Self-Control: A Dirty Word?

Self-control is in short supply. The problem in our culture is an over-supply of everything else: food, drink, drugs, guns, sex, clothing, cars, casinos, toys, television, technology. We can indulge ourselves in every way imaginable--and in many cases, ways we cannot imagine.

All of us, if we are honest, lack self-control in some area. I don’t get enough exercise, my tongue flaps when it shouldn’t, I drink too much coffee, and my daughter knows not to leave a bag of Jax Cheese Twists anywhere near me. 

Self-control is the equivalent of a dirty word in the contemporary lexicon: not to be mentioned. “If my behavior does not harm you, then what business is it of yours?” But, a lack of self-control has a ripple effect.  My tongue-flapping may hurt someone’s feelings, too much caffeine may cause me to be irritable or anxious, and the Jax incident, combined with lack of exercise, leads to the need for new pants, which leaves fewer dollars for necessities.

There are extreme cases of self-control gone awry, such as the co-worker who starts shooting up the office. Whatever the triggers over time may have been, in the end he allows his baser impulses--rage, resentment, hopelessness--to fully rise to the surface and explode.

There are also daily events that don’t make the news: the woman at the stoplight who honks her horn angrily because traffic is not moving quickly enough for her. The child at the grocery store who, denied a favorite candy, has a meltdown. The mother who later does a line or smokes a joint or has four glasses of wine to deal with stress. The lonely twenty-something who is trying to eat her way to peace. The husband who secretly watches porn on his laptop.

But all of these--anger, indulgence, addiction--if allowed to build and continue, will eventually leak and cause unhappiness, relationship problems and worse.

Vincent's Word Studies of the New Testament describes the Greek meaning of the word for self-control as “holding in hand the passions and desires”(vol. IV, p. 168, available online here). 

God is good and wants us to enjoy His goodness. Evil seeks the opposite. Jesus declared, “The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10, NLT). He gives us the ability to “hold in hand” the temptation to lie, to lash out, to overeat, to self-medicate, to overspend, to commit violence.

The fruits of the Spirit--which we have been writing about for several weeks--are displays of God’s goodness in our lives. When we exhibit self-control--over our tongues, appetites, desires, and temptations--we are serving God and helping others to know there is a richer, more satisfying way to live.

My Beloved Jesus by Jenna Vick Silliman

One morning right at dawn, I prayed about a money matter. The Lord Jesus spoke to my heart, “I will provide for you, my beloved.” I was stunned. Could this be God talking to me in such an intimate way? Yes! He did provide for that need and He has continued to speak to me in this sweet, endearing way. Now I answer back, “My Beloved Jesus.”

‘My Beloved’ reveals the intimacy and close, personal, love relationship that the Lord Jesus wants us to have with Him. He desires us to be so close that we are one with Him in the perfect bond of unity—His awesome love. In John 17 we read about Jesus praying that we would be one.

Jesus also said, This IS eternal life, to KNOW ME. (See John 17:3) This word ‘know’ means to intimately know—as Adam knew Eve. Knowing Him, loving Him, and living the abundant life He freely gives us, is what LIFE is all about.

In 2 Thessalonians 2:13 and Psalm 127:2, as well as the beautiful Song of Solomon, we learn we are also the beloved of the Lord. His love for us is beyond our wildest dreams and is so tenderhearted and full of grace and mercy and lovingkindness. He longs for us to return His love. When we turn to Him with love filled hearts we are right where we are supposed to be. This is the love relationship we were created for and nothing, absolutely nothing, is sweeter!

“My Beloved” is found throughout the Song of Solomon. See Song of Solomon 2:10-12, “My beloved spoke, and said to me: ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come…Come away!’” See also Song of Solomon 3:6, “I am my beloved’s and He is mine and His banner (or flag) over me is love.”

A sense of belonging is one of the strongest human needs. To be awakened to this deep, personal, love relationship with Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and to belong to Him, is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. He is not just a person I know about—I know Him and commune with Him in an intimate love relationship. To me Jesus is not just THE Beloved, He is MY Beloved. I am not just A beloved, I am HIS beloved!

Your beloved is someone you want to always be with and you can’t live without. Your beloved is always taken into consideration and is your confidant, your soul mate, your favorite, and your lives are intertwined to the point you couldn’t imagine separation. The Lord is so much who I am and has become my everything. My life would be nothing without Him.

There is a false idea that another person can fill this place inside us, the deepest longing of the human heart. Only the Lord’s Holy Spirit can satisfy this desire. Humans turn to materialism or addictions, such as food and drink, drugs and alcohol to satisfy them. Nothing and no one truly satisfies except the presence of the Lord!

The truth is found in God’s Word. Luke 6:21, “Blessed are you who seek Him, for you shall be satisfied.” Psalm 107:9, “He satisfies the longing soul.” Psalm 24:14, “The secret of the sweet satisfying companionship of the Lord have they who revere and worship Him.” Psalm 36:8, “We are satisfied and we relish and feast on the abundance You provide us.” Isaiah 58:11 “The Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you…you shall be like a well-watered garden and like a spring of water.” Jer. 31:14 “My people will be satisfied with My goodness says the Lord.” Is.55:2,3 “Why do you spend your money on that which is not satisfying? …Let your soul delight in My abundance…then you’ll be satisfied.” Phil.4:11 “I have learned how to be content [satisfied]…”

When we live in day to day and minute by minute intimacy with our Beloved Jesus, our lives become an overflow of His love, kindness, grace, peace, and joy. His Presence affects all of our relationships in a powerful way. When we engage in fellowship, seek a mate, or minister side by side, we will find kindred spirits with His Presence evident in their lives. A husband and wife in love with Jesus first and overflowing with His Holy Spirit, is the way God created marriage to be!

St. Francis of Assisi was known for having a life-changing love affair with Christ. He was called “the second Christ” because his life was so totally given over to the Lord Jesus. What can we learn from this man so devoted to the Lord? Love the Lord as your beloved, as your one and only, as your first love. Chesterton wrote: “He [St. Francis] did not love Christianity but Christ.” A personal, intimate love relationship with Christ is what Christianity is all about.

I love You with all my heart and soul, Lord Jesus, my Beloved. You are my 24/7 love affair! In Your presence, my Beloved, is joy everlasting. A day in Your courts, in Your presence, is better than a thousand outside. Thank You for the gift of Your sweet, satisfying presence. Thank You for loving me, My Beloved Lord Jesus.

Completely Overhauled - Victory in Jesus

In one of those seasons of life, the kind where you have pressed in, stayed faithful and expected a lot from God; where you have not seen things change in the natural, that's where I found a series of miracles. I don't simply mean the coincidental kind of miracles, but the kind that you are totally awed by God. This is the kind of stuff that you tell a stranger on the street because you can't contain it. Let me explain.

This week your Kingdom Bloggers are going to write about a personal victory. Every Christian needs to get a hold of Jesus and let him work in their lives to do the very things that they cannot do for themselves. Here is my story - a victory over addiction to cigarettes - along with an added touch or two from the Lord. The following was once posted on my personal blog Fire & Grace, and will eventually be in the pages of my book.

I was told by a pastor to stop reading books by Kenneth Hagin Sr; I didn't. Those books, bad theology or good, really built my faith. I was later told by another pastor and friend, to read books about revival. He lent them to me and as I returned them, he gave me more. In between books, I was on my own.

One day I went to the mailbox. I honestly don't remember now if it was something that I did everyday or just from time-to-time. Because the mailbox wasn't right in front of the house, we often stopped at it when we were returning from work or some other errand; pulling up and rolling down the window. This particular day there was an over-sized postcard from Marilyn Hickey Ministries. It said something about saving the family and I dismissed it; tossing it into the the abyss of coffee cups and empty cigarette packs on the floor of my pickup truck. I didn't give it a second thought.

I don't remember how much time had passed, but one day I hit the brakes hard and my Bible slid from the front seat onto the floor. When I picked it up, the "Save the Family Encounter" postcard was stuck to the Bible. My name and address was handwritten in the address block. Now, that's something that caught my attention. I was thinking about who might have personally sent this to me and how many thousand others? Who would have had my name?

As I was pondering those thoughts, I heard the Lord say, "you need to go."

Having the strong sense that I should go, deepened my interest. I read it in more detail. It was about 80 or 90 miles from my house, it was during the work week, and I had little kids that would need babysitting. And I wasn't going alone to some Family Encounter. I was discouraged before I drove the 50 yards back to my driveway.

The postcard kept haunting me. I had stuffed it in my Bible and took it out at church the next Sunday. I asked someone that I knew if she had ever heard of this Marilyn Hickey? Oh, she's got a TV show on at 6 am. She rolled her eyes and said, "she's no Baptist." There were a number of us undercover Charismatics there at that church. I think she was one of them. Actually that place more like a scene from the movie, The Brother From Another Planet.

Now I was more interested then ever. I knew I was supposed to go, I just didn't see how. Getting there was going to be a challenge I was sure. Finally, I just walked over to the head of the deacon's board and asked him, "can someone watch my kids on Thursday night from 5 PM until 10 PM, all day Friday from 9 AM until 10 PM and the same on Saturday?"

He replied with a gulp, "That's what we're here for." I will tell my wife. I am sure we can do the evenings at our house and I will round up someone for the daytime meetings.

Next the owner of the studio where I worked was at church that same morning. We had an agreement that we wouldn't talk business at church, but I am not too much for rules. Besides, I was on a roll. "Bill," I said, "I am going to need next Friday and Saturday off." I saw that look come over him.

"For what?" He asked.

"I want to go to this Christian conference," and I pulled out the postcard to show him.

"I guess it will be alright as long as everything is done before you go." he said.

Next I had to ask my wife (not Mary Anne!). She had no idea what I was up to. I had learned a long time ago that there isn't really a way to approach people with things that they are not going to like. So, I simply pulled out the postcard and said, "What do you think about us going to this?"

"It will cost too much." she said.

"It's free," I quietly replied.

"You can't take time off from work." She said escalating her tone.

"Bill already said it was OK. I just asked him" I said.

"We don't have anyone to watch the girls." she fired back.

The deacons are going to pool their resources and do it," I said.

"Why can't we just go to church here?" she said, trying to change the subject.

"Because God said we should go," I said.

"Yeah right." She firmly replied.

"Everything is all set, I would like to go," I said.

"I guess we could go to one meeting." - a softening tone.

It's a conference, we should go to all the meetings," I said.

"I'll let you know." she snapped, and turned to walk away.

"Whatever," I said, nearly defeated.

The next Thursday I dropped the kids off and we headed for the first meeting. We enjoyed wonderful worship and some good word-of-faith teaching; enough for us to commit to the next days meetings. During the morning meeting someone felt led to buy us the workbook for $50, which we received with joy. We met people that felt impressed to share the miracle that God was about to do. Honestly I didn't have a clue. I just knew I was supposed to be there.

The last meeting on Saturday was called the Miracle Service. If nothing else happened, we were full from simply being there. The worship team was playing Are God Is an Awesome God. My knees were shaking in the presence of God. I had never experienced such awe, such power or felt such a reverence for God like this. King Jesus was in the house!

Marilyn started the meeting by asking if there was anyone that had been delivered from alcoholism or other addictions. I stood up. I was sober 14 or 15 years at that time. Then we sat. She said, "if you need to break the addiction to cigarettes, then stand up and claim your miracle." She walked between those standing and proclaimed victory over them. When she walked by me I heard a voice, which wasn't hers. It said, "You'll never have to smoke again." It was audible to me, but no one around me acknowledged hearing it. I have since come to know the internal audible voice of God. I had been smoking 2 to 3 packs of Marlboros a day for 20 years, and I have never had a cigarette since. Not one! I actually quit smoking in a house with another smoker.

Next she asked anyone with eye problems to stand up. I had worn glasses since I was in second grade, having a fairly typical astigmatism and some farsightedness. I stood up and she talked about faith for a minute or so. Then she said if you are healed keep standing. Feeling nothing, I sat down. She handed a Bible to an elderly man a few rows away and said, "Can you read it?"

He replied "No, things are actually worse." She pulled the thick glasses from his face, "How is that she asked?" He began to read John 3:16. People clapped as she went around getting testimonies. I bowed my head and closed my eyes and said, "God, I want that." I took off my glasses that night and have never had a problem with an astigmatism since!

I was on a roll. The next call was for ears that needed to be healed. I had played electric guitar on "10" for many years, and it had taken it's toll. I had persistent ringing and some other nerve damage that made it almost impossible to hear in a room where there was any sort of noise. I stood there and she said very little. She began to ask people to stay standing that were healed. She began to whisper and I heard it! It wasn't until the next morning when I heard the kids bare feet sticking to the hardwood floors that I realized how much hearing had been restored!

The meeting ended with anyone that had been healed standing. "Look around you," Marilyn said. "This is Jesus at work!" Then she preached the gospel for just a few minutes. "If you want Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, stand up." The room was full of new converts!

Our God is an awesome God!