Trusting God Outside the Zone

When I say that there are many times when I have stepped out in faith into an uncomfortable area of inexperience and the unknown, I am not bragging. I recently celebrated 30 years in the faith, and how flat that faith would be if my Lord did not continually challenge me to grow over three decades. He knows I would rather be curled up on a couch, reading a book, than facing the giants.

The giants we face may be different. What is a leap of faith for me may just be a walk in the park for you. God has created us each uniquely, in unique family systems and cultures. As a teen in the late seventies and early eighties, marriage and family were not on my list of goals. My friends in high school were aghast that I was not interested in getting married and having kids.

But even as a teen, before I understood how much I needed a savior from myself, I knew I was a selfish human being. Why would I want to replicate and raise a mini-me? I certainly did not believe I had much ability in parenting, and feared marriage.

The first major challenge to my goals after coming to faith in Jesus was meeting my husband. Prior to that, even leafing through Bride magazine would have been embarrassing. But, God used our relationship to shape both of us, and to challenge us to give up preconceived notions about religion and family.

The second for me was even tougher. My husband had always wanted children, and had married me even though I professed the opposite. Risky? Yes. Maybe that was God asking Tim to take a risk. But when we married, we dedicated our lives to Christ and to following His leading. Within 18 months, the Lord directly asked me to trust Him in this area of having children. It was not something I expected or even thought I would desire.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4.

Three children and 23 years later, the “comfort zone” has been breached often J. Psalm 37:4 is very real for me. God made me aware of gifts and desires I did not know I had or that I could actualize, and gave me delight in being a mom. Trust God in what He is asking of you today, even if it is something you have a lot of fear about. It may not be an easy journey, but He is trustworthy and faithful to bring you through, and to give you joy in it.

He Has a Plan for Your Prayer

When I was a teenager, planning for the future was not my thing. I had a five-month plan, perhaps, but a five-year plan? Five years was ridiculously far away. For instance, applying to college was not the long, drawn out process it is for teens today. I simply chose to go the inexpensive route (both in dollars and planning time) and follow my friends to a state university.

God changed my way of thinking my sophomore year in college. The Living God tends to do that for His children.

“Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2.

I knew I was not comfortable at the university--I wanted smaller classes, and a school with a spiritual aspect. Not being a partier, I was unhappy with dorm life, so I was already living back at home. The one school that fit the bill within driving distance of my home was St. Joseph College in West Hartford, Connecticut.

However, the school’s bill did not “fit the bill”--at $5,000 a year, it was more than triple the cost of my university (those were the days!). So, I prayed. This was a big deal for me: I had not prayed as a believer for something so big and so specific. But, other more seasoned Christians were telling me that God cares for His children and He answers prayer--sometimes in miraculous or unexpected ways.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20.

So, I stepped out in faith: “Lord, I really want to go to St. Joe’s, but the tuition seems out of reach. I pray for a scholarship--and if the scholarship lowers tuition by half, then I’ll know you want me to go there.”

I still remember the day I opened my acceptance letter and my financial aid award: “You have been awarded the Vitimaur Scholarship for merit: $2,500.” I nearly fell over. It was my first clear answer to prayer and it was a huge faith builder.

But what I did not know was that my time at St. Joseph would bring several special people into my life: professors who encouraged me to pursue excellence and who inspired me academically for the first time in my life, and two future family members: my friend Maureen, who when I was a senior, introduced me to her brother, my future partner in life.

God had a plan for me that I did not even know existed--and that plan is still unfolding for me and my family ever since I prayed that very special request.

A peculair and exquisite experience of Faith

I'm so grateful that I got to grow up in a household that, as far from perfect as it was, was a household that believed in God and the Bible. I'm grateful that I grew up going to church. Because of this foundation, I've never had to struggle with believing that God was real.

But of course I've had plenty of questions for God throughout my life. Questions about what certain things mean in the Bible, questions about how church is supposed to be, questions about why certain things have happened, questions about what I was supposed to do. Sometimes God has answered my questions with distinct clarity, and sometimes it would appear that I may never have the answer this side of heaven (and I often think that by the time I'm on the other side of heaven, and in the presence of the greatness of God Himself, I probably won't care any more).

I'd have to say the biggest questions in my life right at this moment in time have to do with my job circumstances. In a nutshell it's like this: I worked as an assistant administrator, and then when I obtained my license, as an administrator, for a large health care company at a few of their locations for 7 years straight. Then I re-married and we moved to a small, mountain community and I worked a interim stint for that same company, and then a permanent position came open within a half hour drive from my home and I took it. It seemed that God was really blessing.

Then a year after starting there, for the only time ever in my entire life, I was terminated from a job. That was in April 2009. I was devastated; I felt that I had given my heart out in all the years I'd worked for that company, and been a faithful employee who went way above and beyond what was expected. I knew God was in control, yet I struggled with feeling hurt, betrayed, and bewildered. Then, in the 17 months since then, I've encountered rejection upon rejection in my job search. Where I once was sought after and considered valuable, it now would seem that I was not wanted. Of course the fact that the nation's economy started tanking in 2008, and that California's unemployment rate is at 11%, and that jobs at the top end of the job market are always hit hardest, all factored into my experience. Because I made good money when I was working, and we're committed to a life of simplicity, I was able to save money when I was working; we've been able to utilize those saving and have not suffered financially. But it's been difficult for me on an emotional level. I've come to realize how much of my identity was derived from my work. I've struggled a lot with feelings of being a failure.

Right now as I'm writing this, a job related decision is weighing on the back of my mind. My current questions of Jesus are - do you want me to take this job I've just been offered? Even though it will mean an hour commute each way each day? Even though it pays 58% less than I made before? Even though it's a huge "come down" of a job from what I used to do? What do you want from me Lord, what is it that you want me to learn though all this?

In my morning times with God I've been enjoying a slow process through Genesis. Sometimes during this time, in addition to the Bible, I'll read other books that stimulate my thinking about the scriptures I'm studying. One of such books I've been reading and working through, is Beth Moore's The Patriarchs. As I've been reading, re-reading and thinking about Genesis 40 -41:13 these last couple of days, I've found Joseph's predicament extremely interesting. This is when Joseph was in prison, he'd interpreted the dreams for the pharaoh's baker and cup-bearer who were also in prison, he'd asked the cup-bearer to remember him to the pharaoh when he was released, and had been promptly forgotten by the cup-bearer. Then Joseph had waited for two more years in prison until the day came that the cup-bearer did remember him. I found these two comments that Moore made in regard to Joseph's two years of waiting, to be of great encouragement to me in my current work circumstances:

"Time can be a liar. Heaven is replete with angelic activity as God faithfully completes in the spiritual realms what He will release in the visible realms when the time is right"

"Sometimes we can be so busy looking for what is missing in our lives that we miss Who is busily present in our lives. We're looking for God to do us future favors when He is trying to open our eyes to present ones. Remember, God purposes to use every second of a divinely-ordained wait to build us into the individuals our future demands we be. One most peculiar and exquisite experience of faith is realizing that while you haven't seen answers or the way you should take, you've learned to see the light of God Himself."

Guess that describes where I'm at right now. I don't have the answers with regard to this current job offer, or my career in general, right now. I don't know the way I should take. But may I learn more and more with each passing day to see the light of God Himself.

What about you, do you have any unanswered questions and requests before God right now? How's the Holy Spirit encouraging your heart? What's God teaching you during this time?

I Always Get the Same Answer

Having spent the last five years of my life in academic Biblical studies and theology, I am tempted to bore all of you with some deep theological language and issues. I remember when I first started this academic journey I couldn’t seem to understand the meaning of a lot of terms. In my first semester and for some time beyond that, no matter how many times I saw the word ontological I would freeze in my tracks. I would run for a dictionary. I would look it up again. Now I can use the term in a complete sentence and even think to use the word. My first day in a New Testament class, the professor told us to go home and prepare a pericope outline for the book of Mark. I had no idea what he was talking about and really stressed over that assignment.

So I use big words sometimes. Sometimes I know what they mean and how to use them, other times not so much. If I were going to ask some of the big questions I have theologically, I would ask about the atonement, theodicy, the incarnation or the Trinity. In reality, I like that type of mental activity. I guess I better since I spend so much time doing it.

I think if the question were phrased, what questions would like to ask God? I think my questions would be around these deep theological questions. But that’s not the question for today. The question is what question have I asked Jesus? That’s a totally different question. Jesus is my Savior. He is my redeemer friend. He is the one who I cry out to from the deepest parts of my soul. Yeah, I know about the Trinity. Remember it was one of my deep theological questions. Nevertheless, in spite of being a theological nerd, I still see Jesus in a slightly different light. He was human (that's the incarnation part). The scripture says:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Hebrews 4:15

So in the non-nerd part of me, when you talk about Jesus it’s just different.

I have asked Jesus why it is that I am in South Dakota. I don’t like it here. I don’t understand why or what purpose He had in having me come here. It just seems wrong, totally wrong for me. Yet, here I am.

I have asked Jesus why He called me and now I sit. Why did He gift me in preaching and teaching and give me precious few opportunities to use my gifts? These questions are followed with internal scrutiny of things I may have done wrong. Of course, I have done things wrong at times but that never seems to be the answer. If it were, I could fix it. I could repent. I could change. I keep asking.

I have asked God why my precious granddaughter had to die and why my children often make poor choices. (Here is the story of the granddaughter’s death.) I ask Him why we experience pain and troubles (that’s the theodicy part).

My biggest question right now is, why do you never give me a choice between two good things? Why do I always have to chose between two choices that are both bad? I am facing some decisions right now. Neither choice is good.


Jesus has never really given me any good answers to these questions. Jesus is sometimes difficult like that. Most of the time, He is just silent. When He does answer, He says:

 Joyce, just trust Me.