Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm No Dare Devil

I’ve gone through lots of struggles in my life. That is an understatement. If you want to know more, check out my own blog. I am writing about my early life. I am writing about God's faithfulness. My theme song has been Through It All.

I’ve written on this blog before about God never leaving me or forsaking me. You can read it here.  The fact that God doesn’t leave us is one of those things that you can usually agree with in your head, but your heart often wonders.

A number of years ago I was after God with full force. I wanted to swim in the river of God – in fact, I had dived headfirst right in. I wanted it all. I didn’t want to miss a thing. I am a life-long Pentecostal. I had read about Azusa Street and other revivals. I was sure this was my turn to experience these wondrous things. I wasn’t going to miss it.

A friend and I would go to the church every day during lunch to pray. We’d let ourselves in, turn on some worship music and storm heaven for revival. We began to see it. Then the bottom fell out. Death, calamity, betrayal, accusations, and a host of other things devastated my life to the point I could barely function. Where I was leading the charge for revival, now I could barely drag myself to church. When I did, I would often wander to the back of the church and sit on the floor. If my church family didn’t love me so much, they probably would have asked me to leave.

It was definitely one of the times I wondered where God was – this “Jesus and Me” stuff wasn’t working. I was sure I had been forsaken.  

One day I was talking to my pastor. I said remember that poster that you’ve seen. The one where the rope has a knot at the end and the cat is holding on for dear life.  

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. 

I said,
I have no knot and I’m not hanging on any more.
His answer was astoundingly profound and something I’ll never forget. He agreed. I had stopped hanging on. He said.
Joyce you are in a freefall. It’s scary. You don’t know whether you’re going to hit the ground and die. Nevertheless, Jesus is there, and He’s going to catch you.

Sometimes, we can’t hold on. Sometimes our own strength just is not enough. Sometimes our world ends. Instead of diving in the river of God swimming and splashing in blessing, we just dive into an abyss and think we’ll die.

Jesus caught me. Have you ever been a free-fall? How did Jesus catch you?

1 comment:

Solid Rock or Sinking Sand said...

When I am at the end of my "Rope" and feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel.... I totally put my life in God's hands and He is always there for me. Jesus is the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel of life and He will catch us when we can no longer hold on the the rope of life. I'm praying for you. God bless, Lloyd