blinding speed it does today. Can you imagine one of the first churches Paul visits to counsel? Wouldn't there be a degree of uneasiness and distrust initially toward a man noted to persecute and kill Christians? Could changing just the first letter of his name have that profound of an effect?

No...but God sure did.

Talking about past sins is uncomfortable business for most folks. Me included. But, I think that stems, to a degree, because our flesh seeks after acceptance from our peers. Cliche as it may be, we are also creators of habit, and habits die hard. Hiding sin is a common habit we all share.

¹⁹ Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the LORD your God.  1 Chronicles 22:19a (NIV)

That's David instructing the leaders of Israel to prepare to help Solomon build the temple. The same David that had committed atrocious acts of selfishness. Acts that hurt a great number of people and even resulted in death. The same David that only with his faith in God had single handily defeated the undefeat-able and saved his people, yet somehow managed to forget that fact later in life. A man God never gave up on and not only placed on an earthly throne of rule... but set in place for him to became the direct ancestor of His greatest gift of all.

That's how big God's grace can be. All I need to do is follow the wisdom of David's advise in Chronicles and let God do the rest. Not so hard when you think about it. After all...I'm already His child.

It's just really not that difficult when you think about it...

Yours truly could run an entire blog themed on this week's subject matter for Kingdom Bloggers. Unfortunately, there are far too many examples of disobedience in my spiritual life, but as the popular radio song goes...God's not finished with me yet.

I almost immediately knew what I was going to write about this week because God recently put me to the task. For several weeks, I kept running into the same person at an unusual frequency. I graduated high school with this person back during the Industrial Revolution, and we went a number of years without seeing or hearing from each other. Over the past year or so, this person (I'm remaining sex neutral for a reason) and I started bumping into each other at Wal-Mart, the grocery store, the mall and even once at a restaurant. After several times, we would just see each other and laugh...eventually avoiding the small talk altogether by just throwing up a polite hand in acknowledgment of one another.

Coincidence only goes so far in explaining such encounters, that is if you believe in coincidence. Deep down I knew God wanted me to talk to this person on a more personal level. During my prayer time, this person would often come to mind...now that's got to be God trying to tell you something! But still...the awkwardness of broaching the subject matter of God with the person at a haphazard meeting was daunting.

Finally, I realized the problem for me was rooted in who I had been when this person and I shared a common past. My failure to let go of the 'old Tony' was hampering the new me from being obedient to God...whom I now served. I commited to having a testimonial conversation with this person the very next time we met face to face.

Weeks went by, then months. Pretty soon the better part of a year was gone. The opportunity to redeem myself with obedience seemed to have vanished. I tried being more proactive by asking friends about this person, searching for a telephone number or address, and even looking through a then new medium called MySpace. Nothing. I was crushed by the thought of disappointing the One who has never disappointed me. I prayed for one more opportunity to make things right.

Nearly two years past when I received a Friend Request on FaceBook from this person. Bingo! I quickly accepted and sent a message of thanks for the request. My first inclination was to dump it all out there at once and completely atone for my prior disobedience...but then a feeling to wait came over me. Now, I'm no Rhodes Scholar or anything, but I am smart enough not to step in the same hole twice...well, most of the time. So, I took time to pray and ask God to guide me in this situation...and again I got 'wait'.

Several more weeks go by when I get a message in my Facebook Inbox from this person. The message conveyed surprise at the openness I displayed concerning my faith on the social media site, and how I must have changed from the Tony they once knew. Finally! I kept my reply loose and nonchalant...and replied that God had truly changed my life for the better. There were a couple of pleasant exchanges with one being a confirmation that my blog, Tony C Today, was evidence I hadn't lost my sense of humor.

I recently ran into this person again in Wal-Mart (I promise we don't use the retailer as a social site on purpose here in Tennessee...well, I don't at least), and after the necessary pleasantries...I finally talk about what God had done for me and how the same could easily apply to them.

No news yet...but I hope this person is reading today and knows how important they are to God and to me. Oh...and I'm truly sorry about my procrastination too. Some things just don't change with either time or faith...unless you really want them too.

Jesus Saves, and That's Not All!

If you read the synoptic gospels and the book of Acts, a couple of things should be very clear. 1) Jesus is not only a miracle worker and teacher, but His ministry transformed lives.

2) The supernatural Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lord, the great I Am – the God of all, has a personal side which anyone can touch with faith.

Even the vilest of men, the brightest and the dumbest -- those caught in terrible situations and those that create them. Yes, those that suffer in their minds and bodies, they too can have a personal and real relationship to this living God whose name is Jesus.

An encounter with Jesus transformed the woman at the well, the woman taken in adultery, Zacchaeus, Nicodemus and of course the twelve. Reading the Bible tends to put some sort of separation between us and Jesus. After all, if these folks knew Him personally, there must be something different about them, right? The answer is resounding no! And well a little bit of a yes. We are no different than those who knew Jesus in the flesh. Truthfully, we have an advantage they didn't have. That is a relationship through the Holy Spirit which has been available to us since the day of Pentecost.

So, what does it take to be transformed? Here’s my story.

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

I grew up in a small town not far from the Yale Campus in New Haven. My mother was an educator and my father a foundry worker – and alcoholic. I had little in the way of meaningful church upbringing. As young children my brothers and sister attended the little stone Congregational church in town. We had the traditional Christmas Pageant as well as some Sunday school lessons on the major Bible stories. We learned that Moses crossed the Red Sea while the tide went out, and Stephen was stoned to death – well, originally I thought on drugs – after all I was a child growing up in the psychedelic 60’s.

The Vietnam War raged on, and I was sure that I would die in the jungles of Southeast Asia —well if the Russians didn't drop the “bomb” on us first. For me, there was no safe place, not at home, not in the world, no where. Without faith, I “wished” things would change – but they got worse. There were so many things that I didn't understand. I lay awake – fearful of almost everything. I longed for a relationship with my dad, and the comforting embrace of my mother. They never came.

Between sixth and seventh grade I started sneaking beer and smoking pot. Each chance I had to indulge, I did. By ninth grade, even though I had aspirations of being a professional hockey player, or motocross racer, I was drinking and/or getting high on an almost daily basis. Sports trophies and good grades paled in light of my new found friend.

Sure, I could slow down for hockey season, or long enough to practice a hundred laps in the sand lot near my house. But I was dependent on escaping from reality -- the very chemical that made me laugh, also made me fearless. It replaced my desire to be with family and friends - it was the god of my life.

My theme song was Sex, and Drugs and Rock and Roll. Even though I worked hard shooting hundreds of pucks a day and staying on the pond until it was dark, I only manged to be an adequate hockey player -- I knew that I was was no Bobby Orr. As fast as I could ride, I couldn't catch the #1 plate at the track-- I'd settle for #128. So, one day I gave up trying-- opting for parties and concerts.

I had a few run ins with the law-- but never a conviction.

Things of course, went from bad to worse, and though I graduated High school, I couldn't get into school -- well I was 222 out of 224 in my class. The other two guys died of overdoses. I tried working for two years, and became unemployable spending lunches at the bar and oversleeping on Mondays.

Bars, work, booze, parties, sleep, depression - it was an endless cycle.

I tried to get my act together. I quit drinking, bought a guitar and got accepted to college - but I chose the one with the most beer bottles in the parking lot.

A few months before college I went off to a 12 Step conference and was hanging out with guys that were younger than me. We talked about God and how I was an atheist. They shared their sense of spirituality with me and told me they loved me and that God did too.

Something happened. I just broke down for the first time in my life, and cried out - God if you are out there, come show yourself to me. My heart was flooded with an amazing presence which I didn't even understand. What I do know is that God saved me, right then and there, that hot July day - way back in 1978 on the Skidmore College campus - some place in New York state.

It took me two years to finally quit drinking for good. It took another couple for me to get going to church on a regular basis. God? He was patient and faithful. In 1982 I was radically filled with the Holy Spirit and passion for Jesus and a heart to serve Him were made alive in my heart like never before.

The rest is history - or should I say His Story.

Jesus Ain't A Quitter

Like no other time in my Faith, I was intensely focused on the Kingdom. I was digging into the Word with passion. Instead of watching Sportscenter first thing in the morning, I was reading my Bible. Instead of watching cartoon network after work, I was marking up the margins of my bible with new insights. I dusted off the concordance and was "discovering" answers to questions I had noted in the columns years before. I was memorizing Scripture and singing Praise and Worship as I was banging around the house, even at work. I would even break out a song of my own while on the job or in the grocery store. Sometimes His love would be so great I would sing in Tongues. (I imagine this might have been odd to those who didn't know me, maybe even to those who did?) I was sharing Jesus with people, I was even praying for co workers right the spot. I was soaring! I was strong!

Man, it is easy to praise Him when things are going great.

During this time of strength, I made a few choices that would impact my life. I did not enter into these decisions lightly. I prayed about each one, I sought the advice of friends who knew me well enough to speak honestly with me. I confirmed my decisions with Scripture. I was confidant that I was in "God's will."
And right now, I can strongly say that some of those decisions that I had made were my will!
It sucks having to admit that. I hurts even more as I am still digging out from some of the decisions I made. Periodically, I have had to stop myself from thinking about "what if", "I coulda" or "I shoulda".

Coulda? Shoulda? DIDN'T!

If I am honest with myself and with Jesus, during a period of great strength I made poor choices. But it was a season of pain and suffering that has strengthened my Faith and character the most. It is this time in my Faith that I want to testify to His Victory.

I went to church on one Sunday morning with my son Logan. That actually was a huge first step for me, because I was so upset with God that I didn't want to waste my time at another Sunday "dis-service". Then I got lost looking for the church I wanted to visit. Like a majority of churches, 10:00 a.m. is the required start time, so with time running out, I gave up searching for that church. Instead, I pulled into a church that I had attended previously, many years ago when they held Saturday night services but no longer did. (yeah, that was pretty cool and convenient being able to fellowship on a Saturday night).

By this time I was irritable and I imagine it showed on my face because, the greeters and ushers let me walk by without the usual questions of "Is this your first time here?" "What's your name?" "Do you have our visitors packet?"

When worship began, I was tossing around all sorts of criticisms in my mind. As usual the sound was at concert level and the worship team wasn't leading the body in worship, but more so they were performing for the congregation. Then, after one song, the band stopped playing and announcements were given and the beggar's pots, errrr, collection baskets were passed around. It's interesting to me how often Worship of Jesus will get interrupted for announcements, collections, introductions and such, but I have yet to see a sermon interrupted for the same tasks.

By this time I was wanting to split! But I felt like Holy Spirit was keeping me there. So as I am singing through a clenched jaw, I become overwhelmed with all the mistakes I had made that led me to this time of darkness. I wanted to bolt out of there so bad, but I stayed. I would like to say that is was me that made the decision to stick it out, but I know that it was His strength that enabled me to "endure". And then the song Blessed Be Your Name appeared on the overhead screen. It could only be His Spirit deep inside that led me to I say to myself, "He is worthy of my praise! I am gonna praise God!"

It aint easy blessing Jesus when life sucks!

But it is so much easier to bless Him in difficult times,
than trying to slug through the slop and slime of life without Him!

I had lived almost a decade in my Faith being selfish, inconsiderate and angry with God in tough times. I spewed horrible things to a loving Dad that still bring shame to me when I recall those moments. More than once, I told Jesus "I Quit" when things weren't going my way. During one of my 'tantrums' I went so far as to call my friend and Spiritual Dad and tell him I wanted nothing more to do with being a Christian.

Now, I didn't doubt the confession of my mouth unto Salvation. I am not saying that my walk was a waste of my time. What I am saying is that this lesson took way too long for me to learn. On that Sunday, I finally declared Jesus is Lord, no matter how I felt about my situation, my life or my relationship with Him. I made up my heart to Praise God because He is God, not because I was happy. I also learned the difference between being happy and having Joy. Happiness is based upon my surroundings; whereas Joy comes from within. A Joy that can overcome my emotions and my negativity can only come from an Eternal, loving God, that gave His Son to pay the price for all my selfishness. I know it was Jesus who never gave up on me even when I wanted nothing to do with Him. Even when I quit on Jesus, He didnt quit on me!
Thank God Jesus aint a quitter!

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

Just as far as the East is from the West...

Not too many Sundays ago, our church service was interrupted by something quite extraordinary..well at least for us. During the praise music, the Praise Leader said he felt drawn to ask if anyone would like to give a testimony. Almost an hour later, the last person stood up and publicly thanked God for what he was doing in their life. Some of the testimonies would be hard pressed to meet the definition by some standards, but then, very few actually realize God is good always...even when things are good and bad for us.

I listened and thought...actually envied...some of the people who spoke that morning knowing they had likely always lived Godly lives. 'God must really show favor to them for being committed for so long, never testing or doubting Him. I wish I could have been like that for God all my life,' I thought to myself. How foolish that sounds to me looking back.

Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I was raised in a Christian home and attended church through my entire youth. When I was a a junior in high school, I accepted and rejoiced that Jesus had died for my sins and followed through that acceptance with baptism. Those of you who have done the same understand the peace and joy associated with asking for forgiveness and giving your life to God. I was on fire for God the better part of a year...

My senior year of high school brought the typical popularity of finally being at the top of the totem pole. I was an athlete, entertainer, and go-to guy. My click ran the show at our 1200 plus student school. I could do no wrong...or at least any wrong that wasn't shortly forgiven. Life was good...but it wasn't very pious. God had given me a stage, and I used it. But I used it for me and not Him.

I was awarded a full scholarship by the U.S. Marine Corps to attend any one of fifty-five university with an NROTC program at the time. The Navy and Marines were very selective about where they put commissioning programs, so I left my small town and headed to Nashville. Vanderbilt was one of the fifty-five. I didn't know a single person in Nashville, but that fact didn't bother me in the slightest. I had the world by the tail and was to make the very most of that fact.

Shortly after settling into my new surroundings and experiencing my new found freedoms, I just forgot God and the fact that all that I had in life was actually from Him. My fall wasn't sudden by any means. My feelings of self-importance had grown to the point of glowing pride...arrogance. I drank and partied without conscience. I was promiscuous and focused on sex. Soon came an obsession with weight lifting leading to steroid abuse. It was a vicious out of control circle. As my body swelled more and more, so did my pride and my lustful thoughts and actions. I couldn't hold relationships together for being unfaithful at most any opportunity with no regards to consequence. Keeping my grades up became secondary to winning the next power lifting meet or scoring with a new prospect. I was in near constant fear of losing my scholarship and being in a world of trouble. But the fear couldn't overcome my overconfidence. Things seemed to always work out for Tony...

The exact moment when I turned away from my relationship with God is hard to pinpoint, and I'm glad for that fact now. To believe in God became both cliche and a sign of mental weakness to me...man's need to be comforted in the prospect that life and death isn't finite. There's more and we know the secret to unlocking the eternal. I was never so bold as to deny that God existed...oh no...but why would an all-powerful being care about our insignificant, inconsequential lives. We could barely break from our own planet, much less understand the concepts of omnipresence and omnipotence.

After graduation, I was commissioned an officer in the U.S. Marine Corps. An elite group that I pushed to be at the top of...to be the best of the best. I was rewarded with prime assignments and school/training opportunities. I also married for the first time, but my wife, unfortunately, was but an after-thought to feeding the ego maniacal person I had become. She was a good person... just married to the wrong man.

I resigned my commission after five years of active service to try to salvage my marriage. I realize now that effort was more about not failing at marriage than rebuilding my relationship. She had let me escape on too many issues. My promiscuous behavior surely would come back time and time again. Finally, she had enough and my failure as a husband was cast in cement.

Too quickly, I moved on and into a relationship with more loose ties. Perfect for me. God was no where near this relationship (in my mind), but I felt the need to become a father, so I married a second time. Misplaced scruples if ever there was a case. I was also heavily involved in politics, and the image of a family man was invaluable. I drifted back to attending church for the same reason. I had become an actual hypocrite by very definition.

My life continued to spiral out of control from a spiritual perspective. I was openly agnostic and frequently argued with my mother and sister about their unrealistic, dogmatic beliefs. I didn't need God and He sure didn't need me. My second marriage fell apart shortly after the birth of my daughter. Although she quickly became the focus of most of my attention, I was neglecting her in a way that haunts me today. My mother and sister made sure she was taken to church from an early age...not me.

I know this has become a very long post, and I apologize. But to fully understand the reach of God's love in my life, it can't be condensed Reader's Digest style.

I was in a great job that had grown to over 150 employees working for me, thanks in large part to my drive to succeed. I was a local radio personality, by hobby, broadcasting sports for my old high school. I was single and fully enjoying it. I had given up on trying to hold together relationships because it required too much energy, so I would string together shallow associations to ensure the nights my daughter wasn't with me weren't spent alone. It all seemed to be working so well for me....but I was still empty....longing.

It is at this point God put two very important people in my life. One worked for me in middle management. He was driven, compassionate and not afraid to talk about God. The other was much more subtle. She was still in high school, but lived a very openly Christian life.

Many days I found myself wondering into the office of the guy at work to chat philosophy. He was very grounded in what he believed and why he believed it. I began to greatly enjoy our talks and even started reading on my own again in the Bible.

The high school student would always come visit and talk to me at basketball games because she was dating one of the players. Her mom and dad were about four years older than me, and we actually knew each other from earlier days. There came a point when I was looking for someone trustworthy to pick up my daughter from after-school or even watch her on occasion, and this girl was perfect. One of those nights she watched my daughter lead to a life-changing exchange for me.

Looking back on it, I think I was irritated about something and was looking for an argument with just about anyone about anything. When I got home, she was there watching TV and my daughter was in her bed. Out of the gate I made some off-cuff remark about religion to get it started. She never flinch with her rebuttal. I fired again and she returned. The next several hours are actually a little fuzzy, but beyond doubt, I was completely humiliated in a debate about faith, about God by a high school student. Gasp...

I didn't sleep much that night while God really, truly dealt with me. At some point near sunrise..after tossing and turning, crying and even pacing...I ended up on my knees... begging God to forgive my ignorance, arrogance and disobedience. How dare I try to shake the faith, plant doubt in one of God's faithful children? As the sun came up that morning, I was a different man...really transformed.

It actually hurts me to write what I have written here. I am truly ashamed at even trying to recapture the brash, obnoxious person I was back then for the sake of this post. My life would getting harder before it got better, but one thing I was sure... no matter what happened to me from that day forward, I would live for God. I would spend every single day of what life I had left making up for my sins. It was the very least I could do for Him... because He never gave up on me.

As I said, things would get worse before they got better in my life. I would face challenges and consequences as a result of my past sins...but that can be, as Paul Harvey so famously says, the rest of the story...