Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Nausea As A Sign

When I was young someone wrote in a book this odd little poem:

God fixes a fix to fix you
If you fix the fix before its fixed
God will have to fix another fix to fix you.

I still don't understand what that means. I wish I did. You are welcome to comment and help me. 

I think it might have something to do with my understanding of disobedience. For many years I saw God as this harsh Being who was ready to clobber me every time I did something wrong. I used to lay awake at night repenting over and over again for the minutest of sin. I had seen too many Left Behind type movies they used to show in churches -- the ones where those left behind face the guillotine and the like. As a child I was in terror when my Godly mother wasn't home when I returned from school. I would flip on the TV and watch for news of a rapture type event. Since there was no CNN in those days, the lack of a breaking news special report assured me that all was well. 

Don't misunderstand me, sin is serious. Disobedience is not something loving children of our Father should do. However, we do. Sometimes we squirm and try to avoid what God wants us to do. Other times we are much more blatant about it.

One time, many years ago now, I was wanting God to use me in church with a "word from the Lord." I really wanted God to use me in this gift. I had prayed about it and was wondering how I would know. Then it happened. It was a normal service and I had this impression. I thought I was supposed to say something. I waited. Someone else gave a word. This happened three times. Each time I never said anything. By the third time I thought I was going to throw up. 

That night, dejected and feeling very disobedient I drove home. I thought God will never use a disobedient child like me. I learned something that night. I learned that God knew that I wasn't going to be obedient. He had someone in the wings ready to take my place. I also learned that this was a training session. Like that session with the live bullets that people in Basic Training go through. There are times when we are in the thick of it, and we blow it. Its real and yes, we've disobeyed. 

That wasn't the end of the story. God still uses me in this way. He had patience with me. He fixed the fix for me. It did take years before I would be obedient before I felt nausea. I could always count on the nausea if I hesitated too long. Terrible way to know that God wants you to give a "word." But it worked. I trained well for the glory of God.


David said...

Well, I think that God deals with each one of us individually. I know a guy that keeps saying things like, I would like to interpret dreams, or hear from God. After nearly 10 years, I wonder why he is still saying that? Then I hear someone like you that feels ill when you are not obedient to what God is doing. Hmmm... The only thing I can think of is "earnestly desire."

Me, I can't even imagine what these desert times are going to look like on judgment day. So often I feel led to do this or that, but the there is something so awkward about the situation, I keep to myself.

Thanks for being honest. Some days I think Christians often feel removed from the Gospel accounts because "Bible guys" like Paul never said they was doubtful. Amazingly his mistake in foretelling the fate of the shop in the latter chapters of Acts often goes unnoticed. Acts 27:10 and Acts 27:44.

Thanks for being real.

Joyce Lighari said...

Real is all I know how to be