When David suggested we write about back to school I had no idea what to write.
So I started thinking about what school starting meant to me this year. The biggest deal for me this year is that my middle son is now a senior in high school.
This is my very large son (he's currently 6ft 3 1/2 inches & weighs 260lbs & is very muscular). My son whose life revolves around football. The one who in every area of his life besides football, examines the situation and determines what can he do to satisfy the needs/requirements while investing as little time and effort as possible. My son who can't stand to be alone for long and who's always got to be around people. The one who's always got all kinds of people coming over to our home and who hates to stay home at night. The one who freequently tells me that he loves me, and who's a total romantic when he falls for a girl (he writes them poetry & engages in all manner of creative things for them from having the announcer at half time during the football game ask the girl to homecoming for him, to making her go on a treasure hunt to locate her Birthday present). He's the one who is a Christian and very open about that and very clear about wanting to wait til marriage before he's sexual; yet he only goes to church because he knows I really want him to and doesn't read the Bible on his own on a regular basis. He's the impulsive one who I've seen make lots of poor judgment calls but has yet to realize this himself. This son is a senior. This son will most likely be off at some college on a scholarship next year; away from home, making all his own decisions. Rather a disquieting thought.
Since I know God is in charge of the universe and is totally trustworthy, I don't need to worry - right? Since I gave my son up to God from the moment of his birth; promising to look to God for grace, wisdom and ability to be his mom, I should experience peace - right? Since I've raised him in a home where he has had ever increasing amounts of freedom and have not shielded him from the natural consequences of his behavior (both good and bad), I can feel confident that he'll do fine - right? So how come the thought of this son off at college, off on his own, brings anxiety where as I never had a worry concerning his older brother?
A part of me thinks that perhaps it's because he is so social and I see him influenced by ungodly practices around him. Or because he's such a big heart and I hate to think of him being hurt. Or because he's so impulsive and I've seen him do really dumb stuff that he still thinks, even after experiencing the consequences, were so worth it. But maybe it's because I really don't trust God. Or I only trust God when things go the way I want them to. Nothing is so black and white when it comes to parenting; at least not for me.
What about you, do you ever struggle with trusting your kids' future to God? Do you experience anxiety about your children's choices, or are you at peace in the knowledge that God's in control?