Ideas

Considering the frustration I shared last week, it's a little hard to answer where I think God is leading me.  Of late I think that God likes to lead me by keeping me in the desert or the wilderness.  I am sure I probably exaggerate my plight a bit but that is how it feels to me.  I wonder sometimes, how much more does He have to change in me?

Beware, Joyce is going to get real again.  Last year I took the Strength Finders test.  My number one strength was "ideation."  I wouldn't have guessed that was my strength but when I thought about it more, I thought yep, that's me.  Throughout my life, I've had lots of good ideas.  I mean really great ideas, even money making ideas. Many years ago when I lived in Hallsville MO they had no daycare.  I wanted to rent the other side of the duplex we lived in and start a daycare.  My husband yawned, my mother scoffed.  I persisted but as with many things, alone I eventually gave up.  Three months later a woman opened one down the street.  She did well. On top of that my mother praised her since she knew her from church.  I kept thinking, that could have been me.

Joyce's Chai Blend

That story is the story of my life.  Trust me, I have plenty of examples.  Usually I am left to bang my head against a wall and wonder why.  I've thought at times that maybe it was that I needed to trust my own instincts and/or leadings and just do it.  Well, I did.  I started a coffee shop that morphed into a deli and tried all sorts of marketing tactics.  I had amazing and inexpensive menu items.  Imagine, fresh cooked eggs to order, fresh made breakfast potatoes with onions and multi-colored peppers, meat of choice, bread of choice - and if you ordered a biscuit, you got homemade sausage gravy with it as well.  Served fast and fresh for the low price of $3.99.  Add to that a $ .50 cup of bottomless fresh coffee and you had a great meal for under $5.  Or you could add a Milky Way latte, an Almond Joy cappuccino, a fruit smoothie with real fruit in it or a steamy creamy chai latte made with my own chai mix that had fresh spices I ground myself for $3.99.  And the weekend omelets were to die for - eventually we lost more money than I care to think about.  Not to mention the blow to the ego.  It was location but nevertheless, another idea gone bad.

Then there was the church.  God told me to start a church.  I did.  Twice.  The spirit of the Lord showed up big time one morning.  The worship leader had a vision.  He saw us all in the start gate of a race.  He said that I was on a horse.  I had been waiting a very long time.  I was dying to get out of the gate.  He said that gate was opening.  Yippie Skippy Glory Hallelujah - within two months I found out I was going to South Dakota.  Not exactly the gate opening I had in mind.  Not exactly a place I flourished.  But oh the things I learned in the process.

Okay, I don't want this to be a downer.  I suppose this has sort of been Joyce's morning lament. I don't want this to be so real that you think I have no faith.  I do have faith.  I do have hope.  I have so much hope and faith that at an age when most people are planning or experiencing retirement, I'm working on a doctoral degree.  The high school drop out welfare mom who no one thought was worth anything, is now a doctoral student.  I'm plugging away with a research study on the use of computer mediated social networking (Facebook) for the purpose of Christian community.  That's what God has led me to do.  That's what I'm doing.  I hope it doesn't end up like all my other good ideas.  I hope it benefits the Kingdom.  But one thing I've learned, results do not mean success or failure.  Success is all about obedience and the process of becoming like Jesus.

What is Success or Failure?

I occasionally get stumped with these topics.  This week is no different.  If you read any of my blogs, this one or my others, you can certainly sense a bit of frustration about ministry.  I have no doubt I was called into ministry.  I have no doubt, and I say this without pride but humble appreciation, that I am called to preach and teach.  The gifts God has given me in these areas are significant and yet without His doors being opened, there isn’t much more I can do.

Change the man to a woman and see how it strikes you? 

I’ve been preparing and preparing.  I’m in school again.  I know my path with school is different than many of you.  But it is part of my quest to be used of God.  In so many ways, I am still stuck in the feeling of failure.  I wonder so often, is it me?  What did I do wrong?  What more can I do?  I know a lot of people struggle with a call.  I did too only because I thought God would never use a woman who was divorced, remarried and whose husband wasn’t a believer.  I still think that’s a rather unusual thing.  But when asked, I just say I know God called me.  If you have a problem with my “qualifications” I guess you just have to ask God about it.  My responsibility is to be obedient.

In 2002, I answered a call to plant a church.  I saw a building and a community and prayed.  I prayed hard.  I took pictures of the building and asked people to pray.  I even photo-shopped the name of the church on the windows of the building.  The Well – a non-denomination church.  My husband and I met with a realtor, made an offer and nothing…

In 2003, I met some women who had a coffee shop near Music Row in Nashville.  They offered the use of the building for church on Sunday morning.  I prayed.  I talked to my pastor who was also my boss at the time.  He said “What are you waiting for Sister Joyce?”  Of course I didn’t know at the time that his enthusiasm was not just from the Lord – it was also because he had a young man he wanted to come in and replace me.  He was just waiting for me to leave. 

I went.  The Well had its first meeting.  We had a good crowd and filled the shop.  We had a great worship leader.  We had a treasurer/bookkeeper who was also an intercessor.  We had a decent crowd while we met there.  We were excited.  We have vision.  It wasn’t in the town I’d prayed to be in, but it was a start.  Then the coffee shop closed – no warning, they just closed.  The Well was finished.  God opened no other doors.  No other buildings were available.  We were done.

I slowly accepted the betrayal of my former pastor.  I accepted that God had closed this door as fast as He opened it.  It wasn’t easy.  In 2006 my husband and I opened a coffee shop in the same town that I had prayed over years before.  The Well resurrected.  Some new people and the same awesome worship leader returned to proclaim the gospel.  The vision had been refined over those years in between.  I had been in school studying biblical studies for several years. 

For over two years we met.  I've never closed our MySpace page, you can see it here.  You can also see what the coffee shop was like by visiting it's still open MySpace page here. Eventually, we closed the coffee shop for the same reasons the women on Music Row did – they had a great location and couldn’t stay afloat; I had a crappy location and couldn’t stay afloat.  But the church was doing well.  We had a small nucleus of great people – a different and superb worship leader, an associate pastor – people who loved God and each other.  We moved to the building I had photo-shopped and prayed over.  I didn’t own it.  One of our parishioners did.  She and her husband allowed us to meet there after they had thoroughly renovated the space.  I thought WOW – isn’t God good.  

Where The Well met after renovated into a Musical Cultural Heritage Center - Fiddle & Pick

God had brought me back where I always thought I should be.  It seemed like such a God thing.  We had some new people coming.  The future looked so promising.  God had given me a vision for adult singles.  We had no Sunday School or Christian Education space.  We would fill a different niche for the gospel.  We were experiencing respect in the community as well. I was asked to preach the community wide Easter Sunrise Service.  The only woman preacher in the community, pastor of the most non-traditional church in the community - what an honor!

In February of 2008 it began to crumble.  As quickly as God answered prayers, the rug came out.  Our worship leader took a wonderful position in Florida.  Another anchor family left.  On our 30^th wedding anniversary a call came from South Dakota.  A dream job for my husband was offered while I sat in the car outside a Dunkin Donut at Cocoa Beach, Florida.  I wanted to scream WHY God???!!!  My last service as pastor of The Well was in October 2008.  The Well continued a while under the leadership of the Associate.  Eventually, it ceased to exist. 

Success?  Yes, those of us who were part of The Well know God was in it.  We know that God moved in all our lives and showed us a glimpse of true community.  Failure?  Yes, for me, it feels like failure.  When it comes to what God has for me in ministry, I wish I knew.  I am still waiting.