Worship is a Lifestyle by Jenna Vick Silliman

Worship is turning our hearts to our Creator, like flowers turning their faces toward the sun. God shines His light to make our lives bloom and grow. Worship is a lifestyle. It is focusing on the Lord our God and King in adoration, love, praise, and awe—and we can worship Him any time and anywhere. We ARE the temple of His Spirit, so we do not need to go to a church building to worship Him.

This is me flagging in worship. Sequim,WA Aug.2012

About two years ago I started flagging in worship of the Lord because the colorful flags make my worship bigger, more colorful, and more expressive. I love to worship Him with all my heart and soul and mind and strength and just pour myself out and lose myself in His presence. Sometimes I dance, sometimes I sing or flag, or sometimes I just sit and soak in His loving presence. As C.S. Lewis said, “It is in the process of being worshipped that God communicates His presence to men.”

God wants us to be hot, not cold or lukewarm.  He tells us to delight in Him and seek to know Him and to praise and worship Him and love Him and set our minds on Him. As Graham Cooke says, "We never exit worship. It is a melody that is either in the foreground or the background of our hearts. When it comes to the fore, we must give ourselves to it generously." I like the way Isaiah says it, “I set my face like a flint.” (See Is. 50:7.)

More than worship by myself, however, I enjoy worshiping Him in unity with other people that love Him too. An assembly of people worshiping with all their hearts is totally awesome. God inhabits the praises of His people! We are an “ark” of His presence, living stones, a temple of His Holy Spirit. Our relationships with Him and each other are of paramount importance, NOT our religious practices or Sunday services where people are just going through the motions. It makes my heart ache and feel such sadness when I think of Christians gathering and just watching, like they are an audience, instead of entering into worship. Even worse is when people chit chat or focus on their i-phones, instead of worshiping Him in the assembly.

I asked my Pastor, John Himmelberger, one time, “Should there be some teaching on how to enter into a time of worship together?” He said something I will never forget, “Some things are better caught than taught.” With that in mind, here is a little girl singing to God with all her heart. Watch this YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoCnzAv0lzY  When I watched it I started laughing and crying with joy and worshipping right along with her! Hahaha!

I also said something to John about how flaggers are worship leaders. He replied, “I like to call them worshiping leaders.” Exactly! When we gather for a time of worship I try to just focus on the Lord and worship my heart out and block out thoughts about what other people are doing. A friend said to me one time, “Wow Jenna! I was watching you for a while when you were worship dancing and you were just GONE.” Hahaha! Yep! I worship with singing, flagging and dancing with “ekstatic worship” just like King David. Watch me if you choose, but don’t talk to me because I’m busy worshipping Jesus! You may think it is a performance for you, but it is not. My worship is a performance for my beloved King! HE LOVES IT.

As Graham Cooke said, "True worship leaders are not choirmasters. They do not lead by singing [or playing an instrument or dancing or flagging]. They are caught up in their own movement. The Lord plays their heart like an instrument. In that place of intimacy He uses their heart to attract, inspire, and compel people to respond."

Dear Lord, make me an instrument of worship in praise and adoration of You, my beloved King. Thank You for giving me companions that love You first and foremost to worship You together in the assembly. I want more of Your presence in my life and I live to delight Your heart with my praises and my worship. No matter what, no matter when, no matter where--I will worship You. Thank You for Your goodness, kindness, and tender loving ways toward me. Tune my heart to Yours, O God, to enjoy the dance of LIFE with You forevermore!

‎

Lord, Your praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalm 34:1

The Promise of Peace

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26.

I know a few people who exude peace. Most of us are giving out piece, not peace: a piece of us here, a piece of us there, as we hurry to accomplish all that we have piled on our proverbial plate.

Stress and anxiety will rob us of peace. Life’s traumas and trials will do the same. 

I have struggled since our move in 2010 to be less stressed, more at peace. Life’s circumstances have not made that very easy: concerns about those I love, underemployed, college bills to pay, and a list of other things that continue to hinder a more peaceful heart.

Peace is not something we can “work up.” A frenzy, yes; peace? Not so much.  Yet, peace is a promise, a gift, a blessing.  God desires to give us His peace and desires us to live in peace with one another. It is not God who is responsible for a lack of peace--humans are (and a devil who loves to rob us of all good gifts from God).

In my experience, true peace only comes through trusting God who is Shalom (peace). In the scripture from Numbers 6, God has told Moses that this blessing is to be spoken over the people of Israel. Israel had just suffered through 400 years of bondage in Egypt, had a miraculous though harrowing escape, and had placed their faith in God (and their leader, Moses) to lead them out to a promised land.

This blessing shows not only the character of God, but also His promise: He will bless, He will keep (protect, provide), He gives grace and care, and He gives peace (shalom) to His people. This is an unconditional blessing to those who belong to Him. This is not a promise that bad things won’t happen to His people, but a promise that He will always be present with His care, grace and peace.

He turns His face to me and sees me, loves me, even when I am struggling or even failing. Every day, He reminds me “from whence cometh my help” (Psalm 23): from Him. Shalom. 

"P" Soup: Reflecting on 2011

I am thankful and thrilled to be part of this team for Kingdom Bloggers. Just to give readers a short introduction, I live and work in Rochester, New York; we moved here in July 2010 when my husband took on his first pastorate after 20 years in business and three years of seminary studies. As for me, thirty years ago God placed a radical call on the life of an ordinary Irish girl from New England. He changed my life trajectory completely, for which I am very thankful. I love God, people and the hope we have in Jesus Christ. I have degrees in English and counseling, and enjoy reading, writing, cooking, and touching others with hints of God’s love, especially scones and tea.

This week, we are reflecting on our “Top Five Blessings for 2011.” Most of us have heard the modern exhortation, “Don’t live in the past. ” But even the Apostle Paul--who tells us in his letter to the Philippians that he leaves behind the past and presses on toward the future (Phil. 3:13)--understood the value of reflection. Just read his self-assessment a few verses earlier. So, being a cook, here is my own 2011 "P Soup" as I reflect on a difficult, but fruitful year:

5. Pressure--2011 presented pressure for many people in our sphere. For our family, we were adjusting to a new city after six years on the North Shore of Massachusetts (the longest we have lived in one place), a new church (where my husband Tim is pastor), a new high school for our youngest, being a significant distance from family and friends, and my needing employment--and that’s the short list. But the pressure presented opportunity for #4:

4. Perseverance--“Thus far the Lord has helped us” (1 Samuel 7:12). God has always pushed us to “new places” but he has shored us up with his grace, strength, mercy, and a sense of humor.

To help my sanity and to challenge myself, I set a goal to read 50 books in 2011 and write about it on Facebook--52 books later, with a lot less television, and a sense of accomplishment, I did it! We have had to persevere in trusting and hoping for #3:

3. Provision--Alleluia! Tim and I minister and collaborate at our church, our daughter loves her school and joined the crew team, our older daughter Maggie had a dream trip to Ireland (where my mom was born), England and Paris, and is in her freshman year at her dream school, our son Sam got engaged to his high school sweetheart and they will both graduate college this year, and our entire family participated in my sister-in-law’s wedding (including Tim performing the ceremony, his first!). God blessed us with not only one mild winter here on the “North Coast,” but two!

2. Pals--God knows how important relationships are to me, and not only did he move our family closer to longtime friends in Ithaca, but also gave me some great friends here in Pittsford I cherish. A new friend and I started a book group last year, and it is thriving. Since our older children attend college in Boston, I have opportunity to visit dear friends and family members a few times a year in CT and MA! Now, if we can only get these people to drive to Western New York more often ;).

1. Presence--2011 was a tough year, but it was also a blessed year because God’s presence was with us, encouraging, exhorting, renewing. This list of Top Five may seem a little odd because the content includes some tough categories, but it is through the challenges of life we remember to lean on the only One who can truly help us, and save us! His presence is our peace.

When you're down and out...just look up!

While I don't necessarily have an intervention story that involves a road trip, I do have a very fond moment that involves being on the road...

I've written about my commute a few times over on Tony C Today. It seems to always be a source of fodder for a good story...and a serious test of a few different virtues to boot. The commute has also been a blessing on many occasions for me as I use the time to talk with my Father about things on my heart, listen to podcast of sermons from local pastors of churches I don't attend but still love, gear up or decompress for/from work, and of course jam a little.

 

About four years ago, I was transitioning to a new position at work. At the very same time, my boss had ask if I would copy edit a book he had finished writing and was about to submit to a publisher. The subject covered the book of Genesis but was written from a different theological perspective than my own. He wasn't deterred that I would be approaching the task as a Christian, and he assured me there was no pressure to agree with his work...he just wanted me to copy edit for mechanics, grammar and check scripture references.

 

Let me state that I love this man and his entire family. I have the best job and working environment a person could ever ask to be placed...peas and carrots. I was determined to do the best job possible for him. As I got deeper into the book, it became obvious to me that our belief systems were vastly different. I started experiencing anxieties, not as a result of anything he said directly to me or required, but rather from my own conscience. Was it justifiable or grounded in dogma? The conflict became a spiritual struggle for me that lasted for several weeks and became a serious drag on my daily attitude.

I pressed on with editing the 700+ page book. There were times I know I avoided talking with my boss because I was becoming somewhat disconnected. My focus started breaking down as I struggled with what I should do or say based on my Christian faith. I had several conversation with my pastor who really helped me put things into a proper perspective. But still, the anxiety lingered and even haunted me at times.

 

While driving home from work one evening, I started praying for God to guide me, lead me. Should I stop editing because the book conflicted with my own faith? Why it took me so long to go to Him is beyond me, but I prayed, I waited and then finally  I flipped on the radio...

 

The song King of Glory by Third Day was playing. I cranked it up. As I listened and began to sing along, I became overcome with Joy. I popped in a CD with the long version of the same song and started again. His name is Jesus, precious Jesus. The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart, the King of glory.

I pulled off I-26 at the top of Bays Mountain, put everything else on my mind and in my heart aside, and sang to my Jesus...the King of glory! When the song ended, I played it again...and then a third time. Alone...tears flowing...filled with Joy...I worshipped and sang praises to Him.

When I started driving again, my anxiety was just...gone. I had become so wrapped up and worried that I had surrendered my source of Joy in life...the Joy that only comes when my focus is on Him. After that day, I had a number of great discussions with my boss about his book, his beliefs and also about my faith. He's a great guy who listens and doesn't judge, and that's the example I should have been exhibiting.

Although sometimes I fail, now I try not to be hampered by earthly issues when I worship or even prepare to worship. God deserves my undivided attention, and even though I'm never worthy of His blessing...sometimes He pours it on extra heavy just because He loves me.

I might be a little late getting home again tonight...

Sister Sledge didn't have a clue...

I'm absolutely in love with my church family!

Although I've attended a number of different churches in my life, I really only consider two as home churches. Coincidentally, they are the only two churches I've also ever joined as a member. The first one is the small country church I grew up in so many years ago. On a good Sunday, we'd have 60 people in attendance to collectively love each other and worship a most deserving God. Even today, almost 30 years later, I still consider the people from that church very much family. I look forward to seeing many that have gone on again one glorious day. I will shake the hand of Mr. Rutlege and thank him very sincerely for the heartfelt prayers he would often open or dismiss services with each Sunday.  When he spoke, both humility and reverence exuded from his baritone voice in a manner I've yet to find a match. I will look for Preacher Fleenor to thank him for taking a personal interest in a cocky, green teenager who needed far more Jesus and far less of himself. I will hug Mrs. Taylor and Mrs. Conant in appreciation for numerous Sunday School lessons they taught me over the years with diligence and a lot of patience. Just to name a few...

The church I attend today is equally special to me. While God is most assuredly the common denominator between these two special churches, there are the people who have chosen to express and share His love evidently present in both Houses too. My current place of gathering in His name is somewhat larger...but no less comfortable. Active but unassuming...in a humble manner. We start both worship services each week with a 'reconnect time' of alter prayer to prepare our hearts and minds for worship, praise and reception of His word and Spirit.

No one will be surprised when I say Baptist churches can be somewhat stiff and a little formal. Honestly, we too suffer from a degree of that culture in our services, but God seems to understand and visits with us each week despite our self-imposed aloofness. He's been chuckling at Baptist for many years now and loves us none the less...and we love Him.

We sing praises in worship each week to Him in a number of styles and techniques. In one service each week, yours truly bangs out rhythms on the drums with our Praise Team in my own unique way of worship. I'm thankful for the talent He gave me and only use it in His name these days.

Our pastor is a gifted speaker who takes the role God has placed him in very seriously. The church leadership is very focused on our purpose in the Kingdom always maintaining a healthy balance between responsible stewardship of what God has blessed us with and reckless dedication to faithfully do what we have been called to do...in spite of traditions and dogma.

But the single characteristic ever-present is love...for each other, for those not yet a part of His body, and always for Him.

Through the powers of YouTube, here's a recent Sunday service:

He always knows what I need and when I need it...

Wow! Another week of inspiring post lifting praise to an awesome God!

I've been blessed this week reading each post and the comments that follow. Like several of my fellow Kingdom Bloggers, I was conflicted a bit on exactly which of several possible stories I wanted to share, but the fellow visit from the Holy Spirit has continued to have direct influence in my daily life.

I've written about my commute a few times over on Tony C Today. It seems to always be a source of fodder for a good story...and a serious test of a few different virtues to boot. The commute has also been a blessing on many occasions for me as I use the time to talk with my Father about things on my heart, listen to podcast of sermons from local pastors of churches I don't attend but still love, gear up or decompress for/from work, and of course jam a little.

 

About four years ago, I was transitioning to a new position at work. At the very same time, my boss had ask if I would copy edit a book he had finished writing and was about to submit to a publisher. The subject covered the book of Genesis but was written from a different theological perspective than my own. He wasn't deterred that I would be approaching the task as a Christian and assured me there was no pressure to agree with his work...he just wanted me to copy edit for mechanics, grammar and check scripture references.

 

Let me state that I love this man and his entire family. I have the best job and working environment a person could ever ask to be placed...peas and carrots. I was determined to do the best job possible for him. As I got deeper into the book, it became obvious to me that our belief systems were vastly different. I started experiencing anxieties, not as a result of anything he said directly to me or required, but rather from my own conscience. Was it justifiable or grounded in dogma? The conflict became a spiritual struggle for me that lasted for several weeks and became a serious drag on my daily attitude.

I pressed on with editing the 700+ page book. There were times I know I avoided talking with my boss because I was becoming somewhat disconnected. My focus started breaking down as I struggled with what I should do or say based on my Christian faith. I had several conversation with my pastor who really helped me put things into a proper perspective. But still, the anxiety lingered and even haunted me at times.

While driving home from work one evening, I started praying for God to guide me, lead me. Should I stop editing because the book conflicted with my own faith? Why it took me so long to go to Him is beyond me, but I prayed, I waited and then I flipped on the radio...

 

The song King of Glory by Third Day was playing. I cranked it up. As I listened and began to sing along, I became overwhelmed with Joy. I popped in a CD with the long version of the same song and started again. His name is Jesus, precious Jesus. The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart, the King of glory.

I pulled off I-26 at the top of Bays Mountain, put everything else on my mind and in my heart aside, and sang to my Jesus...the King of glory! When the song ended, I played it again...and then a third time. Alone...tears flowing...filled with Joy...I worshipped and sang praises to Him.

 

When I started driving again, my anxiety was just...gone. I had become so wrapped up and worried that I had surrendered my source of Joy in life...the Joy that only comes when my focus is on Him. After that day, I had a number of great discussions with my boss about his book, his beliefs and also about my faith. He's a great guy who listens and doesn't judge, and that's the example I should have been exhibiting.

 

Although sometimes I fail, now I try not to be hampered by earthly issues when I worship or even prepare to worship. God deserves my undivided attention, and even though I'm never worthy of His presence...sometimes He pours it on extra heavy just because He loves me.

I've been a little late getting home several other evenings to spend a little time with Him since too...

 

He's there when I need Him

Like Andrea yesterday, I had trouble narrowing it down to just one experience. Most of those experiences have been during times of worship, either with others or when I'm alone. But the time I felt compelled to share about was during a season of my life when I needed Him and God was real in a tangible way, and His joy saw me through.

I am grateful that the All Mighty Creator of the universe, the Host of the Armies of Heaven, the Holy and Just and Perfect God, chooses to have His Holy Spirit live in me, and chooses to grace me with His very presence.

It's just that sometimes I'm aware of His presence, and sometimes I'm not so aware. Sometimes my experience of Him is palpable, and sometimes I don't feel a thing and have to act on faith.

I can remember a specific time in my life when I needed Him and frequently experienced both His presence and His joy. It was when I took over my first facility as administrator.

In some ways I'm not a natural at being an administrator; I've got the mental ability but I'm shy, hate confrontations, would like to just be nice all day, detest being the center of attention, and am a definite laid back, type B, personality who adores when I have the luxury to take her time. But in a hectic, busy, secured psychiatric facility the pace is fast and there's a lot at stake. No education, or on the job training, could prepare me for all the situations that came up daily in that first position. (Did I mention that we also had a labor union in that building?) So, there'd be times when I had to make a decision on the spot and I really didn't know what to do. My natural inclination is to think about a situation, and then look at it from all sides, and then think some more. To analyze it from every angle, to research, and evaluate it. But the day to day life of running that business did not always afford me that opportunity.

So I developed the habit of spending time with God every morning. Trying to program my brain through His Word so that His way of doing things would be my first response. Trying to connect with Him and allow His Spirit to center me so I'd have a compass for the day. Then, when those urgent situations came up, I'd just silently offer up a prayer of "Help Lord-what do I do?" and go with what seemed the best course at the time.

What I can remember, with a smile on my face as I think back on it, was how real He made His presence to me. It was similar to what I've seen in the movies, or heard people describe, about how their dad was with them when they first learned to ride a 2-wheel bike; he'd hold on for awhile before He let go. That was the type of experience I had with God during that season of my life; I never felt alone because I could sense His very presence, right there, when I called out to Him. And His presence filled me with such joy and security; knowing that my heavenly Father was there for me, that I wasn't alone as I was learning the ins and outs of the job He'd blessed me with to provide for my family.

What about you, have you experienced God's faithfulness? Has He been there when you needed Him?

Oh Holy Night

Call me sappy, or even cliche, but I absolutely adore and cherish Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I'm not going to generalize in my post today. No, I'm going to be very personal and specific on my feelings when it comes to Christmas. There's no doubt I completely enjoy the time spent with family and friends during this time of year, and I also enjoy the opportunity to give gifts in appreciation to others. Food is unmatched in quality and quantity as we celebrate, and everyone seems to be just a bit nicer to one another for whatever reason.

But for me, there is no other time during the year that I feel closer to God. Honestly. Not to seem or come across overly pious or righteous, I strive each day to walk with my Lord and spend time in His Word and conversing. Granted, some days are more successful than others, but any lacking falls directly on me or my efforts to draw close while trying to keep the distraction of the world at bay.

I was asked to pray before service this past Wednesday night, and in a moment of shear humility and appreciation, I stumbled as I prayed expressing gratitude to God Almighty for the greatest gift every given to mankind. For a second, I was overcome by the magnitude of what that gift means..not just during Christmas...but forever and ever as I will one day be transformed into a state of evermore...into eternity. Praise God for such a gift! An undeserved, unobtainable gift only available because of His love and grace for us.

As Christians, we profess things like "Jesus is the reason..." and "Keep Christ in Christmas", and I absolutely support the effort to remind the world Christmas starts with Christ. But, it is during the 30 hours or so starting on Christmas Eve that I find myself in constant reflection on what it must have truly been like for a poor, travelled Jewish couple...away from home...to watch as the Savior of all mankind came into the world. God chose Mary and Joseph, and as people of faith in God, there must have been an unbelievable feeling of peace fall upon both of them as they looked upon God's promise. A feeling of certainty that no other parent at no other time in history has ever experienced. They gazed upon the Almighty in such a fragile form...but still omnipotent and completely in control.

I heard a wonderful sermon last week on the unsung hero of the nativity story - Joseph. His wife Mary is the subject of numerous songs and stories encompassed in Christmas. Even the shepherds, wise men and stable animals have prominent places of display in the nativity scene. While I ponder and reflect on the role each one plays in the ongoing narrative that continues to move closer and closer to the world's final moment, my mind is incapable of understanding the immense amount of love Jesus had to leave Heaven, separate from His Father and walk daily in a world infused with sin.

Granted, I know I should strive for such appreciation daily in my life and not just at Christmas. I truly do. But during the festival we refer to as Christmas with all the tinsel, lights and other flashy pageantries, one miracle dominates my thoughts and emotions without question...Jesus.

He is the only reason I can be closer to my Father.

Merry Christmas and I pray God lives in you this and every other day throughout the year.

God said do...so I did.

Okay...this is the first one of these I've ever done, but I felt lead to do it. I have to admit, it was a real blessing working on this storyboard video searching for pictures and related videos while listen to Chapman's compelling praise song.

So, what about the change? I had to ask myself that dozens of times during the process. Maybe this was meant for me, I don't know...but I hope you are as moved as I was to self-reflect on the lyrics.

Be quite and let Me do the talking...

I've recounted a number of incidents on Kingdom Bloggers where I know God was near me...in my personal testimony, during my daily commute, and even when I lived in Hawaii. Both of my last two post were also examples of my being aware God was present.

Isn't that really the point though? God is always near even if we don't acknowledge His presence.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (NIV)
16Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

I heard a wonderful sermon preached on this passage a few weeks back that oddly reminded me of an anecdote I read in college years ago:

A pointed fable is told about a young lion and a cougar. Both thirsty, the animals arrived at their usual water hole at the same time. They immediately began to argue about who should satisfy their thirst first. The argument became heated, and each decided he would rather die than give up the privilege of being first to quench his thirst. As they stubbornly confronted each other, their emotions turned to rage. Their cruel attacks on each other were suddenly interrupted. They both looked up. Circling overhead was a flock of vultures waiting for the loser to fall. Quietly, the two beasts turned and walked away. The thought of being devoured was all they needed to end their quarrel.

As Christians, we know God is always near because His word tells us, yet we lose sight of His presence as we become wrapped up and overtaken by narcissistic thoughts and actions. But God is still with us...we are often still His temple. All living creatures need water to survive,
and Christ is the Living Water (John 7:37-38) necessary for our eternal survival. The world circles overhead waiting to swoop down and devour our being if we neglect the Living Water by not talking to Him, spending time in His word, focusing on others with love and not rage in our hearts, and following His commandments. We are temples of God reborn and set in motion to do all things for His Kingdom.

He makes it so easy if we can just remember He is always near.

I had a completely different post written out for today that became garbled on a thumb drive beyond recovery...or did it? That's one of the greatest things about God always being near...He always has something to say if I just shut up and let Him do the talking.

Sometimes I sense God's Presence...Sometimes I don't

There have been many times throughout my life when God was near, when I experienced His very presence.

Some of those times have been big events where God miraculously healed people, or times when life circumstances had brought me into a terrible event but I could feel God's presence and the knowledge that I was not alone, or moments when we were singing together during church and it was as if the palpable presence of God was with us. But many of the times when God was near were in the ordinary, in daily life, when nothing super exciting was going on, when I was just seeking His presence and He chose to bless me; like on this ordinary day....

Warmth, comfort, I don't want to move an inch-wait, what's that sound? Ugh-it's the alarm clock! I so do not like to get up in the morning. Why don't I just go ahead and hit the snooze button, the clock says too early anyway.

Oh gee, now I can't sleep. Plus I'm remembering why I set the clock a bit early. I wanted to give myself some extra time 'cuz it's been awful lately at work. Geeze, just thinking about all the pressure and all the misunderstandings makes me feel sick to my stomach, makes me want to get right back into this bed.

Oh God, I need You, I can't make it without You.

OK, maybe I'll feel better if I just drag myself into a hot shower.

Yep, nothing like the hot water of a shower to make me feel more awake and alive. That combined with the caffeine in a diet coke with lots of slices of limes in it - it just doesn't get much better than that. As I go out the kitchen door onto our deck, I find myself thinking about how I love this house, love our back deck so secluded and up among the trees. I'm grateful that I can come out here and be alone. Take this time here with my Bible, reading glasses, and God - I need this time, I'm desperate for it.

I feel depleted, like I've got nothing to offer. But God has sure blessed me. I begin thanking Him. Thanking Him for my health, my beautiful home in the mountains, my husband who loves me, my healthy sons, and even though my job is wretched right now I thank Him that I have a job and that all our financial needs are met, we've never gone without our needs being met. Most of all I thank Him for the forgiveness that is mine through Jesus.

Thinking about Jesus and all He's done for me just makes me start to sing. Song after song of praise pours from my lips. I'm grateful that it's no one but God and me out here because I know I'm most likely off key; I'm grateful that it doesn't matter.

After awhile I am silent. Silent before God. Aware of His greatness. Aware of His presence. A deep peace permeates my being. I feel like I do after a long winter, when it first starts getting warm and I get to go outside and sit in the sun, all I want to do is sit there drinking in its warmth. That's how it is right now, all I want is to bask in the presence of God...

Sometimes during my morning times with God it's like this, His presence warms me like hot water in the bathtub and I just can't get enough. Other times, if I'm honest, I don't feel anything.

Years ago I would have told you that if I feel His presence or not, I have a daily time with Him out of obedience. Today it's not like that. Today I tell you that I spend that time daily in thanksgiving, praise, prayer, silence and reading the Bible and reflecting - not because I'm devout or obedient - but because I'm needy. Because I'm desperate for God. When I was 17 years old, I thought I knew so much. But in the more than 3 decades since then, I've watched myself fail, I've learned enough to know how much I don't know, I've experienced the grace and mercy of God repeatedly, and I've come to know that I'm nothing without God. I spend time in His presence because I've experienced the fact that there is a battle going on , and I need to change the way I think, that I need to help myself think on things that are true and positive.

For me the bottom line is that I'm grateful for and enjoy when I get to feel the presence of God, but choose to keep seeking after Him even when I do not feel His presence.