Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Day of Freedom and Unhampered Joy for Me

When I first read the topic for this week, my mind immediately thought of what I saw as obvious….freedom in a day with no work or obligations. However when I thought about it further, my mind went into another direction.

I thought of freedom as a state of no restrictions’. It would be a day that I would not be hampered at all from expectations of others. Also, people who I would encounter on that day would not be impeded either.

I knew I would want to spend the day with one person.  Her name is Frances.

I have never met her but I would love to. You see, she is the woman who became the mother of my son Richard, whom I relinquished for adoption, in 1966. I have long sensed, by the Spirit of God, that she is a good woman and has been a wonderful mother to my son.

We have shared something, his whole life. That has been an unfailing love for him. We sadly, share another thing, which has ripped out our very souls that is his tragic and untimely death, a few years ago.

I never met Richard in person, but I was able to talk to him on the phone several times. We exchanged pictures and letters. He never closed the door on meeting me, but he was just not ready yet.

Richard was astute when it came to people’s feelings. He once said that he felt the “key players” in his adoption saga were the three of us…him, his mom and me. I think he was right.  When I was able to tell him about the circumstances of his birth and why I gave him up, a measure of healing came to him. He was honest with her, telling her that I had contacted him. I could tell he was very protective of her. Also with me reading between the lines, I saw that she felt vulnerable about me. Even though I was not the adoptive mother, I had heard that it happens very often. Would he change his loyalties from her to me? I tried putting myself in her shoes. I understood.

So, what would happen on the unhampered day with her and me? I had thought of this for a very long time. I would deliver as many roses that equaled the time she was his mother, up until that point.  I would hug her and thank her from the bottom of my heart for raising and loving him. I would try to show her my appreciation for all the joys she had given to him. I would cry with her for any sorrow she bore because of him. What I would want to be conveyed to her is that I don’t come to her a someone to usurp her but that I come in peace. I would never…could never …take her place. I would try to convince her of that...

I would love to hear her story, from the day she picked him up until the day of his death. I would love to see pictures of him as a baby…all the way through adulthood. I would be eager to hear what kind of person he was. I would laugh at the funny stories that she would tell about him. I would be so happy, if we could, in each other’s presence, be free. Just two women who Love Richard very much.  No competition…no suspicion…no anger…no jealousy…no control. Just woman to woman…mothers to our son.

It would be a bonus if she could consider my feelings and what a sacrifice it was to give Richard up. However, that would not make the day any less valuable, if she couldn’t.

I realize a relationship with these 2 women could be very strained but I would pray for a breakthrough and healing for each of us.

I would hope that when I left her that she would’ve experienced the love and acceptance that I feel towards her. I would pray that she would know that there is another woman who grieves the loss of a son, who died too soon. I believe, if she didn’t know yet, that I could share with her the hope and reassurance that I have, that I will be reunited with him again. I could pray for her that she could join us.  And in that place, we would not vie for his love or attention because being with the Lord, the Lover of our souls would satisfy both of us completely.  
Linda Maynard


Joyce Lighari said...

Wow - how powerful, I have tears in my eyes... Your willingness to be vulnerable is amazing. I know your story in more depth than some, and I am sure this wasn't easy to write. I love you my dear friend...
I was thinking of the old song - til we meet, til we meet, til we meet at Jesus feet, God be with you til we meet again. and then a tag line from another song - WHAT A DAY THAT WILL BE...

Andrea York said...

Like Joyce, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing and for your vulnerability.

I have one friend who is a birth mother and I've watched the dual emotions of joy & sorrow. The right thing to do is often not the easy thing to do and many times the decision isn't "rewarded" in full until we will see Jesus in the flesh.

Bless you to the fullest portion from the Father for your sacrifice.

Doug Spurling said...

Well done. Thank you