Esse Quam Videri

There was a time I felt I had my finger on the pulse of what God was doing.  I thought I knew which way the river was flowing or the wind was blowing.  I wasn’t presumptuous thinking I knew everything.  I just had an inner sense of knowing.  I suppose if I spent the amount of time in prayer now, that I did then, I might have something more to contribute this week that spoke to the flow of the Spirit nationally or even globally.  Rejoicing, I jealously read David’s blog yesterday.  I always said David was a hard act to follow here on Kingdom Bloggers.  But I do have my passport up-to-date and may just head out on a mission trip with him.

Saturday, I went to a meeting of the Education Committee for the church.  I was asked to draw a timeline of my spiritual development.  Over the last few years, for various assignments, I have had to do my spiritual autobiography, as well as draw charts and diagrams similar to this one.  My spiritual timeline moves upward– I am getting closer to God but it also has bumps and spikes.  So does everyone’s if they’re honest.  

No, this isn't mine but you get the idea 

What I have noticed is that often before and after I spike there is a bit of a plunge.  I seem to go downward but really, I am going inward.   I find it’s time to go deeper.  When you go deeper into God, you give up more of yourself.  When you do that, He gets deeper inside of you to clean out the rubbish.

I am beginning to learn to be content.  I struggled and fought the call to be.  Esse Quam Videre – to be rather than to seem.  God, whose name is Yahweh – I am – the great I AM – wants us to join with Him to just be – to just drink in His love and grace and give it out.  That’s where I’m at and where I see God working.