My GPS Needs Adjustment

I am praying about a whole host of mundane issues.  If you know me, you know my life is on a yo-yo string most of the time.  I'm pulled here and there.  I travel by necessity, not  by choice. I have two houses, one a home, one where I have to live to be with my husband.  Life is very confusing.  Then there is the question of when?  Where should I be when and what is best? Best for who? Most of the time I decide based on other people's needs and desires.  That's good and then again, sometimes you get lost.

I have a new friend.  I consider her a friend even though I'm just in the early stages of getting to know her.  I am hoping she will become a close friend, but distance, busyness, and just life will determine whether that happens or not.  I am hopeful.  I like her.  I was lamenting some of the decisions I have to make on Facebook and this new friend responded.  She ended her response with saying: "sometimes you have to be uncomfortable in your heart just to be comfortable in your soul."  For some reason, that really hit me.  

Within minutes, I picked up a book I thought would be helpful for my research.  I highly recommend anything by Parker J. Palmer and this was no exception.  In A Hidden Wholeness I started reading about living a divided life - Palmer, spoke of taking care of your soul.  He spoke of living undivided.  A-ha... seems God was speaking.  Palmer shared that you have to find yourself, your soul. 

Another friend had told me to ask God about my decisions... I do and do and do that - but I honestly told her, I'm not hearing much from God these days.  I'm sort of just running on instinct and discipline.  I think that's the problem.  I think the problem is not these mundane decisions.  I think the problem is I am not taking care of my soul enough.  I think God was answering me through the wisdom of my new friend and of Palmer.  I think the bottom line in all of this is that Joyce has gotten so lost with busyness and taking care of people that she doesn't know who she is anymore.

What I am praying about is to find myself-to return to who I am and learn to "be." I need to find the uniqueness of me including all my brokenness so I can offer the uniqueness of me to the cause of the Kingdom of God.  What about you? Do you ever feel lost along the way?  Do you ever wonder who you were created to be? To be, not DO!  I've heard that message with my head so many times.  To be rather than to seem.  I heard it again this summer.  My soul needs to hear it not my head.

You weren't created to do - you were created to be... who are you? I'm looking for me. I'm getting closer to finding me. How about you?

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