Sunday, January 22, 2012


I pierce the vein that carries the memory.
Although years old, it still flows fresh, and I feel exposed.
Yet, I watch the ink bleed onto this page. I feel the dark. I see the cold.
I pray the memory doesn’t haunt her. It doesn’t haunt me. I smile at the thought of her – now.
She sleeps over a thousand miles away, in peace. She is the subject of this letter to you. I call her Bug.
If I give you her number and you give her a call, she’ll talk until her phone goes dead. I know she will – because I do – and she does. She’ll fill you in with all that’s happening, between her and her best Friend. Like a school girl and her first love she’ll go on. She’ll tell you how He’s changed her life, and how she can’t imagine anyone living without Him. She’ll shine – like a lightning bug in the night.  She’s my daughter.
Have you ever felt stuck? Have you found yourself in life’s dark alley – surrounded by demons with no way out? She has. And she found a way out.
If ever I think things can’t change – I think of her. If ever I’m tempted that God can’t – I think of her. And know He can.
You see; it wasn’t always sugar and spice and everything nice. The memory that bled – and then led – to this letter is this:
“I hate you! Stay the h*!% out of my f@*#$% life.”
“I’m sorry to hear you say that, but I love you too much to do that. And you’re not leaving.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“I will.”
Before the sun set on the situation, she was in lock-up. My back, left elbow and head, ached, but mostly my heart.
Drugs and booze and sex and parties – the place where demons please the senses dull. The place you hate to be, but can’t seem to leave. She was stuck. She was delivered. She was set free. My daughter was set free by the Son. And who the Son sets free is free indeed. And she, who is forgiven much, loves much.
Aglow with His glory – like a lightning bug in the night – she shines. And her life has influenced mine.
God bless you Bug – keep shining. Love you, dad.


Linda Maynard said...

Your blog has left me shaken but not in a negative in a very different way. It left me with a deep acknowledgement of the Power and the Holiness of God.
The Power to free your daughter of the hell she was in...the Power of Love that infused you to love her to Life, along with the Holiness and the Majesty of the Lord.

Doug Spurling said...

Thanks Linda, I understand your feeling. Don't you love how His Holiness shines through our darkest hour and shakes the gates of hell? Blessed be His Holy Name.

Kerry Luddy said...

Wow. Beautifully done. We have a God who saves AND transforms...

Doug Spurling said...

Thanks Kerry, Thank God and Amen.

Joyce Lighari said...

As someone who has walked that same road with not one but three children, I feel your words in a way that only those of us who've traveled this path can know.
So powerful!

Doug Spurling said...

Joyce, thanks for traveling - the journey is the destiny. The Cross the bridge.