Nausea As A Sign

When I was young someone wrote in a book this odd little poem:

God fixes a fix to fix you

If you fix the fix before its fixed

God will have to fix another fix to fix you.

I still don't understand what that means. I wish I did. You are welcome to comment and help me. 


I think it might have something to do with my understanding of disobedience. For many years I saw God as this harsh Being who was ready to clobber me every time I did something wrong. I used to lay awake at night repenting over and over again for the minutest of sin. I had seen too many Left Behind type movies they used to show in churches -- the ones where those left behind face the guillotine and the like. As a child I was in terror when my Godly mother wasn't home when I returned from school. I would flip on the TV and watch for news of a rapture type event. Since there was no CNN in those days, the lack of a breaking news special report assured me that all was well. 

Don't misunderstand me, sin is serious. Disobedience is not something loving children of our Father should do. However, we do. Sometimes we squirm and try to avoid what God wants us to do. Other times we are much more blatant about it.


One time, many years ago now, I was wanting God to use me in church with a "word from the Lord." I really wanted God to use me in this gift. I had prayed about it and was wondering how I would know. Then it happened. It was a normal service and I had this impression. I thought I was supposed to say something. I waited. Someone else gave a word. This happened three times. Each time I never said anything. By the third time I thought I was going to throw up. 


That night, dejected and feeling very disobedient I drove home. I thought God will never use a disobedient child like me. I learned something that night. I learned that God knew that I wasn't going to be obedient. He had someone in the wings ready to take my place. I also learned that this was a training session. Like that session with the live bullets that people in Basic Training go through. There are times when we are in the thick of it, and we blow it. Its real and yes, we've disobeyed. 


That wasn't the end of the story. God still uses me in this way. He had patience with me. He fixed the fix for me. It did take years before I would be obedient before I felt nausea. I could always count on the nausea if I hesitated too long. Terrible way to know that God wants you to give a "word." But it worked. I trained well for the glory of God.