How Do You Self-Care?

If you’re waiting for a nice life, buy a comfy La-Z-Boy, grab a long book and be prepared to wait. But know this, it’s not gonna happen because while you are waiting for our nice life, real life is happening and often, it’s not nice. Not counting how often we sabotage ourselves, stuff (crappy stuff) happens to us – stuff that threatens our peace, our sanity and even our safety. So what do you do when life happens? What’s your secret to self care? What are your habits?

Daniel had a lot of crappy things happen to him – he was [probably] forcibly removed from his family and taken to another country, in school he was taught evolution theories instead of creation, and whenever he thought he was getting ahead, his colleagues manipulated the King and tried to have him killed. What would you do? Probably what most of the young exiles did – conform to the pattern of their world by worrying, fretting and seeking self preservation (there’s a reason only 4 of the thousands are named). Daniel didn’t do that. Daniel 6:10 says when he learned about the new law (to worship King Darius only for the next 30 days), he went home and prayed on his knees, just as he had done before.

He had a holy habit – to pray. No matter what was going on around him, he did as he had always done. We all have habits and we all have our ‘go-to’s when life throws a wrench in our direction. Some console themselves with food, some with drugs or alcohol, some with pornography, some with TV, some even with scrapbooking. Me? I worship.

It’s true. Don’t hate me because I’m spiritual (just kidding). I wasn’t always like that but I can honestly say, over the past 3 years I’ve worshipped my way through problems. For the past year we’ve been dealing with relational issues with close family, job issues which will affect our future, and financial issues. I also help carry the load for others but I can’t carry it all without unloading and I do that through my worship. My Man knows it; when he tells me about [yet] another problem, I listen to him and help him unload and then I go outside and worship for as long as it takes my heart to become still.

A while back, I wrote a post, Offering a Sacrifice of Praise, and I recapped the effect of continual praise and worship even when it’s a sacrifice – it’s the fruit of lips that continually confess that his name, Jesus. It becomes a holy habit, just like Daniel. Do you have any holy habits? Do you want to develop some? Habits are habitual – keep doing them and they become a habit.

It’s been my joy and delight to write with other talented writers on Kingdom Bloggers for almost a year and a half. I marvel at the unity we share even though we’ve never met (except for Jenna Silliman) because there is one Spirit that works among us all. Tony C. will be back in the saddle, this time in the Monday spot.

Be blessed, and God keep you, Andrea York

Wise Counsel

Have you ever considered who you’d pick for your own personal advisory board? This week on Kingdom Bloggers, we are hand picking our own board of directors. Who’s on your list?

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It would be great to have my own personal board of directors; trusted people who have various gifts and perspectives. My first pick is John Paul Jackson. He’s a seasoned man of God, has integrity, plus my Man thinks he looks like God (movie portrayals), and who wouldn’t want God on your board of directors. What appeals to me most is he is a modern-day prophet. I need prophetic people around me, and who better to direct you than one whom God has given foreknowledge to?

My second pick is James Maloney. James knows and can teach scripture as well as anyone I’ve met. He brings the Scripture alive, and what’s more, he is able to aptly apply the truth in Scripture to life. Not too mention, he has unique supernatural gifting. He is also prophetic with a strong seer ability.

Next, I would pick Danny Silk. Danny cares about people and relationships. Where a relationship needs mending, Danny offers wise counsel to restore and reconcile broken relationships, at the same time making everyone involved feel empowered.

My board of directors is a little male-dominated so to even things out I’d invite my two friends, Janice & Nancy. Nancy has known me a long time, we have history; she loves me and has walked through many tests with me. I trust her judgement and listen to her counsel. Janice is the wisest woman I know. She’s also fearless and encourages me to trust God and take risks.

Finally, I’d invite Oprah Winfrey to my board of directors because I want someone with deep pockets to bankroll all the things I want to accomplish.

Self Control: I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Knew I Could

I struggle with self control. I can fake the other aspects of the fruit of the Spirit until they actually become part of my DNA but I can’t fake self control. It’s hard to turn down dessert (or a second piece of dessert). It’s hard not to purchase more than what I have on my shopping list at Costco. It’s hard to stay sexually pure until marriage. It’s hard not to share information about someone when others around you are gossiping. It’s hard to be self controlled.

All summer long, I’ve been dreading writing about self control. I considered aborting the Fruit of the Spirit series because I didn’t have anything to write – at least not by experience. In hindsight, it seems crazy how I let my thoughts go wild and draw me downward. I have personal testimony of the other aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, I know I’ve developed and matured. In fact, this week a high school friend texted me, “you are probably one of the most changed person since high school and now probably one of the most fulfilled person.” I have testimonies in other areas but I fail miserably with self control.

I was down about it until the Lord, who is my biggest cheerleader, asked, “What about when you stopped smoking (10 years ago)? Isn’t that self control?” And I looked at the area he was talking about and I conceded he had a point. Then he said, “And what about changing your eating habits? Isn’t that self control too?” Suddenly I had two areas where I had self control. If I have testimony in one area, then I can use that testimony until I see it again in another area. A testimony offers hope it can be replicated again.

As my thinking became clear again, I realized there are other areas I have self control – saying no to watching popular movies or TV because it violates my values, or getting up early to spend time with the Lord. Especially that last one - I was never a morning person but my desire for the Lord was greater than my desire for sleep so I became self controlled and disciplined in getting up early. Now, like the other aspects of growing in the fruit, it’s become part of my DNA – sleeping until 7am is sleeping in. I start my day with the Lord, not some days, but every day.

The Lord also spoke to me about the truth of the fruit of self control. It’s not oppressive - only focussed on what I can’t do, or shouldn’t do. It’s the pursuit of something greater and no longer thinking there is no other option, that the temptation is too great, or that I am what I am and I won’t change. It is freedom to say no (or say yes) to things that give and sustain life. Self control is free from addictions, free from strongholds, free from being a slave to sin.

Self Control is not merely being strong-willed and self-disciplined. It is a fruit of the Spirit, therefore it’s heavenly in nature. We have grace for it, if we ask for it. Ask for it, and ask God to give you your own testimony. He is faithful and he will do it.

Learn From Jesus

We’ve had a golden Labrador since my Boy was a toddler; the dog is as gentle as the sun is warm. When the time comes, I wouldn’t hesitate to replace her with another Labrador. She’s our second dog, the first is a Jack Russell, who in contrast is harsh, ornery and grumpy (but we love her anyway because she’s spunky, brazen and fearless). You can do almost anything to the Labrador and she’ll stay relaxed and at peace. My Boy used to climb all over her; when we watch movies, she lays at our feet, content to be used as a foot stool. You can pull her lips, flap her ears or use her as a puppet.

She is gentle but when she’s defending our property, she can be a beast to the one who is a threat. Her bark is loud and deep, and she doesn’t back down. When my Boy was younger, we’d send him outside to play but always sent the dog with him knowing she would defend the Boy if necessary but otherwise would remain a gentle companion at his side, playing hockey or soccer with him (she makes a good goalie) or is an excellent tracker in the game of hide & seek.

Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit as having gentleness, or being gentle (prautēs); Jesus preached blessed are the meek (praus), for they will inherit the earth. It’s the same root word and it’s how Jesus described himself in Matthew 11:29.  

Some people think of Jesus only as meek and mild, and we’ve been taught gentleness or meekness is being a door mat. Jesus is gentleness personified – he was and is always gentle, but he also was not a door mat. Remember his interactions with the Pharisees and with the temple money changers? Like my dog (yes, I’m using my dog as an example of how to live and exhibit the fruit of the Spirit), she is gentle in spirit but at the same time ferocious at the threat of intruders into her territory.

We should be likewise, the kingdom of heaven is ours and we should defend it, being gentle at all times but not a door mat, receiving every false doctrine or contention that threatens the kingdom (keeping in mind our battle is not against flesh and blood).

The fruit of the Spirit is cultivated by having Christ in you; he is gentle, so be gentle and learn from him.

Faithfulness

Faithfulness is your history with God. It works both ways – his faithfulness to you and your faithfulness to Him. Without God initiating and proving his faithfulness towards us, we would have no obligation to be faithful but because he is faithful, we can be faithful.

This summer I’ve done a lot of tent ministry. I’ve interacted with many people from strong believers to nominal Christians to practicing wiccans (professing atheists tend to avoid the tent which advertises “Free Spiritual Readings”). Time and again, I’m impressed by the pursuit and faithfulness of God towards these precious people.

During one conversation last weekend, a fellow was amazed when I told him he didn’t have to prove himself to God. The onus is on God to show us his faithfulness, not the other way around. So many understand the Lord to be distant, unimpressed and hard to please; it must break his heart, because it breaks mine when I hear the stories of people carrying around burdens that are impossible to fulfill.

Remember the start of your first love relationship? How did it start? Did the other person demand your fidelity and unfailing loyalty at your first meeting? Most likely, your answer is no. It takes time to build a relationship. During the season when I had my first few dates with my Man, we weren’t exclusive and I dated one or two others around the same time. I enjoyed spending time with my Man, and he had something the other guys didn’t so I spent even more time with him, getting to know him. It wasn’t long before we started dating exclusively. I stopped dating other people but I didn’t jump into a deep relationship either. We still took time to get to know each (16 years of marriage later and I’m still getting to know him). Our history together has shown me he loves me and is faithful to me and it makes it easy to be faithful to him.  

God wants a relationship with us, and he will prove himself to show you he means it. He is faithful to his word and he is faithful to us. It’s ridiculous to think God expects us to be faithful to him at our first encounter with him. It’s a relationship, we all have free will to enter into the relationship and each step, God leads us deeper by letting us see how he loves us and how he remains faithful – even if we chase after other affections, he is still faithful.

The fruit of faithfulness flows from him, so we can have faithfulness to him. Like patience, the only way for faithfulness to grow is to wait it out. Faithfulness happens over time, over a history with God.