God knows what the chocolates are...just let Him pick for you.

Lord knows I've had my share of Forrest Gump moments in life...


Just like in the story of Forrest Gump, I also had a period of running...and running...and running some more. And just like him, I wasn't running to reach a destination. I was running from a number of different things in my self-induced pathetic life.

While my running was metaphoric and not necessarily literal, the attempted escape also contained a huge Jonah element as whale...I mean well. My faith in God's plan for my life had faltered. Then my faith as a whole began to waiver. In my heart I never forgot who God really was, but in my head the doubts of his all-knowing, ever-present love began to multiply.

So I ran.

I've never been a fugitive from justice and can only image the constant fear and anxiety of being caught. As bad as that would be, not even that could possibly come close to the harsh emptiness and fear of living outside of God's will. If hell can be experienced on Earth, I unfortunately know where it can be found.

Also much like Forrest Gump, I don't claim to be the brightest star in the sky. Many of life's lessons I've had to learn from experiencing them the hard way...too stubborn to learn from the mistakes of others. But God knows me better than any person ever could. Even me. Let me state that I believe I have a choice in all matters of life. God blessed me with that ability just as He did each of you. I also don't believe God makes bad things happen to us. No. We are way too adept of that accomplishment all on our own. But thankfully...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  I Corinthians 13:4

After far too many years, I stopped running in 2002

I can't imagine being any other way than the way I am today. Far from perfect...but with a much deeper understanding of who God wants me to be. When you let go and let God take control, stop focusing on the direction you want for your life, and submit to the plan God has for you...there's no need to be looking over your shoulder in fear. You don't have to run away from things...just run to Him.
 

You mean it's not all about me?

One of the biggest areas of impact for me, that growing in my understanding of my identity in Christ has had, is in the area of how I see other people.

I hate to admit this (simply because I hate that it's true), but one of the biggest areas that I struggle with is selfishness. Without even realizing it, an attitude of everything being all about me can creep right into my daily life. One of the things I adore about being a wife and mother is the daily abundance of opportunities to selflessly give. Same for being in a supervisory situation at work. I'm grateful that God's given me these opportunities to learn and practice making others the priority.

You know what? I've noticed that I'm not alone in this struggle.

There's just something in human nature that seems to call out to make ourselves foremost. I think that's why Jesus considered the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself one of the two commandments upon which all the others hinge. He assumed that people love themselves; people may not have healthy self images, may not like themselves, may even engage in self destructive behavior on some level - but at the core, they love themselves. When they're hungry, they want to eat. When they are in pain, they want it to stop.

The situation is so commonplace that there's even a goofy country western song about this topic that makes me smile every time I hear it.

But as I learn and grow in my understanding of the identity of the Believer in Christ, my mindset changes. As I think of how valuable we are to God, the fact that the all mighty Creator of the Universe has adopted us into His family,and that He has given us a purpose, hope, and future; my heart changes. It's difficult to live in awareness of this identity and not see others as valuable.

What about you, how does understanding your identity in Christ affect your relationship with others?

Many Hats, One Unique Light

When I was a student at the University of Missouri, I kept my ID card throughout all the semesters I was there.  I didn’t want to stand in line in the heat in the Brewer Field House.  I also didn’t want to have my picture taken.  My husband on the other hand, went every semester and had a new card made.  He loved having a new card so he could chronicle his journey.  I’ve long since lost that ID card, but I do remember my student ID number. 

When I resumed my educational journey in pursuit of a Master’s degree in 2004, I received an ID card from Trevecca Nazarene University.  I still have it.  When I went to Sioux Falls Seminary, they gave me another one.  Back at Trevecca for my doctoral degree, I received a new one with the same numbers as the old one.  And of course, I have a driver’s license. 

ID cards are useful.  However, despite their name IDENTITY cards, they tell very little about me.  Oh they tell you I am a nerd.  I like to go to school. They tell you I have brown eyes and how old I am.  But they tell you so little about me as a person.  I recently wrote a blog about identity on Sounds of Hope, you can read it here. 

I wear so many hats.  I put the hats on to indicate the role I am in – wife, mother, student, grandmother, daughter, woman, employee, pastor, cook, chauffer, church leader, etc., etc.  But those are roles, they aren’t who I am.  I’ve spent a lifetime of trying to fulfill my roles at the expense of me.

I’m learning who I am.  I am learning what makes me tick.  I am learning that my identity is who God made me to be.  I was sharing with my husband some of the things I learned about myself while living on campus for 9 days.  It was a grueling experience.  However, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am overly conscientious, I learned I am a bit of a perfectionist and in order to achieve the best, I have to know the rules and expectations – when I don’t, I am very frustrated!  I learned that I can come across as snobby, when I am really just shy.  I learned that I can be part of a group and succeed at tasks I didn’t think I could do.  I learned I am a pretty okay person – that I am just me, I am who I am because I am wired that way and it’s okay to be me.

Seems we’re ending this blog with questions for you to ponder this week. 

My question to you is are there times you are afraid to be you because you think people judge you? 

I have – I still do… but I’m learning that it’s just me – my identity, who I am… and there’s no judgment in that … The Creator made you the way you are, with all your uniqueness – Remember the children’s song: This little light of mine – here’s the verse for you today

Hide it (YOURSELF, YOUR UNIQUENESS, YOUR IDENTITY) under a bushel NO

I’m going to let it shine

Hide it under a bushel NO

I’m going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Shine ON…. 

I Wasn't Meant to be a Wallflower

It never fails. Every summer, one bunch of Shasta daisies refuses to blend. If I cut and prune the plants, it is to no avail; quite simply, another bunch will grow taller elsewhere. Some years I’ve uprooted and replanted the plain Jane flowers but that wasn’t effective either. It is as though the daisy is competing with the tall and regal gladiolas or the playfulness of the cosmos. The daisy is not rare or exotic by any garden standards but it does not seem to understand that it was placed in the garden to be a backdrop for the flowers that razzle dazzle. The daisy recoils from minimization and rises to be a head above.

Sometimes, the purpose you are destined for can’t be tamed.

I wasn’t the leader in my family. I’m the youngest of two and if you’ve ever met my brother, you would quickly see how bright his star shines. He takes centre-stage, not because he demands it but others yield to him as a hurting child yields to his mother’s arms.

Besides that, my family position and gender preclude me from a leadership role. Had it been different while I was growing up, my parents would no longer be able to blame my school friend for leading me into wayward behaviour, instead of thinking I could have been the one doing the leading. Plus in a finite economy, there can only be one leader per family. My brother fit easily in that role.

In hindsight, my teenage rebellion was an arduous journey to break the mold that attempted to define me, to limit me. I emerged from my 20s, like one of my daisy flowers, with a view others could not see. But like my flowers, I continued to cut and prune myself attempting to blend in with the rest. I didn’t perceive what God was doing. Perhaps that was wisdom too, for I might have had to learn lessons in the same manner that Joseph did.

I took leadership classes - not to learn about leadership but because I liked the teacher who taught the class. In Bible studies, I made decisions because it benefited the group. I became their spokesperson because I thought no one else wanted the role and so I did to be helpful. I reasoned if it was good for me, it was good for others too.

Finally after several years, a good friend who seemed to have an inside track to the thoughts of God, looked me straight in the eye and said, “You are a leader, now lead.” It caught me off guard, like a blind man discovering he had sight by simply opening his eyes.

I am a leader. I wasn’t meant to be a wallflower.  It feels strange to say that out loud. It seems conceited, like Paul saying, “It’s better for you that I remain in the body.” But it’s not. It’s who I am because that’s who God made me to be.

What areas of your life have you tried to ignore? Perhaps those are the area(s) where God wants to use you. Leave a comment about your journey, let’s walk in confidence together.

It's Been Long Time Since I was "Carded"

Some years ago - okay, like nearly 30 - I was standing in line at the local liquor store to purchase a "nip" bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon for a guest  we were having to dinner. As an alcoholic (recovering since 1980), I had finagled a million ways to get booze while I was under age. Though I had a battery of fake ID cards, I had never been asked for one when I purchased an alcoholic beverage. Ever! This particular day I was in my mid-twenties and never gave it a thought.

"May I see your ID, sir?" the clerk said.

Slightly stunned (I had been sober for over 3 years, and I was well over the legal age of 18), I pulled out my wallet and handed over my Connecticut driver's license. I was sort of indignant, but decided not to say "who the hell do you think you are!"

On the way home as I was musing over what had just taken place, I thought the person who I had been was not very accurately described on my ID card. Although all the information was correct, it didn't really say anything about who I was. And thanks to our newest blogger, Andrea York, that is the topic here on Kingdom Bloggers this week: identity.


Dr. Phil often talks about defining moments in life. These are basically the events that shape who we are. Some of the significant ones were my addiction to alcohol and drugs, an alcoholic father, sobering up, finding Jesus, divorce, mission trips, my heart attack, the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, being a husband and father, and most importantly a couple of prophecies that rocked my world! The thing that I love about prophecy is that it reaches in and finds a portion of your spiritual DNA, making it visible. Some times prophecy reveals the way that God sees us, and that is very comforting - and on occasion unsettling at the same time.

In my life I have often been defined by the roles that I have had. To my high school friends I was a hockey player, a druggie, an artist and that crazy kid on the motorcycle. To my teachers I was the bottom of the class. To the cops I was nothing but trouble. To my kids some days I was God, and others days I was the biggest fool they knew. At their school I was Zöe' and Erin's dad, as well as the guy who could fix a PC in the parking lot. At church I was Mary Anne's husband and the electric guitarist. For a season I was a local superstar during the DOT COM bubble. In Brazil I was Pastor David. To my blog-mates I am a writer, and to my pastor I am a teacher. To my parents there is a long list of things that I have been which I am glad are under the blood of Jesus.

I sort of like psychology, and in the process I have take all sorts of tests for temperaments, spiritual gifting, the 5 Love Languages and personality types. I found them to be very helpful in knowing who I am, and on occasion, why I act like I do. According to the tests I am type A, and sometimes a B and a C - or according to Dr. Myers and Dr. Briggs I am an INFP. My love languages are time together and affection. Based on the MENSA application test, I am not a genius. Because I am a certified nut case, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory says I am not schizophrenic among other things.

The real question is this: Who is David, and what is his identity? As you can see, who we are is made up of many different elements. All of the things I have mentioned really speak to my soul, but not about my spirit or my heart. I have heard it preached that my identity is in Christ for as long as I have been a Christian. I still ponder what that really means. If the new man is really Christ in us, then I am in good shape - well if I believe it. The Bible says that David is an overcomer and more than a conqueror. The writer of Hebrews says I am of the sort that doesn't shrink back. It goes on to says that I am of a divine lineage which makes me a warrior, a priest and eventually a ruler. Some days I just don't feel like that at all.

The identity that I enjoy that most is being a son of the Most High. There I sit in his throne room with my head on his chest, listening to the heartbeat of all creation. That is where I get to be "me." I don't have to act, to perform, to use authority or rebel against it; I don't have to be good at anything and I don't have to be ashamed. I just get to be David, son of the Most High. And even better I get to call him Daddy.