When I am obedient, I have the most freedom. When I listen and do what Holy Spirit leads, life goes a lot smoother. For years, I had the view of God as a quick to anger, hard to please Dad. So there were many times I just did what I thought was best and asked Jesus to bless what I had going on. And on those few occasions when I did 'wait' on God, I looked for or even created the confirmation I needed so I could still get my way.
Eventually, this sorta faith failed me too many times. I wanted to stop learning things the hard way. I was sick of repeating the same mistakes over and over, in private and in public. I was exhausted from my sin that would reveal itself at the most embarrassing times.
Do I still live obediently? Unfortunately, no. Do I trust God more? Definitely, yes! It took a few years of abusing the Grace that had been given to me and dealing with the consequences of my selfishness and stupidity. After a few years of justifying my disobedience as Liberty and surrendering Peace and Joy for fleeting moments of pleasure, I was empty and broken.
I finally realized that rebellion is not Freedom.