Pushing Through

This week on Kingdom Bloggers, we are posting from our personal blogs. I confess I am not very consistent on posting at earlgreygirl.com. The book I mention in this piece, The Gift of Fear, is an important one. I highly recommend the chapter on handling potential problem people/situations in the workplace before things escalate, given that violence where we work (whether from an outside party, such as in the recent shooting in Wisconsin, or from an employee within) is on the rise.

A recent race proved to be a character building opportunity for my daughter. A rower, she knows what it feels like to be in pain. Rowing (also known as “Crew”) requires nearly every large muscle group, and a good coach requires tough daily practices in anticipation of victory at a regatta (the rowing event at which several schools or clubs compete).

On the very day she had two races, my daughter was unwell and in pain. The racecourse was cold, the waves choppy, and she was scheduled to be in the top novice boat. She worried that she would get sicker out on the water, and then let her teammates down. “Push through the pain,” her coach and I told her. “We know you can do it--it may actually make you feel better.” 

Sound callous? Not really: her coach and I both know what she is capable of, and we were speaking truth (the demands of rowing would supersede the pain of the ailment). Many times our worrying about a negative result is simply that: a worry, not a result. Pushing through, despite our worry or anxiety, will reap the data that enables us to overcome the next seemingly insurmountable hurdle: “Hey, that wasn’t so bad!” “That did not turn out the way I expected at all!” “I accomplished much more than I thought possible.”

Gavin de Becker, in his excellent (and a bit unnerving) book, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence, makes a distinction between situations that cause real fear and the worry that stems from imagination. True fear, which is connected to our intuition, causes action; worry, on the other hand, “stems from a root [word] that means ‘to choke,’ and that is just what it does to us.”

“Our imaginations can be the fertile soil in which worry and anxiety grow from seeds to weeds, but when we assume the imagined outcome is a sure thing, we are in conflict with what Proust called an inexorable law: ‘Only that which is absent can be imagined.’ In other words, what you imagine...is not happening’” (de Becker, p. 292).

Worrying is the enemy of action and “pushing through.” It consumes our imagination--and we make that imagined outcome the reality instead of pushing through to the real outcome! We sink our own boat, if you will, before even leaving the dock.

My daughter pushed through and realized the reality that her body did not fail her, and she actually felt better after the two races! How about you? What anxiety about your imagined lack of ability or courage is stopping you from taking action? Pray for strength and push through (as Joyce Meyer famously said, “Do it afraid!”). You can do much more in reality than you can even imagine.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:20-21.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27.

A Prescription for Self-Care

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

Every counselor has an ethical responsibility to practice self-care. It sounds contradictory, since a good counselor’s concern should be for the client first and foremost.  Yes. And no. A counselor who is impaired--burned out, exhausted, overworked, depressed, anxious--will lack the energy to be effective, will make mistakes, use work to block out problems, disrespect the client, use the client to meet her own needs. So, every counselor needs to take time out to replenish her unique well of energy, strength, creativity and joy.

Sounds like a plan for each one of us, no matter the role we have in life. I nearly lost my mind the winter of 1995--endless snow, housebound with young children, my husband having a long commute each day in our only vehicle. I can’t say that I practiced good self-care that winter. Instead, I told myself I didn’t have time to read a book or the ability to spend time with friends (both critical elements of my current self-care). Staying home with my kids was a choice I had made five years before--not an easy one for someone who really wanted a professional career. But as soon as the maternity nurse handed me my son in the delivery room, there was no way I was giving him to anyone else to raise.

But that winter, I knew I needed some breathing room. So, each Saturday for four hours I became the person who accosts you at Macy’s with perfume samples. I loved it: I was paid well to look nice, talk to people, and not a diaper or messy living room was in sight. Working part-time for me was self-care. It helped me to replenish the well and to be a better mom and spouse when I returned home that evening (thanks to my sister-in-law Michele for getting me that job!).

Ethically pursuing our roles is crucial for each one us: loving others as we love ourselves.  But let's not forget the first part of the Great Commandment: when we turn to our Creator and worship Him and pray, putting our circumstances and strife and anxiety in His hands, that is the very best in self-care!

Peace Amidst Problems

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Jesus does not mince words. He is truthful, but not harsh. He is loving, but not sentimental. Clear-eyed, he tells his disciples that tough things are coming for them after he leaves them. They will even face death at the hands of those “who think they are offering a service to God.”

Maintaining a peaceful heart in the face of tribulation seems to be a bit much to expect of this fledgling group of disciples 2,000 years ago. Having a peaceful heart in today’s world seems improbable as well: we are inundated daily with distressing news from around the globe. The pace of life is rapid and change seems constant. The economy has created anxiety for people losing jobs, homes, good credit ratings. Many have had to take jobs far from familiar ground and family. Millions of Americans--nearly one in five adults--now take some form of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug. For some, coping with anxiety or stress is a daily, life-threatening battle.* How do we obtain the peace Jesus promises we can have?

He promises to provide the peace himself.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

The peace of God is a gift of the Holy Spirit, and it is a fruit of the spirit that witnesses to the world about the truth of Jesus Christ and the Gospel message.

In our family, two years of my being under-employed has created some stress and some difficult decisions of late. I am sure I have not exuded the peace of Christ to others as well as I should--I know for sure that experiencing daily low-level anxiety is not a comfortable state of being. But the Holy Spirit reminds me of Jesus’ words to his disciples, and reminds me that as His child, His promises apply to me as well.

“Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” (John 16:24)

“Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

If you are struggling to produce peace, know that it can’t be  “worked up.” It is a gift that comes to those who place their trust in the One person who can never fail you. He tells you the truth about yourself, the world, and may even reveal that tougher times are coming. But our God is generous with His grace and His love. Ask Him for the “peace that surpasses all understanding.”

Here is the process the Apostle Paul laid out for the believers in Philippi: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-8).

At every turn, turn to God. Pray. In the prayer, give thanks. Ask. Trust. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. 

*If you are struggling with daily anxiety, or are currently taking anti-anxiety drugs, this article is not a suggestion to avoid seeking professional help or to cease use of medications. Under proper care, with the guidance of your doctor and along with counseling, medications can be helpful and may be necessary for anxiety disorders.