Showing posts with label Heart's Desire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heart's Desire. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Jenna's House Story by Jenna Vick Silliman


I married for love, not money, and after twenty years of marriage Cliff and I were as happy as a couple of clams at high tide. However, one thing we lacked—a home of our own. We’d never been able to save the money for a down payment.

Our first rental was a tiny mobile home, like a cabin, nestled in pine trees of a town in northern California, Petaluma. I planted flowers, made curtains, and settled in just like it was forever. Our budget was like a shoestring frayed at both ends, but I learned to “make do or do without.” I kept singing a line from “Danny’s Song”, “Even though we ain’t got money, I’m so in love with ya Honey!”

After having three children, we moved to a larger rental, a tract house in Rohnert Park. It was shabby, but Cliff boasted, “Jenna can make ANY house a home.”

On Sunday drives, Cliff pointed out houses with a level driveway to play basketball. I liked the homes with lots of windows and flowers around them. I’d comment, “Doesn’t that blue one with white trim look nice?” At Christmas, with a longing too deep to describe, I admired the homes with a lighted tree in a big picture glass window in the front room. Cliff and I dreamed together—after all, dreams are free! Our conversations often began, “If only we could buy our own home…”

Our landlord remarked, “You guys have my house looking so nice, I’ve decided to sell it.” So we moved to another rental. In 1997 we were renting another place, and the owners decided to move back in. We had six children then, so it was difficult to find a place we could afford to rent that was big enough for all of us. Often owners would not want to rent to a big family.

Once I had a vivid dream of a house with a white porch that seemed so real I was ready to serve lemonade. When we drove around and looked at rentals, my kids teased, “There’s no white porch, Mama, so that can’t be it!”

We finally found a huge, mouse-infested old rental way up in the Sierra Nevada Mountains north of Bakersfield, California. The place had been vacant and up for sale for years. I took on the challenge of making it homey, and after a year we had it looking quite nice. July 1, 1999 the phone rang. The realtor informed me the house had sold. We had 30 days to move. I was six months pregnant with our seventh child and it was 98 degrees. I couldn’t believe it. I paced and cried and prayed—mad at God. I yelled, “God, I can’t do this! I just can’t move again and again!”

We had no money and nowhere to go.

We ended up temporarily moving into a room addition our friends had built onto their home in Sequim, Washington. It took us six weeks, but we finally found another house to rent in Sequim. Then another hit, after less than a year, the owners wanted to move back in—so we had to move again.

The situation seemed impossible. We had seven children and could not find another rental. We’d sunk thousands of dollars into renting, investing in nothing, with nothing to show for it. Our three-year-old son had already lived in five houses! Every day we checked the papers and found nothing. I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the bath to drown out the sound of my sobbing from my children. The words of Jesus came to my mind: “Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” In despair I cried out to Him, “Help me, Jesus! I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

The next day I visited a wise older woman, Marian Trebon, and asked her to pray for us. She peered into my eyes and asked, “Do you and Cliff pray together?”
I mumbled, “Well…yes, of course we pray…um…sometimes. We pray together before we eat.”

She shared how she and her husband daily prayed aloud together and gave every concern to God. She raved about time after time they experienced amazing answers to their prayers and how there is incredible power in prayer when a husband and wife pray in unity. She also shared how we as God’s children should go to Him with child-like faith, full of trust and ask Him for whatever is our heart’s desire because He delights in giving His children good gifts. She read in the Bible the words of Jesus, “You have not, because you ask not.” She concluded, “You and Cliff pray your hearts out!”

My dear friend infused me with faith. I rushed home and told Cliff all about it. We made a prayer date for early the next morning. We held hands and prayed about every specific detail of what we wanted in a home.

“Dear Heavenly Father, our family needs a home. We’d like a big, solid house with an acre of land. We’d like four bedrooms, an office, and a mother-in-law cottage. We want to live some place rural, yet still close enough to town so that Cliff’s mom will come and live with us.”

Then I thought, why not ask for everything we’d really like? I quickly added, “And we’d like a blue house with a white porch, a level driveway to play basketball, a big kitchen with a window that looks out on the back yard so I can watch my children play, lots of windows, a water view, and a view of the mountains, too. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

About a week later, I read this ad in the local paper, “4 bed, 3 bath. Quality older home in good condition. Over 3,000 sq.ft. Close to town on one acre.” I dialed the number with shaky hands and made an appointment for first thing that morning. I wrote down the address and realized it was only half a mile from the main street in Sequim, but in a rural area! As we pulled in front of a big gray house with a mother-in-law cottage next door, I said, “This is it.”

We piled out of the car and walked around the house to the back yard—which the owner said we could feel free to do. In the center of the back lawn, the kids scrambled up into a huge cherry tree. I had a cherry tree in the yard of my childhood home! Then I saw the kitchen window facing the back yard. I smiled and whispered, “Home sweet home!”

The owner arrived and said, “Hi, my name is Chuck Little. You can call me Grandpa Chuck. I’m a retired realtor. For fifty years I’ve helped folks find homes. I like your family and you need a home.” He explained how we could do a lease option. He’d reserve a third of the rent each month and give it back in two years for a down payment to buy the house.

Choking back tears I asked, “Are you making it easy for us to buy your house?”
He said, “Look, I’m 74 years old, and once in a while, I feel like doing something nice. Some things you just know God meant to be.”

Our home is the answer, down to the last detail, to our specific prayer—with an acre of land near town, yet in a rural area. There’s even a little water view of Sequim Bay, and on a clear day, we can see the Cascade Mountains and Mt. Baker. Yes, there are lots of windows, an office, AND a level driveway for basketball!

Cliff pointed out, “The place needs a paint job. If we do the work, will you supply the paint?” I took a deep breath and added, “And may we paint it blue with white trim and a white porch?”

He responded, “Sure!”

We’ve now lived in our blue house with a white porch for almost twelve years—longer than I have lived anywhere. In the summer, you might see us eating cherries on our porch swing or playing basketball in our driveway. At Christmas time, you might admire our beautiful lighted tree in the big picture glass window in our front room. Dreams do come true. What is your heart’s desire? Find a prayer partner and pray your hearts out!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

What's God's up to?

When I read scriptures like Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Corinthians 12:4-27 and Ephesians 2:8-10, it's clear that God creates us as we are, and gifts us to be used in His work.

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to help people. Be it a kid in my class at school that others picked on, an old person in a convalescent home that never received visitors, hungry children in a third world country, or even someone whose story I'd hear on the news. My heart has always ached when I hear of someone's pain, and I've had an intense desire to do something to make it better.

That's why I went into the kind of work that I do. Since 1980, I've always worked in some kind of human services job. I'm drawn to the disenfranchised.

Also I've always been especially interested in helping women. I don't know if it's as simple as the fact that since I'm a woman I'm more inclined to understand women. Or if it's because I was born in 1960 and grew up under the influence of the women's movement. Maybe it's because of the fact that if you look throughout history, all over the globe, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone more universally oppressed than women.

So when I thought about this week's topic of what would be our dream, or ideal, ministry I was a bit stumped. Initially I thought about how there are hurting people everywhere and God's repeatedly provided me with jobs, and ministry opportunities through local churches where I've lived, to reach out in ways that He created my heart to desire. Then I thought about the word "ideal" or "dream" opportunity some more and thought how cool it would be if I had the freedom to openly share the gospel as as well? What would it be like if I daily got to lead hurting people to Christ and then help them individually grow in Him? That would be over the top exciting! Those few times in my life when I've had the opportunity to help someone who was new in her faith to learn and grow have been among the most rewarding endeavors I've ever experienced.

I'm grateful that in my current church I have the opportunity to serve yet, to be candid, it's super rare that I ever get to work in this context with a new Believer, or to invest in a person, one on one, like I get to invest in my supervisors at work. So, if we're dreaming here, that's what would really do it for me.

Yet, I know God is in control of all things. So I choose to try to remain open to Him and sensitive to what He wants me to do each day. I also choose to trust Him that if I "miss it", that He is more than capable of showing me the error of my ways and getting me back on His path. I choose to stand firm in the knowledge (even when I'm as confused as I've been in my job situation and frustrations that I've shared about for the past couple of years) that He does have a plan for my life and it's His plan that I want more than anything else!

Friday, April 1, 2011

I just don't have a desire for strong liquor, wild women or gay show tunes...*




7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)









I love each of the post this week from my fellow Kingdom Bloggers. The desire of the heart is as unique and characteristic to an individual as a fingerprint, and comes to fruition from a number of variables that we each develop and experience as we grow.


David Johndrow started the week with a wonderful promise from God found in a psalm of King David. In Acts 13:22, Paul is laying the Good News out to the Jews (and even the Gentiles who worshipped God) by preaching to them about the chosen history of Israel that had been directed by God's hand. How God had found David to be a man after His own heart, and from his lineage had come the Savior of all mankind, Jesus Christ.

I personally find great hope in David's story because his journey for God is one that strays from the path on occasion. There is great solace in the fact God can use us for His glory even though we start broken and are prone to disrepair along the way.

My heart's desire was once focused on the dream of becoming an astronaut. I planned and plotted the path my life would follow: after high school, college, commissioning in the USMC, flight school, fighter pilot, couple of tours, test-pilot school, and on to NASA. For once, my height played to my advantage because astronauts are preferred to be under 6 feet tall. While my desire to play college football was smashed by my stature, the bigger price was still in hand. I had my course charted.

Problem was...God wasn't in it. I had moved away from Him and seeking His will for my life. That's why when  the wheels came off the cart, I found myself completely lost in the darkness. I couldn't pass a flight school eye exam. From the word go...my dream was over. I plotted and schemed to find a way around the one limitation that had become the closed door in my path. The thing I didn't do...I couldn't do...was pray for God's help. I was swimming in unconfessed sins and the desire of my heart revolved around a path I had never stopped to check with my Father about. So endeth the lesson for this grasshopper...

Today, my heart's desire is completely focused on God's will for my life. I long to be closer to Him, for my family to be closer to Him. I pray to be a man likened to God's own heart...like David. Rarely do I dwell on my shortcomings but rather examine the root causes to avoid them in the future. I start each day mentally reciting the words of Jesus concerning the greatest commandments. I yearn for His return and to be in His presence. I seek after the face of God...



My true heart's desire.


The reality that God will do what and when He wants keeps me grounded. The verifiable truth that I fail Him each and every day and to live up to a standard worthy of His love also drives me...motivates me...to never accept spiritual defeat...ever! I must humbly accept without my Father eternal death is my sentence. To be separated from true love forever...

The very antithesis of my heart's desire.



* The title of this post comes from a conversation I had just today with one of my Italian customers. At the end of every conversation we've ever had, this gentleman will ask me, in his heavily accented voice, if I'm going home to enjoy 'the Jack Daniels' this evening. I guess people in Italy have people from Tennessee stereotyped just as we stereotype them (he hates spaghetti I've learned). At the end of our telephone conversation this morning, he posed the question once again, and I gave him the above title answer. He laughed about the gay show tunes...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The passion of the flame within

Thinking about this whole topic of heart's desires this week has reminded me of a Proverb that I've often thought on from Proverbs 13:12 (NIV):

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Like everyone else, I've had those experiences where I've really wanted something and not gotten it. Experienced the deep disappointment and frustration.

But I've also been blessed many times over through the course of my life by God giving me the desires of my heart. Between those times of receiving and those times of not receiving I've noticed that same pattern that David talked about in his post on Monday; when I've sought after what God wanted for me, I've received it. Seems to me that if I want to approach this whole thing strategically, that what I need to do is look for what God is doing and join in His work.

But all of life is not a game of strategy. I'm a typical woman in that I'm heart motivated. So I guess for me I need to seek to let the Holy Spirit till the ground of my heart so that my motivations can be His. As of now the practical ways that I know to do my part in this process are to spend time in the Word, mediating on it and to be in constant communication with God. Also to be open as the Holy Spirit uses life situations to make changes in me; to cooperate in that process rather than fight it.

Some of the basic heart desires that God's so graciously blessed me in are my husband and sons. A big part of my whole motivation in life is to be a good wife and mother; sounds simplistic but we all know that it's anything but easy. Yet God in His goodness has blessed me over and over in these relationships. Teaches me daily how to more loving and effective.

Another heart's desire that I've had since my teen years has been to work in a capacity that makes a fundamental difference in the lives of people. God has blessed that desire as well. He's blessed me with letting me work with problem youths, brain injured people, developmentally disabled people, and mentally ill people at various jobs through the years. Sometimes I've worked in a direct care capacity, sometimes I've been a line supervisor, and sometimes I've (at least theoretically) run the show. But in all those capacities I got to spend my work time investing in people and making a difference. A couple of weeks ago I was at a job interview where the man commented on how impacted he was during the interview by my passion for my work, that he was attracted to that passion and found it gratifying to encounter. Isn't it like that when God puts us right where our heart is at? When we get to do what makes our heart well up within us? God is so good!

But, a side note here, even in the blessing of God there is so much I do not understand. A perfect example is that very same interview. That interview went super well, they both said how much they liked me and that I would be invited back for the second round of interviews, and it's now been two weeks and I've heard nothing. The point I want to make through this life example is that I don't have the big picture. None of us do. But God does, and at this point in my life I'm grateful that I can rest in Him, know that His will really is best.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Fulfilling My Sole Purpose

I disclosed last week that Jo-Jo liked sin but Jo-Jo had a life long desire to please God.  I have a few friends who once had that desire who are now atheists. I honestly can't wrap my head around how that happens.  For me, it's always been all about Jesus.

I've also been pretty candid about my desires.  In fact before I went to look at what I had already said about desire, I was going to post that song again.  I didn't use a video last time, so if you want to hear about that burning desire I have, To Be Used of God, click the link.

Yesterday, I was contributing to a conversation on Facebook. She was commenting on a Charismatic classic, Prison to Praise by Merlin Carothers.  It's been a very long time since I read the book.  It's message is to praise God in all thing.  Sometimes I'm not so good at that.  I tend to be more like Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof.



Being like Tevya is real.  Lament is scriptural.  However, in my comments on Facebook, I said, we were created for one sole purpose, to worship and praise God.  My desire is to be better at that. My desire is to fulfill my deepest purpose, to be a worshiper.
Hebrews 13:15 Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name

Monday, March 28, 2011

Heart's Desires vs What I Want

I have dreamed of many things over my life time. Americans think, well we can be whatever we set our minds to be. For sure, many of us could achieve more if we worked a little harder - well maybe a lot harder. Some of it is tied to success, some to entitlement and whatever is left over seems to be up to God.

This week the faithful are going to write about their heart's desires, the ones that they are praying through even now.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD;And He will give you the desires of your heart.


If you are like me, you have lots of desires, dreams and ambitions. Even if you are not, I am sure you have some wants in your life. If you could obtain them, they would become blessings.

I have dreams of retirement where I can walk the beach with my wife, travel on short-term missions as I please, write when I feel inspired, take photographs as I feel the creative energy, and exercise without jamming it into an already overstuffed schedule; and Lord willing, maybe have grandchildren (in retirement, not next month!).

I was thinking to myself, why is it that some things I want, I can't have, and other things seem to fall in my lap? I have delighted in the Lord - I mean really been passionate and engaged - it didn't seem to make a difference. It seemed random, some days I was really blessed, and others, no matter what I did, prayed, didn't do, tried to do, sought help from others to accomplish, it didn't happen for me; even though I desired it.

I used to be involved in franchising business opportunities. We had lots of people that wanted to make a fortune in the DOT COM explosion of the 90s. This was a season in which the average person could easily succeed because they didn't have to compete with the big corporations because there weren't any. Our team did a presentation outlining what we would teach them to do in a three-day seminar.  Just about all of those that got into business failed. Why? Because some things are hard work even if you know what to do. Others that saw our presentation started their own businesses and succeeded. Why? Because they got out there an did it. They took an outline from the presentation and turned it into success.

Achieving desires is some times hard work.

Recently I was able to unlock that secret to success for David. you can read about it HERE. Now that I have found what true success is for me, I am working on the next step: that is asking God to give me (implant) His desires for me. I am not going to be asking God to bless my plans any longer. I have finally realized that I don't have the best plans for my life (yeah, wow!), and what God may want for me may not be what I want for myself. As I look back on those things that worked out, became a blessings, or turned into something wonderful, it was when I was in communion with God.

In my early days of Christianity, it was about things working out that way I wanted them too. From here on in, it is about wanting what God wants regardless of how I feel about it. I want to be in the flow of the Spirit, not in some place that fits my emotions. It's as bold as Paul being in prison.

Now all I need is some godly desires, and the peace of God that come with it!