What if you do theRight things but don't appear to have the Right Results?

You know those sharp looking articles that you find that tell you stuff such as the 7 steps to becoming a strong spiritual leader in the home? Well, this post isn't one of those..

While I find talking about spiritual leadership fascinating, I find providing it in the home challenging

I really appreciate what Joyce had to say about how you must start by leading yourself. If I don't have a vital, intimate, connection with, and commitment to, God - then how I can I spiritually lead my family? I adored what David said about knowing the dreams of those you're leading, and having an investment in seeing them fulfill their dreams. Constantly seeking how God can use you to help them accomplish their dreams. Good stuff.

I struggle.

If you would have asked me about this topic three years ago I would have had a whole lot to say. That was when my oldest son was finishing up his first year at West Point (the college he'd dreamed of attending), my youngest son was exceptionally interested in spiritual matters, and both my youngest and middle sons were getting top grades, excelling in sports, and consistent in their personal times in the Word and church attendance. Yes, in those days I would have thought I knew how to make things happen.

Since that time I've continued to do that which I knew to do: have a vital & growing personal relationship with God that included reaching out to others on an ongoing basis, have family dinners together, have prayer and praise be as natural to our home as breathing oxygen, encourage my children in their areas of giftedness, fervently pray on a regular basis with my husband for our children. But, now things are different.

My two younger sons aren't thinking I'm too great; in fact, they're thinking I'm rather terrible. Some of this is due to my allowing them to experience the natural consequences of some poor choices on their parts. Because a big part of my goals in parenting is to develop independent, competent in daily life, Christ centered, adults - I can't cushion their blows. Sometimes they've got to learn the hard way, from life consequences, why I've always told them to do, or refrain from, certain things. Some of this may also simply be part of the whole "teenage angst" thing - they don't feel so great and don't really know why, so it must be mom's fault. Some of this may do to that whole individuation process - them become separate, independent, adults. Some of this may be due to my own mistakes, sins, and poor choices. Whatever the cause, I question how I can be much of a leader to two young men who don't think much of me, who certainly wouldn't follow me anywhere that they didn't have to.

So - what's God teaching me about leadership in the home?

I guess that can be summarized by saying that I'm learning how live dependent on Him when I'm doing all I know to do, but am not right at this moment seeing the results that I think I should.

The Holy Spirit has encouraged my heart countless times with the words from Galatians 6:8-10 (MSG):

^7-8 Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

^9-10 So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.

I'm grateful that when it's all said and done, what is expected of me is obedience to what I know to do and then to trust God with the results.

What about you, what's God been teaching you about spiritual leadership in the home?

Supertastic Leadership

I have learned more about God since becoming a Dad.  I have come to understand how He can love me even when I am at my absolute worst or most rebellious.  I understand the need for Grace and how it should never be earned, but given freely.  The love I have for my kids cannot even compare to the Love that God has for each one of His kids.

 Every night, each one of prays for all the moms and dads, all the grandmas and grandpas and all of our family and friends.  With the blended family and the competitiveness between Naomi and Logan, we had to group all those outside of our house together just so prayers wouldn't last 2 hours. After each individual prayers for the groups, one at a time, we will lay hands on each other and pray that Jesus would bless each Supertastic.

Jensen, the youngest Supertastic at 18 month old, has recently begun 'joining' us in prayers. When each one of will begin laying hands on the rest of the family, he will put his hands upon his head.  Pretty amusing and pretty cool that Jensen is growing up in a house of prayer.

Now I could wind up this entry about leadership with a verse (Proverbs 22.6)and how important it is we are aware of all the eyes upon us.  But I wanna go a little deeper.

See, even before Jensen began 'praying' with us, he was already intimating my leadership. One day when I got home from work, Nikki told me how Jensen was stomping around the living room with a scowl, an angry tone barking "NOW" while jabbing his little index finger at Nikki, Naomi and Logan.  Both older kids agreed, "He looks like Daddy!"A couple of days later I got to witness Jensen's 'outrage'. I gotta admit it was pretty funny, but even more convicting.

Is this what Jensen saw more of out of me? Is that what my family saw me as?  An angry, demanding Dad, that could only get his point across through fear or intimidation?  Is this what my kids are gonna remember the most about? 

So I will conclude with two verses.  Two verses that can instantly lead to confession to my Dad in Heaven about the kind of Dad I wanna be.  The kind of Dad I am supposed to be.

The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.

Psalm 20.7

Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.

Proverbs 17.6

Lead on your knees...

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership. I was really upset with myself for missing last week. I almost never forget anything – so I thought wow – I’m really stressed or busy or something. I completely forgot about filling my day last week.

I apologized to my fellow bloggers. They graciously understood. However, I was also disappointed because I actually thought I had something to say about leadership. I’ve been reading all sorts of books on leadership. I spent 8 days living in a dorm on campus to complete a course in Intra-personal Leadership as part of my doctoral program. Leadership was something I have been living with now for weeks.

Had I blogged last week, I would have told you that all leadership begins with leadership of yourself. That’s a pretty big statement. I think leading ourselves is the hardest thing to do. It’s easier to lead others. However, if you don’t know where you going, you’ll be like the blind-man who leads everyone into the ditch.

I’ve been told I am a natural leader. I think that’s true but I’ve had the hardest time leading myself. That’s changing and that’s good. But what about leadership with children at home? Is that any different than any other type of leadership?

I think it is. The stakes are huge. You’ve brought children into the world, or you’ve agreed to raise them as part of your family – their future is in your hands. Truth be told, most of us fail in at least parts of this responsibility. I often wonder why God gives us such an awesome serious responsibility knowing that we’ll probably screw up at least part of it.

I’ve raised 8 wonderful children. With each one of them, I can think of things I did right and things I didn’t do so well.  I tend to think of those things I didn’t do so well the most. Every time they have a trial or a mishap, they make bad decisions or go the wrong way in life, I wonder. Was it my fault? What if I had done this better or that better?

If I were to give anyone advice, at this point in my life, about parenting and leadership in your home it would be to pray, pray, pray and pray some more. You are going to screw up. You are going to do the very best you can and you’re still going to have moments that looking back, you’ll wish you did better.

Yes, pray for God to make you a better parent. That’s always very helpful and needful. I prayed a lot when mine were growing up and now I wonder if it was enough. But the prayer is more for you. It is so you can receive grace, the grace to go on and keep doing the best you can even when your best isn’t enough. 

Who's Your Daddy?

My house is filled with kid art. We have a curio cabinet of collectibles, and some of them are handmade by my children. There is a plaster tiger, a ceramic bell, a clay dog with a bowl, and plaster of paris pig.

I really do have talented kids!

This week the Kingdom faithful are going to write about what it's like to lead a family. Last week we blogged about church leadership, and this week we're encouraging you to "try this at home!"

Erin, my 19-year-old was telling the youth group leader about me. And she told my daughter that she wanted to meet me. Wow, that's strange, what could she have said to to elicit that response?

My 22-year-old, Zöe tells her friends I'm a sick guitarist. And I might be - you decide.

My little one, Charlotte is just 6. She will say "that's my dad," if she even remembers to say that much.

It's an interesting topic for a guy who has been divorced. That alone caused a lot of damage to my older kids, and doesn't make it easy for the little one either. All that is another long blog.

My job is to be the head of the house as Christ is to the church. There are lots of teachings about that - but I am to simply lay down my life for them. Their needs come first, and mine come last. That is the position of a Christian leader.

As the leader, I need to look at how I lead them. I can only lead by example - and well - I am not always the best example.

I have tried to make the dinner table an altar (Duet 6). It is place to talk about our day with each other, to have the cell phones shut off, and to skip the discipline that is so easy to turn on. I don't alway succeed, but we do pray together holding hands, we talk to each other, have worship music playing, and we stay until the end.

As a leader, I want my kids to succeed in their dreams. One daughter wanted to be a fashion designer, and I worked with her to find a college; she just graduated with honors. She hasn't found a job yet, but it is what she wanted to do. I have another that really wanted to be at hair school, she was going, but it doesn't seem to be for her. I am not mad about it. I think she could have stuck it out, but she has other plans.

My wife wants to live on a farm and take care of horses. We went looking for farms today. I want her to succeed.

That's really the job of being a leader in your home. You get to be a cheerleader for what everyone else wants to do. It makes me feel as if I have some success when those I love achieve their dreams and have a mountain top experience. (Yes, that us on top of Mt. Washington - 6,288 feet)

Lead, follow or get out...the serving dishes?

The church could sure benefit from following the United States Marine Corps example when it comes to leadership...

Let's face it. Jesus was an awesome leader while He walked the Earth. As a matter of fact, He was the ultimate example, the perfect template for what leadership is all about. Of course, the same can be said about any number of other categories as well.

But that's not fair! Jesus is God! Omnipotent and omnipresent.

As Christians, we really struggle to follow the example of Jesus on practically everything. We try...some of us really, really hard...but keep coming up short time and time again. Get over it! You and I will never be Jesus. Not now, not later and not when we're called Home. There's only One...and we aren't Him.

While following the example of Christ might be too lofty an expectation for us, the altruistic nature of Jesus is most worthy of an admirable effort to mimic, plus maybe...just maybe...God gave the church a more obtainable example in 1775 called the Corps. That's right.

The United States Marine Corps. Keepers of the peace and protectors of all that is right and good on this third chunk of rock from the Sun.

Sure. I'm a little biased on the subject matter, but you go with what you know. I know in the USMC...leadership reigns supreme. It's embedded in all that you do. From the moment you step off that bus at a Recruit Depot, recruits are being sized up on leadership abilities. It goes without saying that officer candidates live, breath, eat and dream on matters of leadership. The Marines don't hold to the politically correct philosophy that leaders are made and not born. Are you kidding me! If you're not cut out to be a leader, you will not make it. Period. Trust me, the Corps has develop a number of innovative ways to find out if you've got it or not too.

So how can the church adopt some of the principles used by the Corps to develop and groom present day church leadership? For the sake of David Johndrow who apparently comprehends best with bullet-style presentation, I give you three examples (a la Matt at The Church of No People) the church should follow:

1. Lessons from history are important. As a green Second Lieutenant freshly commissioned right out of college, experience was something I seriously lacked when I first donned the uniform. So the Corps sent me to Quantico , VA for six months to study tactics, strategies and lessons from battles as far back as biblical days. Pilots, lawyers, engineers, electronic warfare special and any other non-infantry related career field are all there along with the future infantry officers. Doesn't matter what you will ultimately do in the Corps, you will always first and foremost be an infantry leader of combat Marines, so you study history, take in the lessons of what has worked and what hasn't in the heat of battle. Knowledge is power, and power builds confidence. Leaders must be confident if nothing else..
   
   As Christians, we have the greatest source of human history at our disposal each and every day. The Holy Bible. All we need is right in there...the history of God's plan to grow His Kingdom and bring us Home when He so wills. You don't even have to sleep in the freezing cold, live in the wet and mud, or be away from you family to learn from leaders of the past. No, you can share the Bible's history with your family right in your own living room and help them be better leaders in the Kingdom too.
   
   
2. Leadership is a responsibility of everyone. Since combat is an ever-changing and fluid environment, a Marine never knows when he might be called upon to exercise his leadership in a given situation. Pay grades E-1 (Private) to O-9 (General)...every Marine fills a position in the chain of command. Someone sits atop that pyramid and ultimately answers to the President, or Commander in Chief, a civilian. However, Generals don't fight door-to-door in the urban trenches where life and death are played out from moment to moment, day after day. At every step up and down the chain of command, decisions are being made constantly...important decisions....and in each case leadership is being exercised. Generals exercise big picture leadership, while Lieutenants are up close and personal with the Marines they are charged with leading. How do Privates demonstrate leadership? Quite simply...by following their orders to the best of their ability. The Marine Corps learned along time ago, if you can't follow orders..chance are you aren't going to be very good giving orders.
   
   The church is a complex dynamic comprised of many different parts...ergo the body metaphor commonly used. Yet each part that makes up that dynamic plays an important role. Hopefully that's the role so desired by God. When the time comes, each part will be called upon to execute their function, and thus by nature, assume a leadership role. Some parts are involved daily in decisions making and planning while others may only be called upon in a very specific manner...but you lead to be ready. Executing your role in the body to the very best of your ability is in fact...leadership.
   
   
3. Leadership is most about serving others. Being in charge doesn't necessarily make someone a leader. To get others to follow you (especially in situations that could get them killed), first you must demonstrate a commitment to something greater than self. The unit, the command, the Corps, and the country's needs must be put ahead of your own. Marines will follow a good leader straight into the face of an enemy trying to desperately kill if they know that leader is willing to die right along side them. You can't effectively lead from the rear. Also, good leaders always put their Marines first. They make sure their Marines eat, rest, get mail or just about anything thing else before they do. Sure, rank has privileges...but that doesn't mean you have to use them. Service to God, country and Corps is an unofficial motto of every Marine. There's not a motto for service to self.
   
   It's not about me, it's about God. Those words flow easily from our lips as Christians, but what do our actions actually demonstrate? Being a part of the church...a part of the Kingdom...means dying to self daily according to Paul. That means as Christians, we must humble our self and accept that self-service is no good...then turn our self over to serving the Spirit as we are lead. If God truly comes first in the heart, the church would be filled with great leaders who understand their role and are ready to step up when called upon by the Spirit or by someone else lead by the Spirit. Great leadership is forged through a commitment to serve others above self, and never was there a better example of that than Jesus Christ.
   

I stand by the Corps' philosophy that leaders are born and not made, but with one slight modification. In the grandest scale of God's infinity...leaders in the Kingdom are made by being born...born again that is...and then following the example left by a risen Savior.

By the way, semper fidelis is Latin for always faithful...but that's another blog for another time.

Things aren't always as they appear

Although we all have our spheres of influence, I'm not so sure that leadership is for everyone.

When it comes to life in the church, 1 Corinthians 12 compares the church to a body, and the ministry gifts God gives to function in the church, to body parts. When you look at those descriptions, all gifts are needed, worthy and valuable - but not all are leadership gifts. We also have the truth presented repeatedly in scripture (Luke 12:40-52, Matthew 25:13-30, 1 Timothy 3:1-12) that we are responsible for what we are given; so, when we are given more responsibility, we are judged at a higher standard, more is expected from us.

But if we are meant to be leaders, then we are meant to be great leaders. What makes a leader great doesn't change according to circumstances. Be it in the work place, family, church, wherever - the same principles of truth work in all settings.

I've long been captivated by what Jesus said makes men great; especially what was recorded in Matthew 20:25-28 (NLT):

25 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 26 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. 28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I'm not sure if it was the teaching of the church that I grew up in, general Christian culture, or just my natural bent toward sin; but somehow I grew up with what I now see as "false humility". The characteristics of "false humility" are: Thinking myself to be less than everyone else, assuming that nothing I do is ever done good enough, assuming that if I'm truly humble I must always engage in those tasks that I've defined as the "lowliest" of tasks, never allowing others to do for me or compliment me in any way, basically having a worm in the dirt attitude. One of the biggest problems with "false humility" is that the focus is on myself. By contrast what I have come to see as true humility can be seen in these types of characteristics: Truth based, Christ centered, focused on how God can use me in the lives of others without concern for my position (be it at the front or the end of the line), focused on letting God show me how to develop those talents and gifts He's given me, knowledge that through Him I can do any and everything that He has set for me to accomplish.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, my "false humility" made me an ineffective leader; in my family, the workplace, and the church. I assumed that what Jesus was saying in Matthew 20:25-28 meant that I needed to act like a door mat, take most tasks upon myself (at a minimum those least desirable tasks), set out to please everyone, and never be anything but kind- which translated into non-confrontational and unclear. I was unclear because I didn't think it was "right" to tell others when they were doing something wrong, or to require specific performance of others (somehow in my messed up thinking I thought that would be the lording over people Jesus spoke about in Matthew 20:25). The results were that I didn't know how to manage my home, was frustrated in my relationships with my husband and children, failed to have my subordinates at work produce at high levels and provide high quality care, had frustrated subordinates at work (even though they may or may not have realized it, my poor leadership impacted the facility negatively), was only partially effective in ministry.

Interestingly enough, God taught me extensively about my false humility and how to lead greatly through an unsaved man who chose to mentor me in the work setting. It just went to show me that even the unsaved are blessed on this earth when they employ God's principles, and that God can use whomever He chooses to use.

To prevent myself from producing the never ending post here,I'll just share about three of the things that I learned with regard to Leadership:

* It's never about me. Once I step into the leadership position, is HAS to be about the people God's entrusted to me. Be those my children, employees, or other women and girls at church. My place is not to be focused, directly or indirectly, on getting my needs met or ego filled. How I feel, or if I find someone's personally appealing/like-able/easy to get along with, or if I'm being treated unfairly, does not matter. I am to be about praying for, and being keyed-into, those who are entrusted to me. What are their needs? What are their dreams and ambitions? What can I do to facilitate the growth of their gifts, talents, skills and abilities? How can God use me to help them produce and perform in ways they never dreamed possible? I am not able to do this if I do not make time to rest in God and take care of myself; my needs will just be too great to be able to focus on the people entrusted to me. For it to be all about those entrusted to me as a leader (read: mother, boss, women's ministry leader, youth minister, etc.), I've got to make chunks of time to be in the Word, in prayer, silent before God, to let Him meet the deepest needs of my heart. Things also work best when I get enough sleep, exercise, and proper nutrition.

* In order to lead I've got to know where we're going. I've got to look to God and let Him given me the vision and direction. Receiving on that level from God requires a time investment, and a commitment to keep seeking until I have the vision.

* God has given me certain positions, talents and gifts, and training to be utilized. I need to invest my time in those activities that perhaps only I can do. During a women's ministry leadership training recently I found it interesting that in my small group we all admitted that it was easy for us to just do the work, but that's not always where our time was meant to be spent. Often we need to step back and let others accomplish tasks with the gifts and talents they were given to do those very things, while we engage in training and building up others to lead. That was always especially difficult for me in the work place; to be candid, as an administrator it was easy to look like such a hero if I actually went and got the floor buffer and was out buffing the floors, or dealing with difficult patients, or handling the petty cash. But then what were my janitors, nurses, or office staff doing? And how did that allow me to pray about, network, and constantly be seeking new lines of revenue to sustain the enterprise so that we all could keep our jobs? Did it allow me to take time and invest in the facility's department directors and help them become more effective? Or did it just make me look like one of the bunch, and be popular? Being liked is not the goal; being obedient to God's calling and having Him produce results through me is what I want to be about.

What about you, how has God changed the way you look at leadership? What's He taught you about leadership? How has God taught you about leadership?

The Church Needs a Mask

Maybe it might not be me that touches a million people, maybe I will touch that one that will touch a million.

Charles "Mask" Lewis

Charles Lewis, aka, Mask had a vision that I think some in the church could learn from. He had a vision, he had goals, but his passion and dreams were greater than himself. His desire for success wasn't just for himself, it was to see mixed martial arts prosper as a sport and to help open doors for mma fighters. His vision, his passion was bigger than himself. He accepted the fact that he played a role in something greater than himself and success could not be measured by what he did or did not accomplish.

Whether it is an issue of pride or an issue of control, sometimes the church can get its focus off of the message and place it on the number of people hearing the message. The focus becomes on the service rather than serving. The focus is on the volume and performance of the message and not the message. The church wants to reach millions, the church wants to advance the Kingdom of God, but on its own terms. The focus is on the pulpit, on the title or the status and not on the message or the journey. Quickly, a "program" or group is disbanded because of the lack of numbers or "results" without consideration of what Holy Spirit may be doing.

I see it in individuals as well. People that want to share Jesus with millions but they don't want to share Jesus with their neighbor, coworker or the grocery store clerk they see throughout the week. The thinking is that their calling, their message, their Gifts are so amazing, so anointed, it must be shared with the world but the time can't be made to share with those around them. That person knows they are called to preach, but only from the pulpit and not at the workplace. They know they are an apostle, but they are only willing to be sent out by the church leadership and not by Jesus. They know they are to be a pastor, but don't feel qualified unless they have the title before their name.

Too many times believers base their success upon the immediate results and forget what Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 4:5. Too many times believers are not willing to concede their own vision for Holy Spirit's vision. Too many times people are not willing to accept where Jesus has placed them in the Church. While some are trying to reach the world for Jesus, they overlook the people Jesus has brought into their lives for His purpose. The person that may get overlooked by someone focused upon their own "ministry" could be the one to reach millions.

The gifts and the calling are irrevocable and God will use anyone and wants to see everyone saved. It is possible for us to limit God by limiting how He can use us for His good work. It is possible to limit the work Christ can do, by limiting how, when and where we are willing to serve Him. We have to be willing to be used by Jesus according to His will, wanting others to succeed in their ministry.

When it comes to the Kingdom of God, does it really matter who delivers the Good Word or how the Gospel is preached? Does it matter what title we have, where we minister or who we minister to as long as Jesus is glorified?

It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:7-9

At the Head of the Pack - Well, for 12 Laps

In the late 70's I raced motorcycles. That's my 1977 Honda 750/4 Super Sport. It was fast, really fast. At Louden track in New Hampshire, I drew poll position, and for 12 laps I was in the lead.

This week your Kingdom Bloggers are going to write about leadership - the Christian kind. As always, you never know what you are going to get until Cradic winds it up on Friday.

On the 13th lap I was passed by the number one rider in the US. I passed him on the back straight away going into a a downhill hairpin turn. I didn't make the corner and hit the hay bails and tires at somewhere in the vicinity of 80 mph.

I wasn't the leader anymore. I didn't even finish the race.

Church leadership is very different. It is not about being first, but about being last. Matthew 20:16 So the last will be first, and the first will be last.


I read this and I wonder how even something as small as a "Reserved for Pastor" sign can show up right at the door - sometimes closer than the handicapped space. Just a pet peeve... I know that real shepherds lead their flock from the back, caring for their safety and feeding. I guess the Larry King preachers need to have some sort of fanfare and popularity. It seems like it comes at a price to the church. I don't know, it is confusing to me.


Now that I'm done ranting, I will personalize this. I once received a prophecy in which God called me a "reluctant leader." For many years I struggled with what leadership really was - I still do. I used to co-lead a "Divorced and Widowed" group at church. I had no idea that the church considered this leadership - so I never even gave a thought to going to the leadership retreat. The Sunday after the retreat, the pastor asked me how come I wasn't there. Hunh? I had no idea I was considered a leader. I was just doing something that I felt the Lord wanted me to do. I didn't even have my name printed on the bulletin!


I have played on worship teams since the early 80's. I never led - actually, I have never been asked what songs I would like to do. It's funny how leadership can work in the church.


Me, I am more of a Gideon - a bit of a coward. I don't have a lot of faith or confidence when it comes to knowing what to do, or how things should go. There are better teachers, preachers, speakers, husbands, fathers, guitarists, and writers than David Johndrow. It is funny, in the same prophecy I received about being a reluctant leader, God also said that I would "write, write write."


There was a book by John Maxwell that a lot of folks read about 8 or 9 years ago. It seemed to be a "leadership manual" for a lot of church folks. And he makes some good points about effective leaders. Some would say that leaders are born, and others feel that they are made or can be trained. That may be true at work, but I disagree that is how it works in the church.


True church leaders are called and they act serving others. They can work in a team without being the boss. Like pushing a bus full of believers. That's the leadership I think is most biblical.

Being called by God is far more important than us pushing ahead with our natural talents. Certainly God can use our natural talents, but those are not spiritual gifts. In my case, God chose to use some of the things that I am not good at. I failed reading and/or English 9 out of 12 years. In college I received one of my lowest marks in English. God took a guy afraid to fly and sent him to South America and Scandinavia as a missionary. I don't believe that He is looking for talent.

I still don't really know what a leader is - it doesn't seem to be related to position, or title. I suppose just because we can get some folks to follow us could be a sign. Maybe real leadership is ministering God's heart, but anyone could do that, right? I still ponder what really makes a spiritual leader. The following verse is as far as I've gotten in my 30 year study.

2 Corinthians 12:10b For when I am weak, then I am strong.

How about you, are you weak? Do you believe that God can use it?

Be fruitful and multiply...but stick to one fruit please.

I love sex!

So stop the presses...right? No, a man declaring he loves sex is not exactly breaking news. But the fact of the matter is making the same enthusiastic proclamation with the addition of the words with my wife at the end creates a number of typical, although different, reactions from most people.

First, the socially conservative types (read Christians) squirm just a bit with discomfort because such things are just not declared in front of others. It's very unbecoming and impious...somehow. Let's ignore the facts already stated this week God create Adam and Eve as companions (including sexually), and He created all that is involved in the science we know as biology. God made us sexual beings. Deal with it and embrace the fact.

The second reaction usually involves repulsion on a different level....a much more secular level. It's just not chic or provocative enough to publicly proclaim such monogamously insinuating things. After all, the lure of the forbidden or the challenge of the chase drives these people. Sex isn't just function of reproduction or expression of intimacy...heavens no! Sex is erotically playful and most interesting when not caged in the confinements of civil union and certainly no place for religion. Don't you remember the great rebellion from sexual repression in the '60's?

Next comes the skeptic. Sure, you love sex with your wife now...but what about 10 years from now? 25 years? You've got your priorities all wrong if you're enjoying sex with your wife and telling people about it. Either that...or you're lying! You're trying to present your marriage as the perfect union and one-up everyone else. No way anyone having great sex with their wife is talking about it...no way. You're hiding something. I don't know exactly what...but something. You call yourself a Christian! Hypocrite is what you are!

Pervert! I'll bet you're one of those internet porn junkies! You've got sex on the brain. I see you on your little phone. Bet you're checking out www.hootywho.com or some other sick website just planning on taking out your sexual frustrations on your poor, faithfully loyal wife. You make me sick! She'll get tired of your abuse and put a bullet in you one day. Just wait and see. Janie's got a gun you know...

Six words. Just six words can create a firestorm of reaction or repulsion. But why and why especially among Christians? God is the author of sex, and He even defines some specifics about the act of sex in His Word. Song of Solomon? Now there's an erotic story if ever there's been one right in our own Bible. Granted, I've never compared my beautiful wife's hair to that of a goat, but hey...those were different times and a different culture!

I'm convinced God wants His children to be happy, and there's tons of evidence to support my hypothesis. Sex is just one of those many reasons, as long as, the primary focus is always on Him and not on the flesh itself. Yet somehow, our society has managed to dilute the most intimate act possible between a husband and wife, an act of complete submission and delightful ecstasy, by shifting the focus away from being a wonderful gift from God to a celebration of temporary self-indulgence and evolutionary luck of the draw exemplified by the popular motto if it feels good do it.

I love sex with my wife, and I thank God for that! But, I'd still thank God just as exuberantly for my wife if sex wasn't part of the deal...

It doesn't have to be Either - Or

One of the things that drives me nuts about America Christian culture is our weird attitudes toward sex!

On the one hand you've got the world thinking everything is about sex. Look at how so many women dress or just look at most advertisements. A favorite Christian teacher had me really laughing as she related how she was shopping at a drug store with her 2 young adult daughters recently and when they got up to the counter to make their purchases she saw that they were selling "sexy mints". To the complete chagrin of her daughters, she starting asking the clerk what made these mints sexy and how could one mint be more sexy than the other? The poor clerk simply admitted that she didn't know. The woman's daughters dragged her from the store before she could really start preaching!

On the other hand you've got Christians being strangely silent for the most part on the topic of sex. Occasionally you'll hear that sex belongs in marriage. But somehow the Western Christian church has managed to give off the vibe that sex not exactly "right". I think it may be a case of the proverbial throwing out the baby with the bathwater; the thought process going something along the lines of - since the world over emphasizes and misuses sex, it must therefor be wrong.

But how on earth could sex be wrong?

God created sex just like He created everything else. Are mountains wrong? Is fruit wrong? Is oxygen wrong?

I actually think the enemy has lied to the Western church about sex so that we'd remain silent concerning it and there by jeopardize our marriages. Because let's be candid, there's nothing more nourishing to a marriage than a flourishing sex life.

But can't we love God, be modest people, have appropriate boundaries, refrain from sharing too personal of details, and still have a great sex life in our marriages?!

I believe that we can. What about you?