The Word of God by Jenna Vick Silliman

Oh how I LOVE Your Word, O Lord! (Psalm 119:97) I awaken before dawn, go to a place where we can be alone and I pray there. (Mark 1:35) In the morning I cry out to You with my voice. (Psalm 5:3) Open my eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of Your Word! (Psalm 119:18) Lord Jesus, God, You are the living Word. (John 1:1) My expectations are in You. (Psalm 62:5) I am satisfied with Your goodness. (Jer. 31:14) When I read two pages of Your Word each morning I wait for You to speak to me for I have ears to hear. (Matthew 11:15) I know Your Word becomes ‘rhema’ enlightenment for me in my relationship with You. I know there is no life in the Scriptures apart from relationship with You. (John 5:39) If I abide in Your Word and possess it I am truly Your disciple. (John 8:31) I know the Truth and the Truth has set me free. (John 8:32) I delight in Your promise that if I continue to abide in You and Your Word continues to abide in me, I may ask whatever I will and it shall be done for me. (John 15:7) In Your Word we are given many great and precious promises that we might be partakers of Your divine nature. (2Peter 1:4) I meditate on Your Word all day. (Psalm 119:97) It is a light to my path. (Psalm 119:105) It revives me. (Psalm 119:159) I let Your Word dwell in me richly. (Col. 3:16) I have hidden Your Word in my heart. (Psalm 119:11) You have put Your Word in my mouth. (Isaiah 51:16) When I speak Your Word it does not come back void. (Isaiah 55:11) It endures forever. (1Peter 1:25) Like the Bereans, I search the Scriptures daily, to see whether things are true. (Acts 17:11) I know every Scripture is inspired by You and profitable for instruction, for reproof, for correction of error, for discipline in obedience to You, and for training in holy living so that we may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16,17) I want to be like Apollos—well versed and mighty in the Scriptures, instructed in Your way, O Lord, burning with spiritual zeal, teaching from the Scriptures accurately and speaking freely and fearlessly. (Acts 18:24-26) I meditate on Your Word day and night and habitually continue to think about it, and, as You have promised, I have become like a tree firmly planted by streams of living water and my leaves do not wither, even in times of drought, and I am steadfast in times of storm. By Your Word, I am prospering and flourishing! (Psalm 1) Your Word is perfect and makes my heart rejoice…Your Word is pure and bright, enlightening my eyes. Your Word is sweeter than honey and the honeycomb—better than dessert! (Psalm 19:7-11) I take heed, also, to the prophetic Word, confirmed by Scripture, as a light that shines in the darkness. (2Peter 1:19) I rejoice in Your Word, O God, as one who finds great treasure. (Psalm 119:162)

Eternity can be found in a single moment...

A certain peaceful easiness fell over me as I keenly took note to how clear the sky directly above seemed. There were only a few clouds off to one horizon, and even they seemed so crisply defined against the contrasting background of blue. Still, something just wasn't quite right. There appeared to be a casted tint to everything I was viewing with great appreciation. My mind struggled and searched for some reasonable explanation to the slightly darkened look of such a beautiful sight. Was it real? Were my eyes deceiving me? Then, I finally grasped that I was taking it all in through the closed visor...of my motorcycle helmet.

There's a standing conception that time seems to slow down during an accident. I'm here to confirm that to be true. A leisurely ride on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon suddenly found me flying solo through air down a ditch line doing my best Luke Skywalker on his legendary Death Star run.

 I was just cruising along a country back road with no place to be and no place to go.  As I started up a very gentle incline that slowly curved to my left, a rather portly groundhog started making his way across the road up ahead of me starting on my side. The rodent stopped dead center in my lane when he saw a pickup truck coming in his direction from the opposing side. Could I have ran him over? Probably. But I didn't want to risk losing control of my bike and slamming head on into the truck, so I adjusted course to go around him on the shoulder side. I would quickly learn...a soft shoulder at that.

As soon as the weight on the back tire of my Shadow 1100 left the payment, I might as well have been riding a train on tracks. My direction was now being predetermined. Fighting the weight of the bike in a vain attempt to correct my path and stay out of the ditch was futile, so I decided to control where and when I would lay down my ride. I wasn't going fast, but still the thick woods directly ahead was very troubling. Simple physics dictates-  25mph+hickory tree=rapid deceleration=eating through a straw...if I was lucky.

So I steered into the ever deepening and narrowing ditch on my side and started slowing down. Just a few feet into the new course, my motorcycle suddenly came to an abrupt stop as the weight bogged down in soupy quagmire of recent rains and mud. Perfect. There won't be much damage to my ride. Then physics once again came to play because while my motorcycle came to a sudden stop...I, on the other hand, did not. So now I'm airborne...

Trees, large rocks and stumps were all in my vision ahead. My flight literally carried my over 20 feet down the trench before an Evel Knievel/Wide World of Sports type finale. I ended up feet-first on my back in another section of soft goop. Dazed and looking straight up at the beautiful sky. I'm not sure if I ever lost consciousness or not, but I do know I felt absolutely no pain...but that would soon end too.

There are so many things that could have gone different in those seconds that seemed like minutes to me.  But, I had survived only the second motorcycle wreck in my life with no broken bones or permanent damage. Note I didn't say injury-free. Slamming into the ground even into a soft landing spot still hurts like the devil. Add the fact I was north of 35 years in age and the situation grows increasingly more complicated. The 20 minute ambulance ride to the emergency room was nothing short of self-induced torture as my back and joints revolted in searing, punishing pain. I was sore and stiff to the point of incapacitation for the week that followed, unable to get myself into or out of a chair or bed without assistance. I lived alone with my elementary school aged daughter. All 50 pounds or so of her. For one of the very few times in my life, I was forced to rely on others to just make it through that week. It was a tremendously humbling situation...one that my life desperately needed.

It would be less than a year before the coming night I would fall to my knees and beg God to forgive my self-absorbed, temporal lifestyle. The night I became the prodigal son returning with not just my hat in hand...but completely naked and broken.  God knows in my heart I wish that transformation had taken place as I suffered through the injuries of that motorcycle wreck. No. The truth is I wish that transformation had never had to take place at all. That my continuous work for the Kingdom was well displayed from the moment of my salvation. If only...

I still had the broken helmet from that day until recently. The motorcycle was sold years ago (another interesting story in itself), but I kept the helmet around as a reminder of the humility I endured from the results of that day. Yes. I still need to be reminded from time to time that humble is a virtue we are all called to be. God just later gave me two more precious daughters...so the helmet...well...kind of became redundant.

Some see sacrifice...others see the blessing of service.

At a point in my life, I was an avid proponent of Dr. Ester Buchholz, a psychoanalyst and clinical psychologist who died in 2004 at the age of 71. She did quite a bit of research on solitude during her career...what she called "alonetime." She thought that society undervalued solitude and alone time and overvalued attachment. Dr. Buchholz thought that periods of solitude were important if we were to tap our creative potential.

Although I'm very much an extrovert by nature, I've always made time in my life for moments to detach and withdraw, isolate myself from outside stimulation and spend time in thought and reflection. That may sound a bit more proactive than the actual process worked, but long periods without this self-imposed reclusiveness would ultimately affect my demeanor and award-winning, infectious personality (eye roll) in a very negative way.

Fast forward to the start of a more pious and vastly more important period in my life. 

Holding true to my word that pivotal moment in the early morning hour after I got off my knees and dried my eyes, focus shifted to putting God into every aspect of my mess of a life. Completely unaware of the spiritual concept of quite time, my private moments of isolation began to slowly change from a concentration of pondering things like 'Why am I here?' to pleas to my Father of  'What will You have me do?' Slowly the me time faded away and was replaced by Us time until the day it finally became rightfully His time.

Has it truly been a sacrifice? I still agree in principle with Dr. Buccholz that creativity is best released in those moments of solitude. The world has become a very busy and very noisy place. We are bombarded daily with a gambit of request and requisitions, information and intrusions, responsibilities and requirements....it's mentally exhausting. I will admit daily vacations from the superficially cerebral stuff to a place of inner peacefulness and self-reflection are very nice. But then I'm reminded...this isn't about me.

So my personal fortress of solitude Dr. Buccholz zen-fully called alone time has greatly changed. It hasn't been easy for me. Necessary, but not easy. Because, now I spend those moments away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life no longer dedicated to a personal mental respite...I spend that precious time in prayer for others. As earnestly and humbly as I possibly can. Every single day.

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:6

We are often heralded as creatures of habit by the scientific community. I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment too. We were created to be creatures of habit by a loving God who prefers those acts of habits to be in some service to Him and to others. I just hate it took me so many wasted years of selfish thoughts and behaviors to finally realize that coveted place of inner peacefulness and self-reflection doesn't hold a candle to the joy received by focusing on Him and His will.

Spend some of your 'me-time' today with our Father and offer petitions on the behalf of others. After just a few days of this...you'll find it can become very addictive.

What's in a name...that God can't change.

One aspect of Islam has always appealed to me. When a person converts to be a Muslim, a name change often occurs to signal the transformation. While not required by the faith unless you happen to have a 'forbidden' name, most born into the religion don't have to worry about a name change because their parents had the foresight to properly label them. From an Islamic website:

Muslims should have good names and give good names to their children. Islam does not require all converts to change their names. New Muslims should only change their first names, if they contain wrong or bad meanings. As far as their last names are concerned they should not be changed unless their parents are alive and accept the change.

Of course in this country, we have a warped sense of how this all works due to marquee converts like Muhammad Ali and Malcolm X that have a negative stigma wrapped in traditional Western belief-based stereotypes associated with their conversions.

Now don't worry. I'm not using my post today to announce I'm converting to Islam and becoming a Muslim. Jesus is my Savior sent by the Father. He was born a man, died an Earthly death to complete a Divine plan of salvation and rose from that death to return to the Father. My faith is completely contained in that plan of salvation, and I would die before renouncing my belief.

There. Hope that cleared up any potential misunderstanding created by my opening statement (take a deep breath mom).

As elementary as the concept is to our faith as Christians, I became a new person when I accepted Christ. Gone was the old Tony C and born was the new Tony C. However, the change was in no way associated to my name...just my actions. Yes, that's the way it should be, but I also like the whole name changing concept too.

As most of you know, my wife gave birth to our baby daughter last week (praise God!). We had a ton of visitors at the hospital over the course of the 3 day stay, and during one of those visits a relatively new friend of my wife that I actually knew almost ten years ago walks in to visit. Apparently, she knew we were married but had never mentioned to Candice knowing me some time back. No big deal. She had dated a friend of mine while she was in college.

I think where the initial uneasiness of the reunion stemmed was in the fact she knew the 'old' Tony C. The guy with the messed up priorities and secular focus. The persona I'm sure she associated with my name...and why wouldn't she?

Now, I was never really a bad dude in my past. I just wasn't focused on the Kingdom and made some really lame choices in those days that are well documented in my numerous post on this blog. But as we reconnected and laughed about a few shared memories, a sense of embarrassment feel over me and was probably written on my face. My wife knows of that old me and even seen a small portion before our relationship unfortunately, and that's mostly because those old actions have followed the name Tony C.

There's a small part of me that wishes on the night I feel to my knees begging God to forgive my slide away from Him that the very next morning I awoke a new man in spirit and in name. He promised to separate my transgressions far away from me, but my actions would have to dictate and document that change to the world...and that would take time. There are still many who remember me as the old Tony C probably because I was a convincing agnostic who wore the title far too good, and they aren't convinced my 'conversion' will probably last.

I will one day have the conversation with both my younger daughters that I recently had with my oldest. When the time arrives that family starts stressing to them about how important protecting their reputation is in life, I will calmly remind them that our reputation is based on what other people perceive about us, and we all live in sin...each and every person. That sin may be prevalent or may be hidden but still there and still against God's will. Character, on the other hand, is who we truly are and while you have little control over your reputation...you have total control over your character. Work on having good character in the WWJD way...that's most important.

No name changes required to live the WWJD way either...little baby Eden Blakely.

Tuesday Retreat...

Okay, so we are supposed to do a “best of” for the month of August. I think I want to be the rebellious one and create some new “best of.”  Life is a journey and so is our walk with the Lord. It’s all journey. The journey can be very stressful and long at times. At other times, like on your birthday and you realize how old you are and that life is moving fast, you wonder where the time went.

I have been to lots and lots of retreats.  I often wonder why some of the things we call retreat, are called that. Picking up on David’s use of the battle/warfare metaphor yesterday, retreating doesn’t sound like a good idea either.  Often we go to retreats that should probably be called motivational or pep-talk events. Nothing wrong with them, we like them, we need them; yet, sometimes we mistakenly call them retreats.

Last weekend I went on a retreat.  I went to a Catholic Abbey with a group of women.  We had no famous named speaker.  We didn’t sit in chairs for hours listening to someone teach us.  We didn’t have any showmanship.  Excuse the sarcasm, I don’t mean to sound as harsh as this might sound. I like those things and perhaps showmanship is a bad word. But I can’t think of another one right now. 

So often we go to meetings, events and retreats to see the stuff…To get excited.  We are like the crowd following Jesus waiting to see Him cast out another demon, raise the dead or heal someone. That’s okay. I want to see more of that stuff because I believe Jesus is alive and still does miracles.

However, that activity is very passive. We just wait to see someone demonstrate the power of God.  We get excited. We go home. We talk about it for days. Then it becomes a memory that fades. 

What if we were like Jesus? What did Jesus do? Oh yeah, you have a bracelet for that, don’t you? What would Jesus do?  I have one of those also, it’s in the bottom of a drawer somewhere.  In order to be the One who had compassion on people, the one with the energy to stand and preach and proclaim the deliverance of God – Jesus took retreats.  Someone probably has counted how many times the Gospels record that Jesus withdrew to a quiet place. I don’t know how many that is, but I am sure it is a lot.

At the Abbey we did something quite radical for a bunch of charismatics. We were still before the Lord. We let the Lord alone be our main speaker.  For the next few Tuesdays, as my turn to blog comes, I want to invite you to a retreat like the one I just led at the Abbey.  

Here’s what we are going to do. I am going to post the same scripture each week but in a different translation.  That is going to be followed by some questions.  The questions are called reflections. As you reflection on these things, they are going to lead you to places of quiet, of knowing, know yourself and God, places of peace and calm, places of repentance and intimacy.

• Read the scripture out loud.
• Take a half an hour or so to reflect on the questions.
• Pray.
• Put on worship music if that helps you.
• Get in the presence of God and you’ll be amazed at how He will speak to you.

Ready?

2 Corinthians 3:12 Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13 We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 14 But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15 Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16 But whenever anyone turns to the LORD, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the LORD is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom. 18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the LORD's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the LORD, who is the Spirit. (NIV)

Reflection Questions:

Lord, remind me of time and places when I have powerfully encountered Your presence.

Please help me to see what practices have been (or could be) truly fruitful in helping me spend time in Your presence. (Are there practices that seem to work for other people, but not for you? Talk with God about those too).

Lord, please help me see the obstacles occurring right now that are a veil to my eyes. I want to see you this month. What are some of those obstacles? In prayer, bring them to the Lord and ask Him to remove them.

As the month goes on, I’ll share some of my reflections as we journey together on a virtual Tuesday retreat.