Let's Offer a Toast

David got really creative yesterday, didn’t he?  I had to chuckle as I read that my alias was Sunbeam J.  I could use some sunshine today – it’s grey here in South Dakota and getting ready for some snow.

I thought we were supposed to be writing about what God taught us or what God did over the last year – something like that.  Well one thing I learned is that David is a darn good writer and an even better friend.  I wish I didn’t follow David – he’s always so good with his blogs.  But the idea of Kingdom Bloggers is to hear different voices.  My voices, my life, my experience is so different from his and that’s okay.

I also learned that while I’ve never met Tony, Dave T, Michelle, or Tracy, they are family – not just my brother’s and sister’s in the Lord but blogging family.  I’ve learned to depend on their prayers and support.  I hope they feel they can depend on my prayer and support as well. 

God taught me or maybe I should say showed me that I can write.  I suppose some of you may disagree and that’s okay… I’ve learned that I can write some interesting things.  I have learned that ministry comes in all forms including blogging.  It’s been a great experience.  It’s been good for my soul as well.

Kingdom Bloggers – we are family.  We share our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our joys and sorrows, our expectations and disappointments with you.  You, our readers, are part of our family.  We hope we’ve touched your lives in some way.  We are blessed in this experience, we pray we have blessed you… if we have, we’d love to hear from you? 

Happy Anniversary Kingdom Bloggers – here’s a toast to many more years of working together for the Kingdom!

Shanghai Agent - Happy Blog-i-versary to Us!

It was a smoke filled bar in Shanghai named the Dixie. At a wicker table on the patio, there he sat, the operative I traveled half way around the world to engage. I leaned against the Juke Box, and it began to play Tiny Bubbles. Like a chess game, cautiously, we both made our moves; scanning the room for bugs, hidden mics and other signs of danger. Finally, sitting back-to-back at adjacent tables; him with and Elvis wig and shades, and me in my Hawaiian shirt - half talking over my shoulder in loud whisper I said: "Elvis is that you?"

He replied. "It's Hound Dog, Rick."

I inconspicuousy pulled off my shoe, and held a toe in my left hand, and grabbed my knee with my right.

Hound Dog, gave me the high sign by adjusting his sunglasses. He lit a cigarette pretending to smoke. He let out a loud cough, almost blowing our cover.

He slipped me a printed copy of the latest Tony C Today blog, and there is there it was scribbled on the back of a Hooters receipt between the pages, the email for Joyce, AKA Sunbeam. I went to the pay phone near the bar as I wondered how she fit into the plan. I called my office in California to run a background check. Norway, South Dakota, Connecticut, Tennessee - she had a long rap sheet. Pastor (not his real name) confirmed a meeting Jessheim, Noway.

I smiled at Hound Dog, tipping my head towards the door.

"Thank you very much." he said. Just as the shouting fans, aliens and scandal-sheet reporters began to fill the Dixie, I slipped out through the kitchen to alley.

I took a taxi to the airport and boarded my plane for Oslo to meet Sunbeam. We met in the oldest church in the country, and pretending to be tourists, we exchanged prayers. Who knew she'd appear again a few years later? That's that way it is in this business, agents come and go - a few finish the race.  We traveled with an unsuspecting group, speaking in unknown languages, and split up at various times so that we would not be found out.

I snapped a photo of her as proof that I delivered the message.

One day while I was on a secure connection t headquarters, Hound Dog sent me an encoded message. ycarT teeM - he knows I am dyslexic. I sent her a Facebook message through one of my many Farm Town aliases. I always wondered why she didn't use an alias - she's very bold. For the longest time I thought it was a pen name for Max Lucado. It was interesting she had hidden message in her blogs from G OD . Wow, she is connected.

Honestly, I am not so sure Tracy actually exists - hmmm...

For the past year we've been working for KB secretly sending messages of hope and love to our comrades that will one day be gathered by the 4 winds. It's too bad that a couple of our most beloved agents have fallen, but we salute them for their effort to win that war against S A T A N.

Disclaimer: most of this is not true. Well except for the snapshot of Joyce in Norway.


Romans 12:4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

We made it! You can take the covers off the electrical outlets, and the safety-catches off the kitchen cabinets, Kingdom Bloggers is a year old. Many thanks to Tony, Dave, Michelle, Joyce and Tracy for all that you have offered us this past year.

Above everything else, I am most thankful for...

On this weekend end of Thanksgiving, there is so much to recognize and appreciate, and my fellow Kingdom Bloggers have done a typically wonderful job...but I can safely say our focus always returns to the most spectacular.

The United States is the first country in the world to officially set aside a national holiday to give thanks. The First National Proclamation of Thanksgiving was given by the Continental Congress in 1777:

FOR AS MUCH as it is the indispensable Duty of all Men to adore the superintending Providence of Almighty God; to acknowledge with Gratitude their Obligation to him for Benefits received, and to implore such farther Blessings as they stand in Need of: And it having pleased him in his abundant Mercy, not only to continue to us the innumerable Bounties of his common Providence; but also to smile upon us in the Prosecution of a just and necessary War, for the Defense and Establishment of our unalienable Rights and Liberties; particularly in that he hath been pleased, in so great a Measure, to prosper the Means used for the Support of our Troops, and to crown our Arms with most signal success:

It is therefore recommended to the legislative or executive Powers of these UNITED STATES to set apart THURSDAY, the eighteenth Day of December next, for SOLEMN THANKSGIVING and PRAISE: That at one Time and with one Voice, the good People may express the grateful Feelings of their Hearts, and consecrate themselves to the Service of their Divine Benefactor; and that, together with their sincere Acknowledgments and Offerings, they may join the penitent Confession of their manifold Sins, whereby they had forfeited every Favor; and their humble and earnest Supplication that it may please GOD through the Merits of JESUS CHRIST, mercifully to forgive and blot them out of Remembrance; That it may please him graciously to afford his Blessing on the Governments of these States respectively, and prosper the public Council of the whole: To inspire our Commanders, both by Land and Sea, and all under them, with that Wisdom and Fortitude which may render them fit Instruments, under the Providence of Almighty GOD, to secure for these United States, the greatest of all human Blessings, INDEPENDENCE and PEACE: That it may please him, to prosper the Trade and Manufactures of the People, and the Labor of the Husbandman, that our Land may yield its Increase: To take Schools and Seminaries of Education, so necessary for cultivating the Principles of true Liberty, Virtue and Piety, under his nurturing Hand; and to prosper the Means of Religion, for the promotion and enlargement of that Kingdom, which consisteth "in Righteousness, Peace and Joy in the Holy Ghost.

And it is further recommended, That servile Labor, and such Recreation, as, though at other Times innocent, may be unbecoming the Purpose of this Appointment, be omitted on so solemn an Occasion.

The Thanksgiving we celebrate today started during the Civil War by declaration of President Lincoln, and again the purpose was for a nation to join together and thank God Almighty for His many blessings. I encourage you to read the eloquent language of said proclamation here.

One Nation, under God...

We all know God is so much bigger than a single nation, although I am most thankful for my country and its once committed acknowledgement of the Almighty . But what my thoughts constantly revert to when I think of giving thanks goes far beyond a nation, a race or any other physical property we know or have known. My thanks are ultimately for a gift...the gift.

God put into motion a plan of salvation long before men understood the concept of banding together to form nations and governments. A gift of mercy for His creation gone rogue all because He loved us enough to give us choice. A Holy pardon for all we could ever do or would ever do against His will. I don't understand that gift, and I surely don't deserve it.

Yet...there salvation is for the taking. Eternity with our Creator, in His presence, in His glory.

No, I don't begin to comprehend it...but I sure am most thankful...above all else.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, and this is one of my favorite holidays.

Partly because I enjoy cooking, sitting down with people and sharing a meal and hanging out. Also because I have so much for which to be thankful.

I know me; I know how selfish I can be - yet God still loves me anyway. He came and took on human form and dealt with all that meant, then was betrayed, mocked, tortured, and died on my behalf. That alone is more than I can ever express my intense gratitude regarding.

Then there's the fact that I was born in America and all the freedoms I've experienced my entire life. Add to this the fact that I've always had food, shelter and clothing. I'm healthy in mind and body and have a husband who loves me. I have three healthy sons. I belong to a local church where there are people who sincerely care about me. I get to work at a job where we make a difference and where most of the people are good and kind.

I am blessed way beyond what I deserve and today I'm thinking on how thankful I am.

Giving Thanks Isn't Always Easy

Why is giving thanks so hard?  I know it is a nice and wonderful thing to do.  I used to be an optimist. I used to believe ultimately everything would be wonderful.  The truth is, I'm no longer an optimist.  When I think about gratitude and thanksgiving, unfortunately all the things that have hurt me, trouble me, pain me, disappointment me etc come to mind.  I can very easily wallow in a sea of self-doubt and depression.

But that's the problem.  It isn't about me... Thanksgiving isn't about ME.  When I make it about me, I lose sight of what's really important.  The comparisons I make are always those with people who have done better or the things I don't have.

I have some friends who I've known a very, very long time.  Some are merely acquaintances, a few others are good friends.  I guess I've been pretty hard on myself all my life.  Always wanting to please and always some how falling short.  I remember that I always thought these people were better than I was... they just were.  I got that from my mother who would fall all over herself for anyone she perceived as better than her.  I think she got that as a child being poor, living on the wrong side of the tracks, being Pentecostal when it wasn't cool to be so, and then going to NYC as a child to work as a domestic.  I didn't grow up in luxury by any means.  The daughter of a janitor isn't born to wealth.  But I never went without something I really needed.

Those Norman Rockwell pictures of Thanksgiving are really not the reality for many people. For many people the holiday is empty.  Oh they may not be alone, they maybe in the midst of celebration, but they are empty.  Psychologists will tell you that depression and suicide both rise when we are supposed to be giving thanks and being with family.

Okay, I'm not trying to depress you nor am I trying to slap you with reality.  I am just thinking out loud about how complicated life is, especially at the holidays.

These are my kids and grandkids and one in-law.
I'm thankful for each one of them.

We have a tradition in my family.  I started it with my family when my kids were very young.  We go around the table and say what we are thankful for before we pray and eat.  Everyone is always awkward. I don't know why.  I am too.  My mother would always cry when she would say her thanks for health, and family.  That's the pretty standard answer in our house.  Health and family....

But you know, this thanksgiving I'm thinking how huge that really is... we lost my mother this year.  She's not crying any more about anything - she's with Jesus.  Health - I have friends in chronic pain and some with cancer.  I am healthy, thank God... Really, that's doesn't just sound nice as you go around the table.  It's really something to be thankful for...

Then there is family.  My family is big and just as complex as it is big.  It's a typical family because it is blended.  We have mine and ours... I wish we were closer in proximity as well as emotionally.  I wish those who didn't care for each other would learn to love and forgive.  Yet, this amazing tribe of people are wonderful.  Some are professionals, some work with their hands.  Some are young, some not so young any more.  Some are just finding themselves, some seem to have arrived.  But they are great - and I'm very thankful for each of them.  And I'm thankful for that complex woman who made me call her Mother rather than Mommy - the one who always tried to live up to someone else's expectation but who made the best turkey at Thanksgiving and even borrowed tips from Better Homes & Garden's to make our simple table look grand.

But most of all I'm thankful for the godly heritage she and my dad gave me.  They taught me about Jesus.  I used to sing a song in church as a kid - I have decided to follow Jesus -- there's one verse that says, Though none go with me, still I will follow.  Seems hardly anyone is following Jesus in my family.  But I am.  And I will continue to follow the One who is my source of strength and life.  And today, I am most thankful for Him.

Happy Thanksgiving - and as you sit to consume massive amounts of food, if it isn't your tradition to share what your thankful for with your family - tell Jesus what your thankful for before that first bite goes in your mouth.  Your food will taste even better... GUARANTEED.

La Cabeza de Calabaza

It's Thanksgiving week, and that's what we'll be writing about this week on Kingdom Bloggers. BTW - Happy First Anniversary fellow bloggers!

I am thankful for lots to things: I have a good job, a nearly new car, a house or two, a great church, a growing guitar collection, food, money in the bank and my health seems OK - I guess for my age it is actually good.  I really am grateful. And when I think about it, I am almost happy with my spiritual life.

If you follow me here or on Fire and Grace, you know that I have a 7-year-old named Charlotte. I enjoy all my kids, but Charlotte and I spend the most time together.

And of course my wife Mary Anne, is my favorite person in the entire world.

I was thinking about all of this, but Charlotte is such a big part of my life, I'd like talk about her. She has a lot of qualities, but an old friend said it best, "Charlotte is like Mary Anne on the outside, and David on the inside." To know her is to know me, to see her is to see Mary Anne.

The family dynamics go something like this:

I was sitting with my them at a local Mexican restaurant for my wife's birthday. Here is the conversation that took place between me and two of my daughters.

22-Year-Old: I am joining the gym.

David: Why?

22-Year-Old: Well, when I go out running in the neighborhood, I get home and hear gunshots around the corner (a few months ago, they were in front of the house, that last time there were in the neighborhood).

David: Get a gun.

22-Year-Old: Yeah, right. I'll just shove one in my running shorts.

6-Year-Old: Don't do that, you'll shoot your privates off.

So much for advancing the dialog for safe and legal gun ownership.

Today "Missy" and I had a date day. She ran out to greet me after church in her bare-feet (was 39 degrees). I took her to the playground, out for fries at "King Burger." Then we came home to do a Playdough project and play with her new Zuzu Pets; which she received for her birthday. It was a fun time. Contrast that to yesterday where I was working, had a recording studio session, and dropped in on her party at a local gym.

She's an animal lover, enjoys Tom & Jerry, tells it like it is, creative and artistic, and well like I said, her attitude is little strong.

We have enrolled her in a bilingual school, and she is pretty much fluent in Spanish. My new nickname for her is La Cabeza de Calabaza (Pumpkin Head). It makes her smile, and it certainly describes the red hair!

That's right...He said the more the merrier!

I'm pretty sure I could do a series on this week's topic a la Johndrow...

God has opened my eyes to so many things and changed my stance on a wide range of topics, so just picking one is a very difficult task. I think that's more a testimony to His love than how screwed up I really was in my thinking at one time, but I accept the latter as a hard fact also.

During my dark period of aimless spiritual wondering, I would often look back at the sanitized life I had tried to live as a young Christian and sneered at the ridiculousness and absurdity. Why would anyone deny themselves fun and pleasure based on an otherworldly promise/commitment that has no concrete merit?

My image of the Christian lifestyle more resembled that of monks than anything containing mirth. I was convinced that serving God required a life completely void of good times...at least the way I defined good times.

Maybe I was using that view as a defense mechanism to justify my own deviant behaviors. Could be. One thing is absolutely clear to me today though, what I considered fun and entertaining was nothing more than a destructive mirage destined to fast track me to the life hereafter. Thank God my eyes were opened!

Happiness is a state of mind that many believe has a positive residual effect on the body. Now I don't know about all that New Age mumbo-jumbo and exactly how literal said symbiotic relationship may or may not be, but I do believe the peace and joy that I discovered in my life at my revival ultimately helped me beat and survive cancer. That credit goes to God though. The lack of fear and anxiety that comes from knowing that God is in control and that living/dying is a win/win scenario because of His grace and love...well...that beats the absolute best drunken party I've ever attended. At least what I can remember...

I usually don't have a problem saying I'm wrong because I've had so much practice doing it. Wow was I wrong in my attitude on being a lover of God and having a good time! Fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ almost always results in a laugh or two...just ask my fellow Kingdom Blogger David Johndrow. We're constantly exchanging text messages and Facebook comments in good fun. I look forward to any chance of being in the company of my church family for the same reason.

Having a good time in Christ here in this world, however, doesn't come close to the eternal celebration that's coming. While some may enjoy laughing all the way to the bank...I'll stick to laughing all the way to Glory. You're more than welcome to come along! I promise we'll have a great time.

He loves me, He loves me not

If you would have asked me in the past if I could earn God's love and approval, I would have told you no. I would have quoted you Romans 5:8 and Titus 3:5 and declared that God's love is a free gift. But it wasn't until a few years ago that I really began to believe that on an emotional level.

I think the way I grew up affected my ability to understand the things of God. In a lot of ways I was blessed growing up because my family believed in God and I went to church. I was also blessed because my father did love me and try to be a good father. He was just limited by his own life experiences and did not know how to express that love. I can not remember a time that he ever told me that he loved me, or a time when he ever complimented me about anything. So I always felt lacking growing up. I always wanted to somehow earn my father's love and approval; I was always striving to obtain something that I never perceived myself receiving.

On some level, all of these things transferred onto God. I spent years and years when, although I was not conscious of it, I was trying to earn God's love and approval. But over time the Holy Spirit used the Bible, people He brought into my life, and books by godly men and women to make the truth of God's unconditional love and approval real for me.

Today I can rest in the fact that of course I do not deserve God's love one bit, yet He gives it to me any way. I can extend grace to other people when they mess up, because I'm ever conscious of the grace that's been extended to me.

Sometimes I think people worry that if they stress God's love too much, that Christians will just engage in lazy, sloppy, living. A friend of mine, after I'd loaned her the book The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennen Manning (one of those books that God totally used to help me see His love for me in a new way), asked me - but what about obedience? I tried to explain to her that as we grow in our grasp of His immense love for us, obedience comes. We won't have to force ourselves to "do" the "right things", because we grow in our desire to want to do whatever this wonderful, loving, God asks.

What about you, do you find it easy to accept God's love? Have you ever struggled with feeling like you had to earn God's love?

Confessions of a Former Pharisee

The longer the live, the more I realize that the adage about the only thing constant is change.  If we don’t change, we also don’t grow.  It’s interesting that our blog this week is about changing our mind, not our heart.  That’s good because only God can change the heart but we can change our minds.  And let me tell you from personal experience, that distance from my head to my heart is usually the hardest and longest trip of all.

I had a professor at Trevecca who never gave me a grade.  That was because I bailed out of his classes twice.  He had this reputation.  The guy was brilliant.  I would start a class and then say NOPE, this is going to kill my GPA and I don’t need this and out the door I’d go.  Nonetheless, he actually influenced me a lot.  Several things he said to me during my interactions with him are things that will never leave me.  One of those things was 

education will change you whether you want it to or not

I realize that the term “social justice” is not the most well liked phrases in certain circles of Christianity.  In others, it is their favorite phrase.  I grew up in the camp where saying social justice was akin to saying you were backslidden.  We firmly rejected eternal security, so being backslidden could be an everyday, even hourly event.  Christians were classified as truly saved or not.  Those who spoke of social justice were in the not category.

Before I go further, let me make sure everyone understands me.  I do believe in salvation through the free gift of God through faith in His son Jesus Christ.  I do not believe that there is anything I can do to earn my salvation nor can I work off my sins.  But I have discovered much to my shock that social justice is not a dirty word.

As I plunged into Old Testament classes and as I plunged into the learning of Hebrew, I discovered a recurrent theme.  God cares about justice.  God cares about how we treat each other.  God wants us to take care of widows, orphans, the outcast, etc.  Then as I took the course in the gospels of Matthew and Mark, from an equally hard professor as the one I would bail out on, I saw that Jesus miracles were not for show – they were to meet the needs of real people.  There were people hungry and Jesus fed them.  There were people marginalized, troubled and in pain, and Jesus healed, delivered and fellowshipped with them.  It was about real people, with real needs.  It wasn’t some super spiritualized event.  It was about people… did you get that?  It was about people.  And it was about justice.  I was shocked!

When I was a girl I would go to the Salvation Army for Sunbeams, Girl Guards and Vacation Bible School.   I’ve written about this before, you can read it here.  I preached my first sermon during Girl Guards one Saturday morning.  I preached on John 3:16 and told my peers “you must be born again.”  I had this self-righteous notion in my head that the Salvation Army had become too liberal and was too concerned about social issues rather than preaching the gospel.  How foolish and arrogant I was for such a youngster.  I think I was about 13.  I remember the leader thanking God for reminding us of His salvation.  I felt so justified in my self-righteousness.  

But isn’t that what the Pharisees did as well?  I was a little Pharisee.

Now I know better.  Now I know that the gospel is also about feeding people, making sure kids don’t go hungry nor do adults, giving a coat that you don’t use anymore so a child or an adult can stay warm, it’s about loving people.  If we could just get that love part right, the preaching of the gospel would be heard.  Social justice is part of the gospel.  I never knew.  I’m no longer a Pharisee now that I know better.

What about you?  Are you a Pharisee? 

Changing Your Mind About God? It Might be Time!

There I sat in the Priest's office at the church. On the desk between us was a book; 9 0'Clock in the Morning. This is the church where I finally decided to settle in after years of searching. I had been saved for about 5 years and most churches that I visited, or knew about, were BORING. I knew God, prayed, and wanted to know everything about him. I had read the entire New Testament and most of the old - highlighting, underlining, studying, thinking and coming to some of my own conclusions.

The Bible is filled with transformations - places where folks like you and me were utterly and completely changed by God. From Gideon to Moses, Paul to Peter, the work of Christ changes us. Some times it radical, and other times it is private and subtle. That's what we'll be writing about this week here on Kingdom Bloggers - something that God changed our mind about

I had read enough of the Bible and it didn't seem to jive with what I was hearing in church. I wondered about all that miracles and healing, what happened to them? I read about Jesus forgiving the woman taken in adultery. I wondered how Paul and Elijah raised people from the dead?!? Then there was all the amazing things in Acts, angels, prophecies, martyrdom, miracles, demons and trances and ... Whew! A lot of supernatural stuff!

I remember reading this. Acts 19:1 While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples 2 and asked them, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?"


They answered, "No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit."


3 So Paul asked, "Then what baptism did you receive?"


"John’s baptism," they replied.


4 Paul said, "John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus." 5 On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6 When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied.


What could all this be about? Did I miss something? I had been taught this stuff was gone and that because we have the Bible, we don't need it anymore. Then I read that book 9 0'Clock in the Morning, and I had a lot of question and very few answers.

There I sat talking to the priest of my Anglican church, Hank. We talked about the book which he had read, and the Bible passages. The whole thing began to make sense, and it also sounded exciting. My spirit was shouting at me, it is time to ask God for this "baptism."

Hank and I went to the alter that day at Grace Chapel in Old Saybrook. The presence of God was magnificent. I had never felt it quite that way. There we said a simple prayer - I don't even remember what it was (1983 was a long time ago). I just remember the experience - one mixed with faith, wonder and excitement as I knelt before the altar.

That night I went home, and the Lord gently came to me as I lay in bed. I started to softly thank Him and actually I couldn't seem to stop - or I should say, I didn't want to stop - it was amazingly beautiful.

Some years later I was talking with a guy at a Christian book store. He seemed so certain that I was in error. His store had banned the book. I invited him to my home. At my kitchen table, Steve laid out an elaborate theology for me; it took nearly an hour.

I was not offended, but it sure did conflict with my understanding and experience. But I finally asked him if he would read that book so that we could discuss it in the first person. He refused. I was little sad because that night so long ago opened my eyes to a deeper and more wonderful faith that turned my ship, my life and my mind around.

How about you, has God changed your mind about things you previously believed?