Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My GPS Needs Adjustment

I am praying about a whole host of mundane issues.  If you know me, you know my life is on a yo-yo string most of the time.  I'm pulled here and there.  I travel by necessity, not  by choice. I have two houses, one a home, one where I have to live to be with my husband.  Life is very confusing.  Then there is the question of when?  Where should I be when and what is best? Best for who? Most of the time I decide based on other people's needs and desires.  That's good and then again, sometimes you get lost.
I have a new friend.  I consider her a friend even though I'm just in the early stages of getting to know her.  I am hoping she will become a close friend, but distance, busyness, and just life will determine whether that happens or not.  I am hopeful.  I like her.  I was lamenting some of the decisions I have to make on Facebook and this new friend responded.  She ended her response with saying: "sometimes you have to be uncomfortable in your heart just to be comfortable in your soul."  For some reason, that really hit me.  

Within minutes, I picked up a book I thought would be helpful for my research.  I highly recommend anything by Parker J. Palmer and this was no exception.  In A Hidden Wholeness I started reading about living a divided life - Palmer, spoke of taking care of your soul.  He spoke of living undivided.  A-ha... seems God was speaking.  Palmer shared that you have to find yourself, your soul. 

Another friend had told me to ask God about my decisions... I do and do and do that - but I honestly told her, I'm not hearing much from God these days.  I'm sort of just running on instinct and discipline.  I think that's the problem.  I think the problem is not these mundane decisions.  I think the problem is I am not taking care of my soul enough.  I think God was answering me through the wisdom of my new friend and of Palmer.  I think the bottom line in all of this is that Joyce has gotten so lost with busyness and taking care of people that she doesn't know who she is anymore.

What I am praying about is to find myself-to return to who I am and learn to "be." I need to find the uniqueness of me including all my brokenness so I can offer the uniqueness of me to the cause of the Kingdom of God.  What about you? Do you ever feel lost along the way?  Do you ever wonder who you were created to be? To be, not DO!  I've heard that message with my head so many times.  To be rather than to seem.  I heard it again this summer.  My soul needs to hear it not my head.

You weren't created to do - you were created to be... who are you? I'm looking for me. I'm getting closer to finding me. How about you?



David said...

Good questions. I am fortunate that I received a prophetic word in 1994 that launched my business career in computers. I received another in 1998 that changed the course of my church life and ministry. I recently received two that have confirmed my place in the kingdom and recent decisions.

Over the years I have worked hard at praying, and praying in the spirit to keep the lines of communication open. I have been taking time to jus soak in the presence, and I am starting to hear Him more clearly. Sure, there are some seeming impossibilities facing me, but that is where the faith comes in.

The Christian life is very interesting how it is so personal, yet together we encourage each other.

Thanks for sharing.

Tracy said...

Appreciate your lines:

"I think the problem is not these mundane decisions. I think the problem is I am not taking care of my soul enough."

How frequently have I found this to be true in my life as well! Repeatedly I've heard the thought in my spirit that the details of daily life things are not nearly as important as who I am, becoming the person God has for me to be. Also that whole concept of being in His presence, basking in Him. By personality, I'm much more of a Martha than a Mary.

It encourages me in my faith to read about how God is working in your life in this area. Thank you for this post.

Joyce said...

More of a Martha than a Mary... aren't most of us like that? I think that's the beautiful of that story - we are all Martha's at least some of the time.
I've preached that passage quite a few times now - the last time I preached it, I discovered that Martha must have been Norwegian. You'd have to be Norwegian or know a lot of Norwegians to get that... but for me, my Martha-ness is ethnic... it is so who I am.