A Straight Laced Lady and a Wild Character on the Same Team? by Linda Maynard

We have all been warned about hanging out with certain people and admonished, that he/she is a bad influence.

During my teen years, I did just the opposite. I was looking in all the wrong places and ended up with some destructive relationships 

It was around that time, as a freshman in High School, that I had my first drink.  It was a good feeling…it was an exhilarating feeling. I would continue to chase that original glow, in futility, as I became addicted.

In the early years of my marriage, I finally surrendered, realizing I could not stop on my own; I entered a treatment center and started to attend AA meetings. I was a young mother with two very young children. More than the physical addiction, it was the shame and guilt that consumed me. I felt like I was the worst wife and the worst mother.

The are two special people that came into my life and helped me on a road of recovery. 

One woman was Gene, the other was Louise. 
They were my AA Sponsors.

A sponsor in AA is someone who has had experience in AA, years of sobriety and would come alongside you for support.

They have passed away and yet when I look back at my life, they each played such significant roles.

However, they could not be more different from the other.

Gene could have been my mother. She was a lady in every sense of the word. She had a calmness about her that was palatable. Even though she was often serious, she also had a wry sense of humor. I'll give you an example. I called her one day, quite upset that my son was not toilet trained yet. I overreacted because it was just feeding into my guilt.She said,  “Linda, I really doubt that he is going to go on his first job interview and still not being toilet trained. ”

That put it into immediate perspective and I could even laugh at myself.

Often, when I was beating myself up emotionally, she'd say“What would you say to your best friend in this situation?” Again, she brought things into reality as I realized that I would be much kinder to a friend, than I was being to myself.

Louise, on the other hand, was around my age and a whole different character. When I say character, I mean no disrespect but she definitely was an "out of the box" person.

Let’s see… if you could imagine Janis Joplin, not on drugs…that would be Louise.

She suffered from lupus and was often quite ill and weak, yet she had such a positive attitude towards life. She was a no nonsense person about sobriety though.

She had a hard life, lost custody of her children, due to her alcoholism, but was rebuilding her relationship with them. There was a lot of healing and forgiveness that happened between her, her children, and her ex husband. She never hid the fact that she really messed up, nor did she excuse it one bit, but she was determined to do what she could to repair the breach.

One day, I was looking at the Steps of AA. This one read, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”

I had already turned away from the God of my youth. As a matter of fact, I was quite angry with Him. I never could deny there was a God; I just did not want to have anything to do with Him.

So here was a dilemma. To “work the steps” and get well, I was to get to a place that I believed there was a power greater than me. On one hand, alcoholics can mess up BIG time and yet do not want to relinquish control. It’s crazy thinking, I know.

I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone, but when I spoke to Louise about having such a difficult time with this faith thing, she said “Can you believe that I believe?” It was not a trick question, it was as if she was asking…” Can you see that I trust and I am staying sober. That can be your reality too.” 

I thought, yes I could do that. I leaned on that, until I was able to believe for myself.

I thought, as I was writing this, how these 2 unlikely women were “sent” to me. I believe it was God knowing who I needed, at that particular time.

I have regrets though, as I realize now, that if I did not know these women as I do, I may have judged them wrongly. Rejecting them on some level and calling them "nominal "Christians.

Now I think, how could I discard these people, who showed forth the Love of Christ to me without fanfare or position?

So,  I ask the Lord to keep my vision clear and my heart humble to accept everyone He sends in my life.

The Devil Made me Do It!!!

One of the things that I learned in A. A. years ago is that as alcoholics, we tend to blame people, places and things for our drinking.


“Well if he didn’t act so angry, I wouldn’t drink.” Or, “If we still lived in New York rather than in this crummy state of New Jersey, then I’d be happy”. (Sorry New Jersey inhabitants). Then there are those legos. “I keep stepping on them.”."If it happens one more time, they all go into the garbage!” (Hopefully, it’s only the legos who would end up in the garbage) 

“This type of discourse goes on and on. “I am sick of people acting that way.” “I deserve a better house.” “Doesn’t anyone, besides me, try to keep order?”

Truthfully, none of these pass the muster of losing self control.
“Sorry, your days of finding excuses and blaming are over” I was told in A A.

 I learned so much in A.A. I know Christians sometimes put down A.A. I actually think if more Christians lived out the program’s principles, life would be lived more honorably. A huge factor in A.A., is that you are not allowed to wear masks. It is a program of honesty. You don’t get away with playing charades. (You know like “playing church”)

The Lord was after something in me, having to do with self control.

The other day, multiple buttons of mine were pushed. It was like BAM BAM BAM. I thought of those big red buttons from Staples Stores. I wish I could say I exhibited self control…NOT!!! I was too busy pointing my finger.

I was blaming people= my husband and a friend who let me down. Places= my cluttered and small apartment. Things= unhealthy food that just happens to be in our home. It causes me to overeat. 

See what I did? I dug my own grave. 

God wants me to admit that blaming people, places and things is not something I only did in the past. Rather it is something that I sometimes, still do.

I didn’t resort to drinking… thank God. And I do mean THANK GOD! I was convicted though.

I apologized to my husband. I need to forgive my friend. I can gratefully accept where we live. I can start organizing things, rather than talking about it. I can determine to eat better and stop buying tempting snacks.

Self control is so similar to discipline. I sometimes feel when the discipline gene was handed out; I must have been in the ladies room and missed getting it.

I am one of those creative types who are in dream land at times.  I can go from doing a project, to going to check mail, to texting a friend, playing with crafts and then realize that 3 hours have passed and I missed a dentist appointment. It’s not always that bad, but I have my days!

Without looking this up in the Dictionary, discipline and disciple have to have a connection. With that being so, to be a true disciple of Christ, discipline/self control is something to be achieved. 

However, God does not just zap me with a stun gun of condemnation, when I fall short. No, He is there to correct me and encourage me. I am always learning how to yield to His love.  This self control is what He is teaching me.

I have always been bothered by something I have heard on numerous occasions.  In essence, it is said, when there is a list in the Bible i.e. “Love is patient, love is kind etc. or the fruits of the Holy Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace etc” the first one on the list, must be most important ( and that they descend the list according to their importance. I ask, when the situation calls for self control, how can we say it is the least important? 

When my buttons were being pushed and I was reacting in kind, I had to rein myself in and show some self control. I could just say, the whole day was really a case of the “Devil made me do it!” 

Then Linda’s New and Revised version of the Bible would have self control totally obliterated. Or we can imagine that self control is for the other person.  

Of course, that is absurd, but we sure can think that way sometimes, can’t we?

Linda Maynard