A Straight Laced Lady and a Wild Character on the Same Team? by Linda Maynard

We have all been warned about hanging out with certain people and admonished, that he/she is a bad influence.

During my teen years, I did just the opposite. I was looking in all the wrong places and ended up with some destructive relationships 

It was around that time, as a freshman in High School, that I had my first drink.  It was a good feeling…it was an exhilarating feeling. I would continue to chase that original glow, in futility, as I became addicted.

In the early years of my marriage, I finally surrendered, realizing I could not stop on my own; I entered a treatment center and started to attend AA meetings. I was a young mother with two very young children. More than the physical addiction, it was the shame and guilt that consumed me. I felt like I was the worst wife and the worst mother.

The are two special people that came into my life and helped me on a road of recovery. 

One woman was Gene, the other was Louise. 
They were my AA Sponsors.

A sponsor in AA is someone who has had experience in AA, years of sobriety and would come alongside you for support.

They have passed away and yet when I look back at my life, they each played such significant roles.

However, they could not be more different from the other.

Gene could have been my mother. She was a lady in every sense of the word. She had a calmness about her that was palatable. Even though she was often serious, she also had a wry sense of humor. I'll give you an example. I called her one day, quite upset that my son was not toilet trained yet. I overreacted because it was just feeding into my guilt.She said,  “Linda, I really doubt that he is going to go on his first job interview and still not being toilet trained. ”

That put it into immediate perspective and I could even laugh at myself.

Often, when I was beating myself up emotionally, she'd say“What would you say to your best friend in this situation?” Again, she brought things into reality as I realized that I would be much kinder to a friend, than I was being to myself.

Louise, on the other hand, was around my age and a whole different character. When I say character, I mean no disrespect but she definitely was an "out of the box" person.

Let’s see… if you could imagine Janis Joplin, not on drugs…that would be Louise.

She suffered from lupus and was often quite ill and weak, yet she had such a positive attitude towards life. She was a no nonsense person about sobriety though.

She had a hard life, lost custody of her children, due to her alcoholism, but was rebuilding her relationship with them. There was a lot of healing and forgiveness that happened between her, her children, and her ex husband. She never hid the fact that she really messed up, nor did she excuse it one bit, but she was determined to do what she could to repair the breach.

One day, I was looking at the Steps of AA. This one read, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”

I had already turned away from the God of my youth. As a matter of fact, I was quite angry with Him. I never could deny there was a God; I just did not want to have anything to do with Him.

So here was a dilemma. To “work the steps” and get well, I was to get to a place that I believed there was a power greater than me. On one hand, alcoholics can mess up BIG time and yet do not want to relinquish control. It’s crazy thinking, I know.

I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone, but when I spoke to Louise about having such a difficult time with this faith thing, she said “Can you believe that I believe?” It was not a trick question, it was as if she was asking…” Can you see that I trust and I am staying sober. That can be your reality too.” 

I thought, yes I could do that. I leaned on that, until I was able to believe for myself.

I thought, as I was writing this, how these 2 unlikely women were “sent” to me. I believe it was God knowing who I needed, at that particular time.

I have regrets though, as I realize now, that if I did not know these women as I do, I may have judged them wrongly. Rejecting them on some level and calling them "nominal "Christians.

Now I think, how could I discard these people, who showed forth the Love of Christ to me without fanfare or position?

So,  I ask the Lord to keep my vision clear and my heart humble to accept everyone He sends in my life.

The Grace of God is Able to Keep You for 30 Years at Least

There in a kitchen, one decorated with copper-tone appliances - the refrigerator adorned with pictures of my nieces, an unfinished shopping list, a calender, magnets; one with the Serenity Prayer, along with mementos from meaningful events in my mother's life; all lit by a simple incandescent ceiling light, I stood.

Like the opening scene from an episode of CSI, I waited for the headlights of my friend's car to disappear from the driveway. As the high-beams cascaded across the faux maple cabinets, I was finally alone.

In an rush of emotion like a freight train - an orgasm of excitement, rationalization, denial and pain, I grabbed the hammered copper handle and opened the door to the liquor cabinet. My favorite, vodka, gone! The rum, watered down to nearly nothing from maintaining the level to the pencil mark - and there - a bottle of Cutty Sark Scotch; green glass glistening in the shapely curve just above the schooner clad yellow label.

In the midst of it all, my only thought: "Isn't this the same stuff that made me sick one New Year's eve?" Sure, a sane person would be thinking, "how much damage has demon alcohol caused you and your family already?" After all, your mother is out at an Al-Anon convention at this very moment. Wasn't it on this very spot, right here on the kitchen floor, that your dad passed out and you thought he was dead?

No, the insanity of it all, was myopic focus on the much awaited, yet unpredictable and magical effects of John Barleycorn - regardless of the consequences. Won't it be great to fall off to sleep and forget that you're alone, the bills aren't paid, and your "friends" are off somewhere else because you are out of drugs?

The trusted warmth, soon to blot out the clamor of anxiety, was calling my name.

I unscrewed the metal cap and filled a drinking glass as the ice cubes crackled; rising just above the rim. The amber liquid so romantic, so cunning, so baffling... I didn't know what day it was then, but I do now: October 25th, 1980.

I took a gulp as the ice cubes crashed into my upper lip -- and then another and another. In between cigarettes I continued to refilled the cheap green glass, one with wrinkles on it like a Charpee puppy. As I stood at the counter I remembered that my father used to drink his Hull's Export beer from 16 ounce bar bottles here too.

It could have been like any other day in the life of an alcoholic, but because of grace, it was the last. The intended effect never took hold, and I lay awake all night consumed with what a mess I was making of my life. Some time the next morning I had a thought in between cravings for a refill: I had turned out just like my father.

Some years earlier I found God, but it was going to take some real grace to get me off alcohol. Even in the midst of the fog, the Holy Spirit was at work. You can read about that HERE.

I was 22, angry, depressed, and finally determined to break the habit. Some of my closest friends didn't know what I was going through, and I was far too ashamed to tell them. It took me a few weeks to clear up enough to pray, "God, I don't want to be like my father. Please help me to stay clean and sober." Certainly I have said that prayer and many like it since then, but this was the first real prayer that God answered for me.

I had a lot of hope and help from others - and AA made a huge difference. Thanks, Dennis, Kent, Eddie, and others like you who reached out to me in those early days. I am grateful for others who walked the road before me, and for those that have invested in my life since.

I received a gift that opened the doors to breaking a family curse, to salvation and many other amazing things. In meetings I was told to do it "One Day at a Time" - you know, as Jesus said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." We said the Lord's prayer, also a quote of Jesus. Those things are still comforting me today in many different circumstances.

Without alcohol or drugs -- simply by the grace of God, I have endured many things that this life has thrown at me- and some from the devil too. Yet, God has worked all things for the good (Romans 8:28) - even my mistakes.

I have carried my "24 hour" chip which is posted at the top of this blog. On it is a condensed version of the following prayer. Interestingly - it was one of the messages on the door of the refrigerator that miraculous day in 1980 - 30 years ago - this very same evening.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

-Reinhold Niebuhr